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for guys especially... how can he be sexually attracted to me...

vballtay

By vballtay
in Relationship Advice

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i_win Rookie

i_win

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I was caught up in this. It actually sucks. For me there was physical attraction and we were best friends...but that spark was missing. I hate that it's so damn important...but that spark is what helps keep eachother together when a relationship is in it's darkest hour.

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vballtay Apprentice

vballtay

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Friends with benefits? Or doesn't want to ruin the friendship? Or isn't relationship compatible with you.

 

actually almost tried the whole friends with benefits thing... although he said he thought i would get too attatched and want a relationship.

 

there he goes with the no relationship thing again. lol.

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cassiana Proficient

cassiana

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you are not is type. Men are sexually attracted to alot more people than woman I think.

I would put it this way. I don't really live spaghetti bolognese. It is alright, I will occasionally eat it and if very hungry will scarf it down with relish but I would never pick it from a menu as there are other things I prefer to eat.

 

If he likes you but is not really into you in that way, hep obably wants to keep you as a friend.

 

Also knowing that you like him devalues you inhis eyes. Men like chase and mystery. Also if we get things too easy we don't value them.

 

If it comes up again agree with him. Yeah you would have sex with him you think but really you don't think you could commit long term. He'll ask you why and you can say. It's just a feeling I've recently had when I realised noticed something about you. Never divulge.

Two can be enigmatic.

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vballtay Apprentice

vballtay

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Listen.

 

Just say to yourself "oh well".

 

He finds you attractive, which means you probably are. Find someone else who thinks you are and wants a relationship with you.

 

Don't dwell.

 

Be happy.

 

lol ok

 

one last thought... does the fact that way back when, a long time ago, he DID ask me out, but i turned him down, have anything to do with anything? this was a while ago and since then my feelings have changed dramatically towards him.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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lol ok

 

one last thought... does the fact that way back when, a long time ago, he DID ask me out, but i turned him down, have anything to do with anything? this was a while ago and since then my feelings have changed dramatically towards him.

 

He probably spent time forcing himself to get over you and let go of what he found attractive about you.

 

Now that you do like him, what he liked about you he had killed a while ago in his mind to stop himself from feeling hurt.

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Manco Newbie

Manco

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AND be close friends with me (thereforee compatible)...

 

but NOT want a relationship with me?

 

given that he is looking to be in one.

 

worst part is, he won't tell me why.

 

what are some possible reasons? can anyone think of any?

 

It's a lie. He wants to have sex with you but not be in a relationship with you. You're not his type, but you happen to like him which translates into sex.

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miracle29 Experienced

miracle29

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Man it really hurts when you have strong feelings for someone and they don't return those feelings. Don't force it, just put a little space between you guys so it wont drive you mad. Don't push yourself on him, or he'll take the sex and make you feel really awful afterwords, all the while saying "I told you we we're just friends". Don't put yourself in that predicament...be strong and don't chase any man ever!

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Trooper5 Apprentice

Trooper5

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Here are a couple of reasons,

 

1. He is not "in" to you.

2. He doesn't want to ruin your friendship.

3. He doesn't see a future in the relationship.

4. There may be some kind of detail he doesn't like in your history : (job, credit score, income, relatives, friends, hobby)

5. It could be an asundery of unknowns.

 

If you guys are truly close friends, he should have the respect for you to sit down and explain himself and his actions to you. Good luck, Troop.

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Trooper5 Apprentice

Trooper5

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1. He is not "in" to you.

 

he was a while ago. i turned him down. now that i want him ofcourse, he does not. how do you change your mind like that?

 

Believe it or not, all of us are not the same. I was merely quoting a bunch of different things I have heard soldiers say over the years when referring to personal relationships. I don't know how some guys change their mind. Men are woman will never fully understand each other.

 

Im sorry for the predicament you have found yourself in. I wish I had the answer you were looking for to help you reason his actions out. Troop.

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Hayles Enthusiast

Hayles

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He doesn't see you as a serious/long term potential type.

 

Yes, perhaps as you guys are close, he has some idea about what you want in your future and knows that's not for him... really, noone can speculate, he is the only one who knows the real reason and it seems like he is zipping the lip... so don't spend too much time on it...Good luck!

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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sounds to me like he would like to just be physical with you. you don't possess enough for him to commit to a relationship with you or he just isn't ready for one at this time. you want more and you aren't impressed with his decision. least he is honest and you know.

 

what are you looking for on this thread? anybody can change their mind for any number of a billion reasons.

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