finding out your ex has a new bf

[doyouloveme]

it's been almost a year since the breakup. i thought i was healed to the point where i could start a friendship with my ex again. i even started talking to her as a friend, and i was happy about it. but today, i found out that my ex just got a new bf. neither of us had been in a relationship since we broke up. and for some reason, it hurts. i don't even know why. i should be happy for her. i thought i would be. i don't know if it's cause i'm jealous of the fact that she found a bf before i found a gf, or if it's just because i still have feelings for her? I really don't know. I'm guessing that this means I shouldn't talk to her anymore? I really was looking forward to finally moving on and being good friends with her. I'm really disappointed that I feel this way.

[Rising]

eh... this happens

 

It's a slap in the face but it's one of those slaps you gotta know is coming. Any girl you've spent enough time with and care about will bring out this type of feeling if she moves on first.

 

Some guys are unphased by it, but plenty get hit by it every time. I've had it both ways actually. Depends how the break up goes as well. If you are the leaver sometimes its easier.

 

It could be that you still carry feelings for her, but doesn't mean that this feeling won't go away in a short time. Just keep focusing on your own stuff and you'll get past it.

 

I got hit pretty hard a couple times by the girl that I loved most after we broke up. Cept for me it was finding out 6 months later that she was engaged to a friend of a friend... and pregnant... oops married already but couldn't bring herself to tell me the truth. That failed and then a year later she decided to start dating my old college roommate (the guy I grew up with and lived accross the street from my whole childhood). So yeah. That feeling is pretty awesome. heh Sometimes the womenz be the devilz. Just keep movin' bud.

[cpujunkie]

Stay strong and keep taking care of yourself first.

[yellowknight]

It's hard. I broke up with my ex on very good terms 10 months ago. Thought I was fine with it until she told me last month she was seeing someone. Much to my surprise, it hurt like a mofo. I called her up, poured out my feelings to her (yes, bad, I know) and she told me she had been seeing him for a "couple months."

 

Found out later she lied ... that she'd been with him just 3 months after we broke up. Now I think she may have been talking to him before we split. She lied about a lot of other details, too. It seems like the more time passes, the more I find out and it hurts.

 

Part of me wants to know the whole truth, but part of me feels learning more and more will just prolong the pain and keep me from healing.

 

It hurts so bad, I wake up to heartache and conflict. I just want to move past all this and get on with my life.

[doyouloveme]

yeah i know what you mean. in a way, i wish i hadn't found out about it cause it really doesn't matter anyway. she's free to be with whoever she wants since we are no longer a couple. i really thought that i would be okay about it because i knew this day would come eventually. but it still hurts a lot. i guess it just naturally hurts seeing someone that was yours for so long being with someone else. all we can do is stay strong and get through this.

[Takotsubo]

Stay strong bro... Means you're not completely over her. But at the same time, it's a final closure and you can only go up from here...

 

It does hurt a lot and sets you back a little bit. You'll get through this! Just keep posting here..

[Steve 7745]

I had an ex who turned around and started dating my best friend of 10 years. It was no ignorance on his part either, I introduce her to him. They flirted lightly when they met and I thought nothing of it. Then the flirting grew heavier about the time we broke up.

 

We went NC, but they kept on flirting until they started seeing each other a year later. I didn't know at the time, but my attentions where alarmed when he asked to hang out when he "comes to Maryland to see her for Spring Break". I tried to tell myself they were just being good friends.

 

HA!

 

He casually admits that they had something going on. Course, he broke up with her. The one thing I hated more then anything is that she seriously expected me to be "happy for the two of them."

 

Get over them by going NC.

[doyouloveme]

i wish i could stop thinking about her. but i don't think i can truly move forward until i meet another girl that i really like.

[yellowknight]

i know what u mean, but i think it's gonna be hard to find a girl you like if you can't stop thinking about HER. it's gonna take time, but I'm pretty sure the best thing for us to do is just go out there and meet new people -- not just for the sake of meeting and starting a relationship with another girl, but at least to remind ourselves that there are plenty of other fine ladies worthy of our attention ... and actually wanting it!

 

we just have to force ourselves to reframe our perspective even against our own wishes at times.

[surfjon]

You must accept this. This is the way it goes.

 

When I found out my wife (now ex) of 20 years had a B/F after we were split about 5 months, it really made it easier to move on from her.

 

Once you've been split a while, it's natural. Nobody is just sitting around waiting for the reconciliation!! We all move on.......

 

Why do people feel it necessary to be "friends" with an ex unless there are kids involved??

 

It makes for jealousy and mixed signals is all.

[jenna981]

Someone posted this in another post:

 

link removed

 

A lot of it is true, even when you feel you can be friends tiny things will come up that will hit you hard. I think you would have had to move on and be with someone else as well before considering being friends with your ex. It will probably hit her to see you with someone else, but maybe put some closure where yous can be friends.

[doyouloveme]

i guess that message makes a lot of sense. maybe i shouldn't have agreed to being friends. but what now then? do i just go into NC? i mean i still genuinely want a friendship between us to work out? or will my feelings for her make that impossible?

[islandj]

i guess that message makes a lot of sense. maybe i shouldn't have agreed to being friends. but what now then? do i just go into NC? i mean i still genuinely want a friendship between us to work out? or will my feelings for her make that impossible?

maybe at a later time, when u no longer have the need to be friends, then thats when ull know ure ready..

 

why settle for the friend "demotion", when u want and CAN have so much more?

[doyouloveme]

i mean i feel like my case is a typical one here at ENA. but i've always been confused at why it's better to settle for nothing than settling for something less than a relationship. i mean, i can see why it's the case if i want her back. but is it never the case where it's better to be just friends before both of us are in new relationships?