NC: When I wonder how my ex is doing.

[Eirikr]

To some of us our recent ex's are still our friends, even though we had to let go and stay away. We go to NC to heal ourselves, and it seems the best course of action.

 

Yet, the one weakness of NC could be the fact that we truly don't know about the other.

 

I accept some of it surely comes from our own curiosity to know if our ex has moved on already, of knowing things that could hurt us so much more. Yet there's also the simple fact that we care how they are. I for one wish I was there for her (my ex) if she's having some problem or needs to talk about something.

 

I love her as a friend as much as I loved her as my partner.

 

What have been your experiences in such situations? Simply hope the other is fine?

[Jay_Bird]

it works on your side

 

just like you are wondering what she is doing

 

she is doing the same

 

 

there is no way an ex can completely shut you out of her thoughts

 

she might not think about you as much as you are

 

but she is thinking

[Jay_Bird]

..

Oh, how I wish so badly I could believe this about my ex.

 

even if it was horrible breakup

 

trust me

 

no one

 

no one

 

no one

 

can shut you out like that,unless they have a strong ass will power

[wardog1]

Jay Bird...I hope you are right too...

[Puo]

Jay Bird...I have a hard time believing that when my ex has already been with 3 guys in 4 months (is currently dating the 3rd guy).

[Jay_Bird]

Jay Bird...I have a hard time believing that when my ex has already been with 3 guys in 4 months (is currently dating the 3rd guy).

 

 

I agree with misskitty

 

she just using those dudes

[babysunshine]

I'm in the same boat. The NC is very hard for me because we were best friends as well as lovers and even though after four years he chose to end the relationship we are still "best friends". Obviously I need to do NC because Im not ready to hear about the people he is dating or how his life is going without me. Its like losing a best friend and partner in one swoop. Im so curious as to his life now and how it will pan out in the future but I need to heal myself first. So hard.

[LostMyBaby]

Eirikr

 

{I love her as a friend as much as I loved her as my partner.}

 

Man oh man, if you are being honest with yourself, that is a tough one. I'm dealing with that right now. I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way, but I let you in.

 

First of all, it might take some time, but wait to you can actually say to yourself "I hope she is having a good time tonight, in good company, and wearing a smile on her face"

This does not mean you have to be comfrtable about her having TOO much fun, or possible moving on, it just means you truly hope life is going well for her.

 

Once I was able to smile thinking about my ex having a great time with her friends...I was able to sincerly send her a text...something like "I hope you got to have your Monday Funday (as she used to call it) " I would usually get a positive reply, like " Thanks! Yeah, I got off work early and met so and so for Margaritas and got my toes done, Hows your day?"

 

Anyhow, I did not ask any details, or linger on about it, I just let her know I hoped she was having fun.

 

But I would not recommend trying this unless it's genuine...or you'll end up texting some counterproductive crap like "who you out with", or "Where are you?" They will see right through that.

[Eirikr]

I am being honest, with all that implies.

 

Yes she broke my heart.

 

Yes she'd break it even more by moving on just like that, so soon.

 

Yes I'd suffer greatly if I knew she's seeing someone.

 

But, yes, I love her and want her to be happy.

 

For now, the pain of imagining her with someone else is too much though. I guess that for my own good its best I stay away after all. She broke up with me so I guess she thinks she'll be happier without me. I'm in early stages of NC, so I have my ups and downs.

 

So, in conclusion! I'd be happy for her if she's happy with someone else, now or later, but now it hurts. Guess its better to wait to the time it doesn't hurt to remind her that even though we're not together as a couple, I love her as a person and friend.

 

I'll let my dream of getting back together die with time. Only one person can revive that dream, and that person isn't me.

[Puo]

I agree with misskitty

 

she just using those dudes

 

I don't think I can trust that idea. You never know, she could end up staying with this 3rd dude for the rest of her life. But it shouldn't matter to me anymore.