Current girlfriend vs. Last (first) girlfriend

[wolfy1818]

Hey guys,

I am in a relationship that I always new really really lacked love and comitment on my girlfriends part for a long time. But never knew how much until I started to compare my first love (my highschool sweet heart) to this one. Started reading over old notes and such that my first girl gave me and check out some of these responses to the same topic by both girls: (lets see if I can not tear up this time)

 

First love: "I hardly ever go a minute without thinking about how wonderful you are..."

 

Current love: "No, I mean, I was having a lot of fun that weekend. Can't remember specifically thinking about you but I probably did at some point.

 

First love: "Sorry this is so short, but I just wanted to give you a quick little reminder about how great you are and how much I love you. With all my heart..."

 

Current love: "Why do I always have to say'I love you'? Why do you always need to hear it?" And when asked on a scale of 1-10 how much she loves me "I don't know... above a 6 for sure..."

 

First love: "To the greatest guy in the world..."

 

Current love: "Don't act like you are the best boyfriend, there are probably tons of guys out there sweeter than you. And I am sure there are guys out there that i would get along with better than with you, that's just the honest truth...."

 

First love: "I wish I was with you right now. I would just love to be in your arms... just be together..."

 

Current love: "Why do you always want to hear that mushy mushy stuff?"

 

First love: "I love you sooooooooo much, and i always will. You make me so happy!!"

 

Current love: I say to her "love you" she says "ditto" I say, "but do you love me?" She says "god, why do I always have to say it? I said ditto" and when asked "Do I make you happy?" She says "most of the time."

 

At to wrap it up let me just say that EVERY-SINGLE note I have picked up in this shoebox of hundreds of notes I have gotten from my first love has been sweeter than the sweetest e-mail/telephone conversation etc that I have had with my current girlfriend. Even the notes that were written to me while we were in a fight! They are still sweeter! They all say "I love you" or "sorry we are going through this but I know we can work it out, and I really do love being with you" etc.... What the hell am I doing here guys? Honestly. Please tell me. Am I the only one who sees this relationship I am in now as pretty un loveing on her end?

[wolfy1818]

and btw. This isn't stuff my current girlfriend said in an argument or anything... this is just normal talking. Each one of those responses, if I asked her about today I am fully 100% confident that she would stand behind them. Just wanted to let you all know that so you didn't think it was a baised thing. I was very unbaised in this comparison.

[foolishpleasure8]

Compared to your high school sweetie your new girlfriend isnt much. Comparing old relationships to new ones isnt always good, you dont want to compare every girl you go out with to your last. That would give both negatives and positives.But in this case if your not happy you should confront her. Tell her everything your feeling deep inside.If she has some smart comment about your feelings then she really doesnt care about you. You shouldnt stay in this relationship if you arent happy. I am sure there are tons of girls out there that would be intrested in you and its time you go out and find one that actually cares about you!!Good luck

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey Wolfy

 

I kinda understand what you go through. But I'm not sure what's going on in your case, are you comparing ur gf and ex or just needing a breather on how crap your gf treats you?

I'll assume second one.

 

If you're like me, you're the giver in a relationship, you give so much and get so little back. Do you ever feel like ur the only one holding the whole relationship 2getha? Like if you stop trying everything will fall apart so easy? Coz that's what i feel like sometimes.

 

I don't know why people are like that, I suppose its just different personalities, some chicks don't like that stuff whereas other love it. I really like the sweet stuff, I think we're just really sensitive guys. For my gf I don't think its bcoz she doesn't like it, I think she just has problems expressing herself from her heart. Its possible that ur girl feels the same and perhaps you pressure her to much that she gets a bit enraged. I remember when I got really angry at my gf once coz I felt like she treats me like crap and that she neva tries, I nearly broke up with her one day and she started crying bcoz she really had been trying. Your girl being angry could just be a way of expressing that she tries as well, so much that she's fustrated. Or maybe she's just totally not into that stuff, how does she act when you do your sweetalking?

 

I suppose at the end of the day. You really have to ask yourself some questions like "is this the same chick I fell for?" and "can I really stay with her like this?". For me, I'm just giving our relationship some time, hoping that she'll change and it should, good things take time. Plus, its not like I don't love her, I really do its just out personalities are totally different and sometimes, I think it'd be better if we were just friends. It's like the saying "men are like shoes, the ones you fall for aren't always the ones you can live with". You could consider the time possibility.

 

Happy Heb

[wolfy1818]

Quite honestly I just think I forgot what it was like to be in a real loving relationship and when I discovered what I had forgotten, it hit me kinda hard. Just needed to open up to you guys really. Thanks for the personal experience you shared Happy Heb. It seems like we can relate to this type of situation really well huh? I don't know why things are the way they are or why I can't be appreciated. I am so ready to be done looking for someone to spend the rest of my days with, but why can't life be done throughing me curves?

