Should I, or shouldn't I??

[jammer180]

I'm going to try to make this short, basically I've been thinking about this for a week and can't decide what to do....

 

Together on and off for a year, never really faught. Took a week break a few weeks back becuase he needed time to sort through his feelings for me, wasn't sure he could say he loved me or that we were meant to be, but couldn't make up his mind. After the week, he asked for more time. I said I couldn't wait forever and that we'd have to be broken up becuase he didn't know how long he needed but he wanted to give himself a chance to miss me. Big emotional talk for 2 days, we broke up. He said he'd still be thinking, I said I could wait a week or two but would have to move on after that.

 

2 weeks go by, he finally comes on msn. I tell him about a job I got becuase he'd wanted to know about it. He is happy and asking me about it. Then I rip into him saying many many mean things to try to hurt him becuase he hurt me. Told him he was horrible for keeping me holding on and that I realize he never cared at all.. many mean things. We've never faught really so it was highly out of character for me. We said our goodbyes afterwards becuase I basically forced him to say he did not want to be with me.

 

I feel horrible. I can't move on because I still love him, as if that isn't hard enough already I now feel like a really big * * * * * too. I just want to email him to say I'm sorry for saying mean things to purposly try to hurt you because I was hurting. I realize that you've made this decision based on how you feel and what you think is best for both of us, and I respect that. Now that I've had some time to think I realize that it's for the best and I wish you well.

 

For some reason, I think it will make me feel better. I guess it's becuase I don't want his last vision of me to be that of me being so horrible. I of course want him to look back and realize what he threw away, I want to move on though, if he ever did come back I'd hope I'd be at the point where I could say forget it! I feel like I can't move on becuase I feel like a * * * * * and I think he is thinking I'm one too. I know he was only trying to be honest and do what was best... would it be so bad for me to just apologize for mean things said and say I realize it's for the best and wish him well and be done with it??? I know everyone will just say forget it stay NC and move on, but I don't want either of us to look back years from now and regret the time we spent together becuase it ended on a fight. I'm torn on what to do.

[Hollyj]

Honestly, I would wait this one out for a few months and see if you feel the same, things are fresh now and we don't always act as rationally as we should.

 

Your ex will not remember you for how the relationship ended, it doesn't work that way. In the future when he thinks of your relationship he will think of it as a whole not just the bad spot at the end.

 

Please don't use this as an excuse to try and make contact, you'll only regret it later.