Question for the ladies (or men who have figured them out)

[romeo1546]

So we all know what not to do after breakups, begging being one of the key things to avoid. My question is, if a girl and a guy go through a not so harsh break up (maybe just a fight that got out of hand, etc.), then why is it ENA code not to chase the girl?

 

I know there's a difference between proactive towards the ex girlfriend and being needy/pathetic, and Hollywood has regrettably shown us time after time where the ex boyfriend professes his love for his ex girlfriend and she breaks down and realizes he's the one and she gets back together with him.

 

But why does this never seem to happen in any of our stories? There are plenty of us who went through mild breakups, ones that shouldn't have happened, and ones that definitely seem like they won't last for long, yet our common advice is to back off and let the ex realize their mistake. Are there any girls in this world that hear sweet words and realize they were being foolish?

[lana111]

in my opinion, if you break up over a little fight you are either A) in high school or B) really not that into the relationship.

 

in my past if i had a little fight with my bf i would break it off, mostly bc when it came down to it i really didnt care.

 

but if i were to have a big fight with my current bf the last thing i would do it break it off bc i dont want to let him go, not even for a second, not even in the heat of an argument.

 

and i personally wouldnt foolishly break off a relationship i truly desired... so the guy would never have to try and charm me with sweet words

 

itd be nice if life worked like the movies though...

[Cognitive_Canine]

in my opinion, if you break up over a little fight you are either A) in high school or B) really not that into the relationship.

 

in my past if i had a little fight with my bf i would break it off, mostly bc when it came down to it i really didnt care.

 

but if i were to have a big fight with my current bf the last thing i would do it break it off bc i dont want to let him go, not even for a second, not even in the heat of an argument.

 

and i personally wouldnt foolishly break off a relationship i truly desired... so the guy would never have to try and charm me with sweet words

 

itd be nice if life worked like the movies though...

 

agreed. If you break up for a little fight...not much of a relationship then, eh?

[romeo1546]

agreed. If you break up for a little fight...not much of a relationship then, eh?

 

agreed. just focusing more on asking why cute romantic gestures don't work, rather than focusing on the causes of the breakup. I'm just saying, cute romantic gestures wouldn't work in certain obvious circumstances (most abusive relationships, etc.), but they would seem to have a better chance to work in instances where the breakup wasn't so harsh or necessary

[Cognitive_Canine]

agreed. just focusing more on asking why cute romantic gestures don't work, rather than focusing on the causes of the breakup. I'm just saying, cute romantic gestures wouldn't work in certain obvious circumstances (most abusive relationships, etc.), but they would seem to have a better chance to work in instances where the breakup wasn't so harsh or necessary

 

Well, most people on ENA have tried that already. However, eventually we must bite the bullet and accept that it just wasn't meant to be.

 

In my experience, I was asked "please take me back" within 2 weeks of all my breakups. I used NC too. In fact, I often acted even more confident, lively, and put together than normal just to stick it to them.

 

The point of NC is to retain the most dignity, self worth, and self preservation that you can after a breakup. Sometimes you just need some me time.

[bijoux27]

But why does this never seem to happen in any of our stories? There are plenty of us who went through mild breakups, ones that shouldn't have happened, and ones that definitely seem like they won't last for long, yet our common advice is to back off and let the ex realize their mistake. Are there any girls in this world that hear sweet words and realize they were being foolish?

 

It's happened to me last year. And we're still together, and happy.

 

I think if it happens once or twice, and it did not take too much out of you, then forgiveness is a magical thing. The key here is to go with your gut and know that you deserve something good, don't stay in anything unhealthy. People make mistakes all the time, love is a risk.