girl friend Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 How could someone get help for their mother if perhaps the mother doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her? Perhaps it would further anger her to think her child thought she needed help. Then the child needs to stop worrying about everyone else and put their own personal safety and future first and leave the situation. They need to go to someone at school, a teacher they trust, the head mistress, the school nurse, or counsellor and sit down and spill it all and allow themselves to be helped. If the child in question is over 16, say 16-18 and still in full time education the college will have a fund where they can get the child accommodation and support. I can understand the child's fear, that telling will make things worse. Indeed when the principal of Davids school asked him mum how she got those marks she "punished" him severely. be careful hun. Link to comment
A World Away Posted September 30, 2008 Author Share Posted September 30, 2008 How does the rest of the family not know? Does she have injuries? Does it only happen when she is alone with the mother? Don't the family have any idea at all how she gets those injuries? She wouldn't have to leave the mother permanently.. but to get some air,.. an outsides perception,can really help things.. I suppose yes it would be hard. the family would split up and there would be resent and fallings out initially. but the family would stick by the child, and be ashamed and want to fix the abuse i think. The person is probably able to either hide or think of excuses for their injuries. Maybe they're told to. But in the situation I orginally posted in mind of, I think the mother is quite highly thought of. So surely it would be harder for people to believe the person over her? Then the child needs to stop worrying about everyone else and put their own personal safety and future first and leave the situation. They need to go to someone at school, a teacher they trust, the head mistress, the school nurse, or counsellor and sit down and spill it all and allow themselves to be helped. If the child in question is over 16, say 16-18 and still in full time education the college will have a fund where they can get the child accommodation and support. I can understand the child's fear, that telling will make things worse. Indeed when the principal of Davids school asked him mum how she got those marks she "punished" him severely. be careful hun. Maybe the person fears losing the rest of their family if they were to do this? It would surely have other consequences. The situation might not be so bad that other people need to know, and for them to be moved out. Maybe when it happens there is an understanding that it wasn't meant to happen. That the person knows their mother doesn't mean to do it. Link to comment
A World Away Posted September 30, 2008 Author Share Posted September 30, 2008 Double thanks to everyone who has replied. I do appriciate it. Link to comment
girl friend Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Maybe the person fears losing the rest of their family if they were to do this? It would surely have other consequences. The situation might not be so bad that other people need to know, and for them to be moved out. Maybe when it happens there is an understanding that it wasn't meant to happen. That the person knows their mother doesn't mean to do it. It is her understanding, not yours tho... If it ruins her reputation then so be it, she should have thought of that... If she's being thought of as the perfect mum, thats wrong, thats unfair too. If she is genuinely sorry each time it gets out of hand she would have asked for help herself now, anger management or therapy or something. She never gets better if it happens again and again, if she keeps hurting you, if she's never told you she loves you.. If you say sorry and don't change things, your not sorry at all. Please, think about speaking to someone, if just to explore your options.. you are so brave, i admire you. girl friend. Link to comment
Aurian Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 It is wrong. There is a big difference between a physical correction such as spanking and pushing someone down the stairs. Although many would call spanking abuse too, but I think sometimes physically correction might be needed as long as 1: there is no possibility of injury and 2: it is not done out of anger, frustration or other emotional extremes. Spanking is a correctional tool, not a way to hurt the child or release a parent's anger. I don`t know your age, and I don`t know why your mother justifies pushing you down the stairs, but you sound mature enough that spanking, much less something that could do physical injury to you, would be inappropriate. As for apologies - they mean nothing if a person just does the same thing again and again. Talk is cheap, actions mean more. Link to comment
girl friend Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Personally i'm against even smacking. Ever teaching a child to associate anger with pain, no matter how naughty they've been.. The mother must stay calm and work with the child, carefully discipline them to help shape the person they will be, but trusting and lovingly. Link to comment
Aurian Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 I understand, but sometimes it seems that the child isn`t always willing to listen, and I did qualify my definition of "acceptable" spanking to say that it should never be done out of anger, nor to cause pain. My parents spanked me on occasion when I was refusing to listen and misbehaving. It never actually hurt - it just more got my attention and reinforced that my behaviour was wrong and not acceptable. Either way, there is a world of difference between correctional spanking and what the OP is describing. That is abuse, anger and teaches the child nothing but to fear and mistrust their parent. Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I agree. The protectors to a child are the parents and teachers, and close family and trusted family friends. If they become the abusers the whole world is turned upside down for that child. And sadly it most often IS those people. People that the family trusts to leave the child alone with, people who can just waltz into the family home and be welcomed, people with respectable jobs in community who are loved by many, people that the child fears they would never be believed over... Link to comment
A World Away Posted October 5, 2008 Author Share Posted October 5, 2008 how you doing hun? I'm sure things will be ok. Thank you for your concern...it's thoughful. Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 I'm sure things will be ok. Thank you for your concern...it's thoughful. whats been happening though? Link to comment
girl friend Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 you still there child? Link to comment
lumu Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Get help. Even if its your mom. She needs help and you are helping her to get better. That's why she tells you not to tell people how the bruises happened. She is ashamed she hurt you but she doesnt want to admit she has a problem. You have to get help and then they will help her. Link to comment
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