Dating to something more

[martin6565]

Hi Guys...

 

I've been broken up w/ the ex for about a year, I've had ups and downs with NC and LC, however recently with NC, she's been getting annoyed, saying i'm immature for ignoring her and can't be friends with her just because i didn't "care enough". (which is bs) I'm finding out that its really important to have me in her life, because every time i initiate NC, she starts initiating contact.

 

Well she's made it very clear she does not want a bf, and her story has changed several times to thinking we're not right for eachother, naming problems currently that would force us from being together, and just saying she's not ready for a bf. OK, fine, take your time- but i'm not going to be around while you're fooling around on the side. I think that's fair, (and needed on my end).

 

SO recently she said she wants to still "talk" to me, hang out and "see what happens" If we want to continue to get more serious we could, but she wants to hang out without the title to start off. What do you think about this?

 

I dont want it to be a way to keep me on the leash w/ no commitment while she fools around. It's either all or nothing, and before I agree or disagree to this, what do you think? If it's casually dating, perhaps it would be a good idea?

[orangesoda]

I think you're better off moving on, living life, enjoying your future, forgetting your past, having fun, meeting new people, and being happy.

 

With that said, I don't see how your ex fits into that equation.

 

(I know it's hard)

 

Leave the ex behind.

[Up and Down]

Hi Guys...

 

 

I dont want it to be a way to keep me on the leash w/ no commitment while she fools around. It's either all or nothing, and before I agree or disagree to this, what do you think? If it's casually dating, perhaps it would be a good idea?

 

Do what you are comfortable with without feeling like you are hurting yourself. If you find you are second guessing your conversations and meetings with your ex then you need more space from her. In reality causal dating sounds like a bad idea especially when it seems like you want more and she is stating she wants less. This creates a serious unbalance in the relationship, two people have to be on the same page for a relationship to work out long term. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too! Not saying you have to cut her out of your life, that's your call on what is best for you, but pay attention to how she affects your moods/emotional well being.

[martin6565]

For me, it could go both ways. I see it as a foot in the door. I can honestly say I think she really needs to have me in her life, somehow, some way. I would like to "show her" some good times in the coming months, however if we're "dating" i understand it as dating is pretty much 'leading' up to a possible commitment, aka a relationship between two people.

 

If i'm hopeful on that relationship in the near future, and all she wants to do is spend some non-committed time with me, possible hook ups, downtime, etc, chat/text, then it won't work. Before I even agree to give her any attention i need to know she's on the same page....

 

let's turn the tables now....I really want to get back with her, thats a given BUT..

 

What if I could be that ex, that guy, you know the type. The ex that is still in the picture, still the guy she really wants to be with, talks to still, still goes and sleeps with...but not in an exclusive relationship? Would this be a good idea? (Mind you, I have all the right intentions, and want to get back not use her) Why not give her what she wants, and be around, but at the same time keep dating others?

 

^Again, hypothetical i dont want to ..but what if

[GoldenHillGuy]

What if I could be that ex, that guy, you know the type.

 

That guy sucks. That's the guy her new man laughs at. That's the guy she secretly makes fun of behind your back. That's the guy she feels sorry for. That's the guy she tells all her friends how 'sweet' you are, but would never have sex with you. That guy is a wuss, a wimp, a sad state of a man. To sum it up, that guy is selling himself short. He's a fool.

[martin6565]

GHG...GOOD point! Just reading that made me think of txting her right now and saying fck off!

 

However the no sex comment may not be true, just yesterday it happened oops...and i do regret it now b/c she still feels the same way- but contacts a little more.

 

But you do bring up a VERY GOOD point...btw send me a message and point me in the direction of your thread..i havent been here in a few weeks