One of my best friends hardly has time for me

[Rocknmetal]

I have been close friends with this guy for several years. We met nine years ago and had a few years of going our own ways. About three years ago, we reconnected and have been close again. However, the last three weekends he has seemingly attempted to make plans with me, but he only gives me a small window of an hour or two and is not flexible at all. When we hang out, we both have to drive an hour to our original home town to meet. So allowing for such a small inflexible window makes it difficult. Outside of seeing each other, we often talk online or on the phone, but he hasn't tried to do this much either. I want to bring my concerns to his attention without sounding needy. Any suggestions?

[shikashika]

how old are you? friends do grow apart. when you get older its not the same anymore.

[Rocknmetal]

I disagree. I think that anyone can maintain a long-term friendship if both try. I am asking advice about how to approach the topic with my friend. Thanks

[Aviatormy]

Well first of all I agree with the above poster in that friends to sometimes grow apart. The fact that you live an hour away from where you can meet up with him can be a part of it as well.

 

I know that when I returned to my hometown after 5 years in the military, MANY of my friends had really changed. Although a lot of them were very happy to see me and we spent the next year hanging out with each other, I found it in my best interest to ween off of them and grab a hold of some new friends that I had more in common with.

 

A really good example of BEST friends growing apart (which might relate to your story a little bit more) is When I was 5 years old I had met a friend who would soon become my best friend for the next 20 years. We did everything together. He got married a few years back and moved out of state. We tried to keep contact but it was too hard. I rarely talk to him. (once or twice a year) but when we do see each other, its just like the good ol days again.

 

I would suggest that you bring up to this friend that you would like to hang out a bit more often, honesty never hurt anyone. See where it goes from there. In the meantime, try to find a larger group of friends that you can hang out with locally. Don't put all your effort into this one friend. I am sure he will not go anywhere.

 

On another note, having a best friend is pretty close to being in a relationship because there are a lot of expectations with this best friend compared to your "good" friend. It is very possible to develope an emotional attatchment to this guy and you could be smothering him with all the conversations. Try not to dicipline him for leading his own life. Friends that are true to you will also go a separate way for a bit but in the end, they will always be there when you need them.

[shikashika]

If you approach the topic with your friend you may come accross as needy and clingy and high maintenance.. No one wants a high maintenance friend.

 

 

Maybe they just don't want to spend as much time with you as you dow ith your friend.. Its just the way it is sometime. Just like in a relationship, the harder you try, the more they will push you away.