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Girlfriend is listless, unsure what to do


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Me and my girlfriend have been together for close to three years now. She lives at home with her parents, I'm 23 and she's 22. About two years ago I moved in with her, and together we live in the top floor of the home and I give her parents money in the form of rent. When I met her and moved in she worked at a nearby restaraunt, but then quit when a management change made working there terrible. Since then she has had one seasonal job over the last holidays but has otherwise been unemployed for close to the last two years.


Every time I bring up the subject about her getting a job she immediately gets depressed and sometimes starts crying. She is apparently convinced she cannot get a job, and yet her student loans are close to reaching a year of backlog now. We once talked about moving out and possibly getting married, but i can't see how that is possible now.


I'm just really torn up about it. On one hand I love her, but on the other I am finding it harder and harder to view her as a person who can take care of herself. I mean, I feel like I need proof that she can do that before we would ever move out together, and if anything else I am getting the exact opposite vibe.


Any advice on what I should do?

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Don't marry someone who has a large amount of debt because that becomes your problem as well. You should settle out your differences first before anything. If you like to live with her you have to tell her that you need to see her having a steady job so the bills can all be paid and you don't end up with more bills than money. Thats usually how it is, but its an example.

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What does she do all day?


I take it you work?


It sounds like she does have problems and often the more you stay in and dont make the effort to go out, socialise, work, take exercise etc then the harder it becomes...its like a vicious circle.


First you need to decide if your commitment and effort and love lie with this woman. Because it could take a long time to get her through it, and if you dont want to put this in, that is absolutely understandable. But you dont want to go through helping her, get so far then walk out cos this could upset her and set her back again. SO have a long hard think about what you want.


Then if you want to help and hang around you need to sit her down and have a proper tlak with her. Its ok if she gets upset, she can still listen. But if she wont listen or gets hysterical, then end the conversation and tell her you'll talk again when she has calmed down.


She is an adult and needs to be able to deal with things and face up to the problems.


So tell her your not happy, you want to be with her, but that your stuck in a rut, you value you independance and want her to value hers (I know there is nothing more unattractive in a person then them being un-independent and unable to take care of themselves).


If you werent living with her parents and had a lot more bills etc to pay then she probably wouldnt of been able to get stuck in this rut, as she would of had more responsibilities.


But thats what she is, stuck in a complete rut.


This is going to be a long haul, and you ned to take baby steps with her, slowly, slowly. Go out for walk, get some fresh air, that should perk her up a bit. Help her look for jobs and be supportive. Tell her to go and see some friends and make sure you are seeing yours etc.


Persevere while you can and hopefully it will start to click.


But think of yourself too. If you are not happy and cant deal then break free. It might be what she needs to kick herself into gear.


Good luck and keep us updated! xx

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she could be depressed. i know a few people who behave like this. Its a terrible spyrial especially if your not working or getting out enough. perhaps get her to see a counselor


I agree. I didn't have a job for a year and it was horrible. I have depression and it makes the depression worse when you sit around all day with no purpose.

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