I'm cocky... the first step is admiting it.

[Edak]

Hey ENA! Not sure if this is me looking for advice or just wanting to vent.

 

Regardless.

 

I met up with an old friend, she was one of my closests friends in highschool. We havn't seen each other for over a year, but we have hung out several times over the last month. We each moved onto different colleges. Now we are living in the same town. I used to always tell her my feelings and she would do the same. Basically we both started talking, and my biggest issue lately is it's easy to get a girl to like me, but feels impossible to hold onto her. I really thought I was being clingy. She told me otherwise.

 

Everything she told me, I already knew. I just didn't realise it. I'm cocky, I'm not confident. I still look for validation from every girl I meet, I want to KNOW she thinks I'm good looking/funny/entertaining. I know I'm cocky, because as she was telling me I was cocky, I kind of liked it. Cocky people like to be told they are cocky. Also it's odd because it's something I've done in my head for a long time. I've had this foolish thought that "If girls think you can get any girl you wanted, they will want you." Basically, I've changed a lot. Apparently now I'm much better looking too.

 

Am I just pullin in girls because (maybe) I'm physically attractive?

 

How can I convert this cockyness into actual confidence? I want to take couseling but can't afford it. I'm considering talking to an LDS bishop because all my friends are very religious (I'm much more Agnostic) and they suggested it.

 

If I could blame anything, I'd blame my past. I used to be very overweight and unattractive, with no personality. Now I'm at a healthy weight, in shape, and I know I can be a fun person to be around.

Thanks everyone!

 

-Kade

[Bkoguy07]

Man, I was about to post this same thing, I'm really cocky and got called egotistical like 3 mins ago. Lol I don't know how to be more humble I really don't talk about myself alot, and when I ask for specific examples they can never list them. I try to be humble but then people are always like quit being humble. So I get confused. I think everyguy is cocky, its just in some its more apparent.

[Edak]

It's so funny you say that, because I do the same thing. I ask for specific stuff and no one can ever tell me. I really thought I was confident, but apparently it's cockyness. Not gonna lie though, I still find it as a good thing when people call me cocky. So I probably have an issue. Haha

[bijoux27]

I don't think there is anything wrong with loving the way you look. And being confident that a lot of girls will find you attractive. Just don't put all of your self worth into physical looks.

[jengh]

You're in college? Most colleges offer free counseling.

 

And I think most 19yr old boys are cocky.

[blackandgold]

I think sometimes it can be a fine line between coming off as cocky and confident. It's a good thing that you can admit it though. There's a huge differnce between cocky guys who actually have a reason to be and guys who are cocky because theyre not confident. I don't mind a cocky guy as long as he actually has a reason to be, probably has alot to do with the people I grew up with lol. If you don't feel confident in yourself I think you should talk to a counsellor or a psychiatrist. I don't know if a priest is the right person to talk to for that specific problem.

[Edak]

Well I'd call it Confidence. But I'm told it comes accross as cockiness. Oh well. Plus I'll look into the school shrink. Thanks

[jengh]

I see a career counselor weekly and they haven't charged me ANYTHING. Last year, I saw one of their regular ones too. It's a small perk of being in college, I guess.

[Bkoguy07]

Yeah i feel you dude. Owell all the girls I have asked have said I wasn't mainly just my friends. Their just mad cuz they suck

[jtracy]

You reminded me of a guy I used to know in high school. Tim was brilliant but had a difficult personality. It was clear that his parents preferred his brother who was not so smart but easier to get along with. They praised his brother if he got a B on his report card, but never praised Tim, no matter how well he did. Tim was very cocky too, and also ended up getting involved in drugs and vandalism (which I think doesn't often happen with a guy who's really intelligent). I am convinced that this was a desperate effort to get his parent's attention. What I'm getting at is that I think that cockiness is simply an attempt to prove to the world (and most importantly to yourself) that you are okay; and, perhaps, that you don't need anyone else. It comes not from egotism, but from a lack of self-respect. People who are cocky have no real self-confidence. You shouldn't need someone else to tell you how good you are, because you should know it already. As to gaining real self-confidence, I think it helps to take inventory of all your strengths and all your successes. Everyone has had some successes in their life, but they tend to focus on all the times they failed instead. Be proud of what you have accomplished. If you used to be very overweight and unattractive, with no personality and now you're at a healthy weight, in shape, and know you can be a fun person to be around, that certainly sounds to me like a lot to be proud of.

[Edak]

Thanks jtracy!

 

It's was really interesting reading you post because I feel a lot like that's me. I graduated Highschool early and pass all my classes by tests only. I scored a 31 on my ACT, and was the top student (As far as testing went) in my school. (I had a D average) I at one point got really involved with Alcohol and partying. I've vandalized, but never been in trouble for it, and I've gone through a really big phase of kleptomania (Seriously, I stole for the sheer purpose of stealing). Never got in trouble for any of it though, which is good.

 

My parents were always good to me, but I have a Step dad that I never accepted while I was in highschool, so just because they were great parents didn't mean we had a good relationship. I'd definitely say my motivation in half of what I say is to prove I don't need anyone else.

 

Worst part; I really want someone else, and I've been known to push away a lot of great girls. When it comes to guy friends, I'm ok. I think I'm scared of getting hurt. Oh well, that's a whole nother topic entierly.

[akazie]

I wouldn't put much weight into what other people say, if you feel that you are confident instead of cocky that is all that matters, even you said yourself that these people can not tell you what makes you cocky.