 

I have been wondering about my ex more lately. Especially after reading those notes and being reminded of how good i had it with her. How easy things were and how "does she really love me" was never a question. When the stupid little things were what made me happiest. When a note on my car after work or a surprise lunch time visitor at work wasn't too uncommon. I hardly rememebr the last time my current gf cared enough to come surprise me at work for lunch.

 

It's been hard to sleep lately. I often find myself up to 1,2 or 3am wishing I could turn back time and have done things differently. Wishing I could deliver an "SOS" to my highschool sweetie to tell her to come save me. All I need really is to be really loved by someone with their heart and soul. Something I used to have but has been all to long gone. I still have contact information for my ex, I wonder if...

[QTpie87]

holy sh@#! this girl is not near as good as your last. ditch this girl and go back to the old one.

[Cali_Gal]

Hiya Wolfy,

 

I couldn't help noticing your quote:

"So how far do you think it is?"

"I don't know but it looks like a long way away... but if we don't try then we'll never know right?"

"Right."

"So lets go!"

 

I kinda felt as I read each comment, and in having compared your sweetheart to your girlfriend, that your quote was like a permission slip to move on. I kinda feel like you're waiting for someone to say that it's alright to do so. I guess it's me.

 

You have been blessed with an Awesome example of how love can be expressed and yet you know of a good example of what you Do not want. So take yourself out of the negative and move to the positive. Look for the characteristics that your Sweetheart had, in the next woman with which you spend time. Communicate with each other on how you express love to each other. That'll help to tell you whether she's up to par, or not worth teeing up for.

 

I'll admit that us gals'll do the same thing. '...but he's so good, but he's not this..and he's not that... but I LOVE him..' and instead our knight is passing us by. Take time to consider what you have to gain by keeping such a relationship together, and consider what you have to gain by moving on.

 

And yes, you could give your girlfriend a chance, but I figured that she'd stay behind her lackluster-feely comments. It would be too painful for me to discover why or how far back the lack of love had messed up a man I was dating, unless HE Saw what was going on and *wanted* to work on it together.

 

I wish you the best, either or. However I don't know how far it is to the next special love. But if you don't try, you'll never know, right? Right. So YOU go.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey Wolfy

 

Sounds like you want this ex back. Maybe it is time to leave the relationship. Give her a call, what happened between you and ur high school sweetheart and how come you's don't contact each other anymore?

 

Don't regret things and don't turn back time. Time's untouchable for now, the past can't be change but the future can...

 

Happy Heb

[wolfy1818]

Happy Heb: I think very often that I would like her back. She's changed now I know for sure (we broke up over 2 years ago and have barely talked in the mean time). But I also know that she could still be someone I'd love to be with. I really just want to get to know my ex again for now. Who knows, she could have changed into something I don't want, but I doubt it, cause I know what she is deap down. I am sick of her memory haunting me every day. I really miss how sweetly she treated me. She has a new boyfriend now but I couldn't help it, I wrote her an e-mail describing exactly what I felt. And she asked me if I was trying to get her back or whatever.... she put it like this:

 

"I do think that we need to be clear on everyone's intentions. If your

ultimate goal is to get the "old Jil" back, then it's not going to happen.

And please be honest about this. Don't cover anything up by saying that you

just want to be my friend if that's not the way you actually feel."

 

(her name is Jil btw)

 

I wrote back saying that I don't know what I want for sure. I told her I atleast wanted to be her friend again and get to know the "new Jil". I am waiting for a response on that one. She is a busy girl so who knows when she'll write back. But I will keep ya'll up to date.

 

Cali_Gal: Thank you SO much for the reply, I must admit, that made a lot of sense and what you said really impacted me. I also changed the quote to what it should have been. I typed it wrong the first time, but same idea. It's from the movie "The Beach" with Leonardo DiCaprio. Bad movie but the book "The Beach" by Alex Garland is REALLY good. And after reading that, the movie was quite enjoyable. I really love that quote though. I love traveling and i usually relate the quote to that, but I can definantly see where you are coming from.

 

I've tried to work with this new girlfriend to get her to tell me she cares more etc... but it really doesn't work. And all she really says about it is "that's just the way I am". I don't know what I want to do. To be honest I think i am just stalling everything on purpose cause it's easier to. My relationship with this new girl has taken a step back, now we are just "dating" again and aren't bf/gf. I don't know if I want to progress or not. For arguments sake, lets just say I live with the way she is and I am with this new girl forever. I just know the memories of what love CAN be would haunt me to no ends and that I would be really un-fullfilled even though I do love many things about this new girl, many things. Just not how she treats her significant other in a relationship.

 

Holly molly, sorry guys for typin' so much but I forgot how helpful it is to release all my thoughts on this board. Thank you so much for the help you have provided me so far. You guys are the best! I will let ya know what happeneds with the e-mails to my ex but in the mean time feel free to respond or ANYONE can IM me on AIM "EvlWolfy" is my screen name. I'd love to talk. Take care guys (and girls).

 

Sorry this is so long again... lol.

 

-Wolfy1818