A question of trust?

[secret_agent_man]

Hello all!

 

I have something... and it's not really a question; more of something I wanted to get opinions on and discuss.

 

I was with my ex-fiancee for 5 years, we had ups and downs, but all in all it was a great relationship. It eventually ended (after being engaged for 6 months) when she got a little nervous/scared about the future of things. I completely respect what happened, and really what I want for her is happiness. So I am not bitter, I look back and smile on the great time we had together.

 

As I said, we had downs as well... things weren't always easy, but through it all we were best friends. That's what really made it work. I am sad that it has ended, but at the same time I am at peace with it all. We got to clear things up, and hang out as friends for a few weeks before we stopped talking, so I am much more comfortable with things now.

 

--[names have been changed to protect the innocent ]--

Then, I was talking to a friend Amy today. Amy and I were talking about my best friend Chris. He had split with his girlfriend almost a year ago, and they had a very unstable relationship anyway; we all knew it wouldn't last. Anyway, Amy told me that Chris' ex-girlfriend had been emailing, calling and "seeing" Amy's ex boyfriend. All of this was happening while everyone was still together. So, Amy and I don't know that those two actually "cheated" or not, but we have good reason to believe so.

 

This was a surprise to me I guess, just because I hadn't heard about it before... it was a little bit of "tasting reality" I suppose.

Now, what I am wondering to myself... My ex and I had a very close relationship, and I don't believe she would do anything like that, but now I sort of question all of my trust for her. It makes me upset at myself - because I know I have no reason not to trust my ex. But something inside me is sort of confused by all of this. I also know that talking to my ex, to ask her if she ever "did" anything that I should know about, would be wrong. But it's hard now, wondering if maybe I had blinders on just like my friend Chris.

 

It's really hard when you think about the fact that you have no idea what someone else is actually thinking, and you don't know how their mind works.

 

So, unfortunately, seeing as I probably shouldn't contact my ex about this, I think I'm losing trust for the world. I mean... I trust my friends as much as I should, but I wonder after hearing all of this: will I be able to be comfortable and open up to someone again?

 

The sad part of this is that I don't even think for one second that my ex would be cold hearted enough to hide something like that from me after all these years, but still, I feel untrusting. I guess what it is, is that I'm afraid that at my age and in my situation, I'm going to have a hard time finding someone I can trust (like my ex).

 

ouch, my head huts

Any thoughts on this one???

 

S.A.M.

[QTpie87]

yeah, you know what i hope that someday you will find someone to trust again. i am doing something like that with my ex right now also. im in hightschool and a few months ago before we broke up some guys were telling me that he was cheating on me with some blonde chick. well i knew it wasn't true because i have known him for over 2 years and he wouldn't ever do anything like that to me or anyone else, but yesterday for some reason i brought it up and threw it in his face, i feel horrible because i still love him and he still really cares about me and he wouldn't ever do anything like that. well im sorry to hear about what you ar going through but goodluck.

[secret_agent_man]

Thanks QTpie!

I'm not really going through a whole lot, though. It's not going to keep me up at night or anything, it's just something I'm curious about.

 

We grew up together, really. That's why we trusted eachother so well, and that's why we were such great friends... even now, we are not in contact, but we are best friends even today. It would just be too hard to remain in contact, I don't think it would be good for either of us.

Like I said, I'm comfortable with all of that now. I'm not really concerned over my past relationship... I still trust that she would have been honest with me.

 

I know there are a few good-hearted people out there, and I know I'll eventually find another one... but the only hard part is knowing that I already had one, and I don't know how many other opportunities I'll get. I guess what I realized from my friend's situation is that even the people you think you know better than your own self can turn in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, I don't like feeling that way... Maybe that will change with time, but the more people I meet, the more it seems true.

 

S.A.M.

[vfunkera]

S.A.M. You've just reminded me of a story regarding trust, and im sure after you read it your mind will be blown away- well mine was when i think about it. Its short but complicated. And it leads to the question who do i trust?

 

Lets see if i can get this out right. (This is a true story) and names have been changed to protect the innocent! my ex's best friend Lala (girl) is going out with a guy called Jojo. Jojo's bestfriend Yoyo (guy) is going out with Lala and my exes friend Hehe. A bit of a double date.

 

One night my ex and Hehe go to a club with Jo and some of his mates including me. Lal can't make it, but asks my ex and Hehe- whos boyfriend Yoyo can't make it either- to look after her boyfriend (jo). I dance with girls, and my ex gets jealous. So she decided to flirt with Jo- her best friend's (known each other since kindergarden) boyfriend to get me back! And then Hehe gets into the act as well. By the end of the night the three look like a serious dating couples.

 

So in the process, my ex has betrayed her best friend Lal. Hehe has also betrayed Lal, and also her boyfriend Yoyo. And Jo has betrayed his girlfriend Lal (flirting with her two best friends) and his best friend Yoyo (flirting with his girlfriend Hehe).

 

The worrying thing is that the relationships are still going because NO ONE said a single thing about it to the betrayed Lal and Yoyo. Their own bestfriends cheated with their 'other halfs', and they aren't suspecting a single thing. Its really worrying on my part, because i see these couples daily and feel sorry for the secrecy that plays init. So after a story like that where best friends do stuff behind their backs (my ex and Lala are considered 'soul mates' may i add), i am left wondering who can i trust? How do i know that this kind of thing hasn't happened behind my back? Mt own ex? It almost infuriates me.

 

So yea i know what you mean SAM. I find it hard to trust hardly any words i hear now in public. Best friends as well.

 

Good luck

[secret_agent_man]

HA! That was a tough one, I had to write it down! (well, no, I didn't, but I should have!)

 

Anyway... that's exactly what I mean. I trust my close friends, and I know they wouldn't cross those lines with me (they know my wrath). The problem would be with a new girl, and the people she hangs out with. I'm really stuck, wondering why all this "girls gone wild" has changed the actions of just about everyone I know (guys included, don't worry).

 

It seems that sex, trust and commitment have all been made out to be "meaningless" these days. That saddens me greatly. The worst part of it is, that media promotes all of this... but only because that's what the public wants! I can't ever blame the media for cheapening any of this stuff, because it's a business, and if people want to buy cheap thrills, then someone's gotta sell it.

 

Unfortunately, there's people like you and I out here too, and we're getting fewer by the day.

 

S.A.M.