I cheated on my boyfriend and I dont know if i should tell

[chicamaja]

Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have only been going out for 3 months. I broke up with my boyfriend of about 2 years just a month before I began this new relationship (though the relationship between me and my 2 year boyfriend had been ending for a while.) I love my new boyfriend so much, and it's one of the best relationships I've ever had.

 

However, I went home for winter break, and my old boyfriend came over and we began kissing. It didn't go far at all -- I have never cheated on someone before and don't plan on it ever again. I did begin to cry because I miss him, despite how happy I am with my current boyfriend.

 

I know I did it just because it was something familiar and something that was comfortable to me.

 

I was planning on not telling my current boyfriend because I thought it would only cause problems, and since that incident, I've been fine. Worry and guilt free.

 

The problem is that last night we were discussing a little fight we had, and I commented that at the time of the fight, I thought he was going to break up with me. He told me he wouldn't have done that over something so small. I asked what would make him break up with me -- he answered that he would break up with me if I ever lied to him.

 

Am I lying to him now? Should I tell him what happened between me and my ex-boyfriend, even if it costs us our relationship?

 

Please, help.

[secret_agent_man]

Chicamaja,

I think, more importantly than lying to your boyfriend, you are lying to yourself. You are telling yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, and that it will just go away with time.

 

The fact is, since you posted it on here, you're obviously thinking about it. Hence, it hasn't gone away, and most likely will not.

I think a clear mind is the only way to be true to yourself and the people around you, so I would suggest that you discuss what happened. He will probably be angry, as he probably should be, but at least you will know that you tried to make the best of a bad situation. If you can do that, you should be very proud with yourself.

 

Nobody can change the past, and nobody should regret it... but the one thing we CAN do, is better ourselves from our past mistakes. If you can suck up your pride and tell him about all of this, you will have gained something from that mistake. You will gain the power of knowing yourself better.

If you don't discuss it with him, then you will always have it in the back of your mind... that you couldn't get the strength to be honest with someone you care about.

 

Please keep in mind that these are only opinions, but I have been on both sides of the fence with this one, and I learned that honesty is one of the most important things in relationships, and also in life.

 

Good luck with it all, I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do!

[justagirl]

I agree 100% with secret agent man....you need to tell him because it will never go away if you try to ignore it.

 

Justagirl

 

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

I just replied a similar post so I'll take some of that and ad in here.

Ok, u've cheated and now you're going to face some problems.

One of such is lost of trust.

Getting caught by your significant other will lead to dozens of problems, both short and long-term. First of all, he/she can very well leave your butt on the spot. Relationships are built on trust and breaking that bond is often irreversible.

 

But if he/she really loves you and decides to maintain the relationship, then you have some interesting problems for the road ahead. How does getting questioned about everything you do sound? Or even better, knowing that your significant other could hold your screw up above your head for the remainder of your relationship? Let us give you a quick answer here; it will suck.

 

At the end of the day You WILL HURT your bf. In most cases, you will shatter their trust, their opinion of you, as well as their beliefs in the relationship. They may leave you and have every right to do so. Even if you are forgiven, the relationship will never be the same. You will be hurt. You did care about your significant other and if they end the relationship, it will be over. You may lose friends once they find out.

 

Loss of Respect:

This ties in with the loss of trust in a relationship because if you cannot keep your pants on when you are with someone, you are a sorry piece of work. Most people with healthy relationships believe not only in respecting their spouse, but also believing and respecting one's self. Without this key element, he/she will be questioning if it is really worth their time to continue staying with you. Furthermore, you integrity as a quality person will be jeopardized. If you get dumped, who are you going to try for next? Oh her/him? Sorry, he/she heard about your exploits and is not going to touch you with a ten-foot pole. Believe us when we say, "word gets around fool".

 

I'm not sure wether you need to tell him as you've only been with him for 3 months and that would be the maximum acceptable limit coz things are still new. However, if you don't spill it out now, you risk the secret coming to light later on in the future and causing more damage. You also risk your role in the relationship, if you are able to cheat and keep it a secret, what else are you capable of?

 

In either case, it comes down to your decision and your motives. Despite your decision, there is one thing that you should NEVER do: ask friends, family, even the other person to lie for you. This is your mess, you can ask them not to tell, but don't ask them to lie directly. If they are asked directly by your significant other, they shouldn't have to compromise themselves for your gain.

 

Happy Heb

[dksh44]

I think out of respect you should be honest with him, if he was i you would be going back to the old boyfriend sounds like a rebound relationship to me anyway!!Good luck but you should be honest and let the guy find a good woman that wouldnt cheat on him!!Those accidental kisses is Bull Wake UP!!!!!