Does anybody think the same way I do about this?

[Princess777]

My husband has this habit, I should say it appears to ME that he has this habit, of talking and laughing with other women in front of me...... I see it as a sign of disrespect. I'm not saying that I want him to be closed off from the world or whatever, but I don't chat unnecessarily with guys so why does he have to do it with girls? I really am beginning to think that there is nobody out there who think the same way I do about relationships and that I'm a freak, like I'm not supposed to be monogamous.... I mean, I thought that's what monogamy was.

[murrman]

I think you need to let him know how much it really bothers you. It sounds like he doesn't know that it bothers you this much. Try crying while telling him how much it bothers you and if he doesnt stop after that he could just be a total

[slc333]

It sounds like he may be pretty insecure if you ask me. If he feels the need to make you jealous all the time, that's a sign of immaturity and insecurity in the relationship.

 

You did say you only have male friends. This could be the source of his insecurity and need to make you jealous. While you having mainly male friends may seem like nothing to you, believe me, it's a big turn off for most guys. And if you throw out the excuse that you're so beautiful that all girls hate you - well that's just going to fuel feelings of resentment on any guy's part. He may be acting out his frustration with that. He may not want you to know that the things you do make him jealous. But from the things you're saying, it sounds like he has a jealous streak in him that you may be hitting on.

 

You may need to examine why it really is that you only seem to have male friends. You being so beautiful that girls are jealous of you is a pretty ridiculous statement. If you have an overwhelming need to receive lots of additional male attention besides your husband, this is most definitely causing him lots of pain. It's okay for girls to have guy friends, but just be sure you have guy friends for the right reasons. If he sees you hanging out with your guy friends all the time and sees them looking at you and flirting with you, this will drive any guy crazy. You probably like having guy friends because it is a confidence builder for you. And it sounds like you need this excessive male attention for reasons of insecurity on your own part. So think about that for a bit to see if any of that could apply to you. I may be way off with my assessment. But if you think it may apply a little, you two should sit down and have a frank discussion about the jealousy you both feel.

 

Just sit down and have a serious talk with him to see if you have been making him jealous at all. And also tell him that the way he flirts with girls makes you jealous. I have a girlfriend that is very flirty, so I know what you're going through. I don't want to intentionally make her jealous either.

 

I hope this helps. I am obviously making a few leaps here that may or may not apply to you.

 

Good luck

[routerx]

It's all about love. Sounds as if he is actually quite insecure about your love because he keeps testing to see if it's there.

 

I would suggest, as hard as this is, to smother him with love for 1 week straight. See if his behavior changes. I'm talking about holding his hand, looking into his eyes, and connecting with his heart on a very, very intimate level. Do this regularly for a week and see if he changes.

 

I think he's testing your love because he's a bit insecure about it.

[Princess777]

Thank you for your input - I appreciate it and anyone else's.... Could it be that he is just trying to make HIMSELF feel more desirable by gathering approval from these women, because of his insecurity?

[Princess777]

routerx,

 

Wow, really? I never thought of that......although my friend tells me that I am way too nice to him and put up with way too much crap. I am pretty confused and disturbed over this.

[slc333]

Well, if that is true that you don't hang out with lots of males anymore (as you shouldn't if yoou're married), than you're right, his being jealous of "guy friends" would not apply here.

There could still be something that you may not realize that makes him jealous. It doesn't sound like it, but keep an eye on it.

 

I would still recommend letting him know that his flirtatiousness is making you jealous. Otherwise, how can you expect him to really undertsand what you are feeling? Talk to him and see if it changes at all. I think excessive flirting by a companion is extremely disrespectful. I mean a little innocent flirting is no big deal. But when it's out of hand, it's totally inconsiderate. If he says that's just the way he is, then it may be difficult to ever see a change. But hopefully once he understands how that makes you feel, he will be willing to work on or change his behavior.

[Princess777]

Well, I have told him, many times. I tried to do it in a nice way and I've tried the mad way. He just keeps doing it, and his defense is that I am insecure and that "it gets old"..... I guess he doesn't care how I feel and that's the way it is. Thank you so much for your help.

[buffalosoldier]

Hey girl,nice to see ya on here again!

 

Sorry about what you are going through,you sound really frustrated! I just wanted you to know that YES i totally agree with how you think about relationships on ALL levels,we have had many discussions in the past and im pretty sure we are on the exact same level about men and relationships,and indeed our morals.

 

I am exactly the same as you,i am loyal,faithful and loving towards my boyfriend and will fight to the death with anyone that says i am not.

 

I agree with parts of what the other posters have said,i like routerx's idea. While some people may say that you are being too nice to him, i personally think its always much better to be nice about things and generate positive karma,rather than screaming and stamping your feet to get what you want.I think that your husband is somewhat insecure,he is trying to keep you on your toes aswell as checking that you are still interested of course. Some men are funny like that sometimes.-They would rather chew glass than just come out and be honest about their feelings and what they want.

 

Have you asked him if he is doing this on purpose?or what his reasons are for talking to everything in a skirt? He may think he is being totally innocent, and in which case,would you still be mad at him?

If i was in your situation,i would,however hard it proved,grit my teeth and pretend like it didnt bother me.I think you should maybe try that. That way you will know if he is purposely trying to make you jealous,as he will see that he is getting no reaction and it will stop.

 

Ultimately,i would play him at his own game. Simple,but it is a sure fire way to make him understand.If he can walk a day in your shoes im sure he will get the message.

 

Good luck

[ilinara]

Your husband is jealous. Insure him that you lov him and want to be with him and tell him you don't like his ''habit''. If he keeps doing it flirt with someone really attractive in front of him, he has to feel how that feels.

[VickiRose]

I hope that this doesn't sound bad... Have you ever considered marriage therapy? (a male therapist, would be good, just so hes not trying to make the doc laugh...) This way you both can discuss the issue together with the advice of a professional.

[beckerjean79]

If this man was your boyfriend, I would say, please re-think this relationship. However, this man is your husband, best friend, and life partner; and you definitely don't want to live like this for the rest of your life do you? His love for you cannot be denied. In fact, his actions show that he loves you very very much. You said you are attractive and slender--good-looking AND you are probably nice and easy to get along with. This scares him, and he thinks that you can get any man you want probably. By flirting with other women in front of you and getting them to show interest, he's showing you,"See! I can get other women to like me! Pay attention to me! She should know that I'm a catch b/c all the gals like me!" My personal suggestion to you is to write a heartfelt letter to him. Don't be accusatory (I'm not saying you would), but just speak truly about how this hurts you and makes you cry. If your husband loves you, then he doesn't want to hurt you. This letter needs to be put together well and you need to tell him that you think he's wonderful and that you love him as much as you did when you first married (only if this is true, of course). If he respondes hastily and like a jerk to the letter, then I don't know what to tell you! You can't go on living like this forever--it can ultimately destroy the relationship. Perhaps if he knew that much he would ultimately stop this inappropriate and tasteless behavior once and for all.

[AzurePhoenix]

I read carefully many of the posts here and did not see one that addressed my initial thoughts on this. The fact that your husband spent 7 years in jail and how you describe him tends to reflect upon a high degree of antisocial behavior.

 

Simply put from his perspective: it is not about love or respect or mutual understanding or a mutually beneficial relationship. It is about control.

 

That is how you survive in prision and how it changes your thoughts and behaviors. It is about power and control. It if very difficult for the vast majority of "normal" people to understand this type of behavior and the underlying drivers that motivate it.

 

My guess is that if you take a look at the book "I hate you, dont leave me" you will see your husband within these pages and be able to gain a better understanding of what you are experiencing.

 

AzurePhoenix