So I'm moving home (where the ex is)

[exploding head]

I cant find work here and my mom is sick, hence I'm moving back to LA. I pretty much got an old job lined up, So I'll be looking for places soon. Of course, my ex HAD to move to Venice. (My kind of area) I emailed her to say if I saw her, Id just smile and leave it at that. No response except the increase of myspace page views and im ok with it.

 

Think it will be good to start over at home. At the very least, I'll be working 4 blocks from the beach. Housing is gonna be expensive, but hey, family is there. Time to go home and live to the fullest. Get me a dog (she loves cats, I dont), wander the beach, play guitar, let my hair and beard grow. Get another motorcycle.

[atelis]

being close to family will do you good. sounds like a fresh start

[chopperboy]

Time to go home and live to the fullest. Get me a dog (she loves cats, I dont), wander the beach, play guitar, let my hair and beard grow. Get another motorcycle.

 

First of all, I hope your mom will be ok.

 

I like the motorcycle idea - California is a great place to ride

 

Hey, LA is a big place. Chances of you actually running into her are slim. Don't think about it, and enjoy what the area has to offer. Change of scene is always a good thing, even if the new scene is already your stomping ground.

 

Enjoy Cali.

[exploding head]

yep. feeling pretty good. If anything, she got me to love LA again. Hopefully I can find somewhere cool in Santa Monica. Sucks, because I like Venice.

[hockeyboy]

I emailed her to say if I saw her, Id just smile and leave it at that.

 

I'm a bit confused as to why you did this? If I were her, my reaction would be "ummmmmmm, ok."

 

I think it's a pretty big area your moving to, so hopefully you won't bump into her. It will be good to be around family, who can always put things in perspective.

[exploding head]

Just venting i guess. Been kind of a lonely day.

 

So, it appears that the move will happen. Just finalizing details. I am excited about it. I'm going to be working 4 blocks from the beach, gonna get to see my dog again. I do find it funny now that she looks at my myspage page even more. First thing in the morning at work, then last thing before she goes to sleep. Oh well. Im not doing anything to contact her now.

 

I find that Im stcuk between love and hate. I guess Ill need to resolve that eventually. I also find myself tired of feeling alone. Im not saying im going out to find some other girl, I tried that and it didnt work to well. I just got upset and wanted her back. (regardless of how she treated me)

 

Now, the future looks a little brighter. I'll be working in field very different from what i do professionally, but at the same time, it's like making my hobby my profession. So it's not too bad. I'm just picturing sitting on the beach, playing my guitar, and just existing. If not for any other reason but to figure out myself again.

 

I often feel as though i had a complete mental breakdown. I certianly feel like i died inside. Yet I'm still breathing. There are aspects of moving to LA Im not thrilled about. (traffic, idiotic people) But I think the positives might help me out. I'm tired of the rain here. Im tired of the cold.

 

Yet another chapter in my life. I wonder if I'm destined to be alone. I just dont seem to ever have something that lasts. I'm starting to adopt an idea in my head that love is simply for poets and singers. I'm quite sure that my need to be loved is due to a lot of childhood issues. But I'm well aware that those were not my fault and I am simply one of those kids that didnt get a lot of love and assurance growing up. I've been building all this back up in my head and intend to keep a comfortable distance from women until i at least find myself comfortable with being alone again. (funny how i was comfortable with it before.)

 

First thing when i get back to LA is to get more ink done. I've been thinking of going with a full sleeve on my left arm. Something to remind me of where Ive been and where im going.