Tell him or not?!?!?!

[take_the_reins]

right i need some serious help!!! well... here goes... ive been with my boyfriend for quite a long time now ... and the other day i was at a party and a guy walked in ... i didnt reconise him at first, then he walked up to me.... an i realised that it was this guy who ive had a crush on for 2 an a half years... so i was like "hey havent seen u in a while" which is true ! so we sat down an had a drink an started talking.... a bit later he tryed kissing me ... an i pushed him away cause i have a boyfriend an i didnt want to cheat on him cause i love him sooo much! anyways as the night went on i had a LOT to drink an ended up kissing him.... a lot ... i woke up in the morning an realised what id done .... i do regret it ....! but the thing is if i tell my boyfriend i know it will break his heart... and mine .... but if i dont tell him.. its like im a bad girlfriend i know ill never do it again.... i feel soo guilty ... but what should i do tell him or not?

[Beec]

Don't tell him. You did what you did. It was wrong. Accept that and the guilt it comes with, and don't do it again. If your bf asks a question, don't lie about it, but until then keep your mouth shut. Confessing is a way to ease the guilt, you should avoid that for now. It's your guilt, deal with it, don't try to confess and get it off of you.

[White Rider]

tell him, couse if he find out later it will be a biger disaster

no offence ur a cheater and u did a really big mistake, u should tell him , couse his love is a waste on you, ur selfish if you dont tell him, u did the mistake its time to pay for it, and sooner or later u will, so the sooner the beter, ur guilty as charge, and i hate it when women do that, ur not strong enough to hold up a serious realtion dont get into it from the beginning, the fact u kissed someone else, drunk or not, u did, and if u loved ur boyfriend enough you wont talk to that guy, and you would have left the minute he tried to kiss you, but the fact that you staied and got drunk!!!

tell him

[akatoro]

Hey there.

 

Sorry that what happened happened, you coming here proves the fact that you are sorry and in need of some input. I am prolly not the best person to give you consolation in this case.. But let's pretend that I am the thoughts of your boyfriends if he knew what had happened. I feel I should also warn you that this note might come off as harsh and perhaps even rude. I don't think that you are a mean person because mistakes are easily made - But almost every mistake can be repaired. So what I am going to do is to bring out a worst case scenario.

 

I don't think I need to tell you that what you did was wrong. And to be honest, I regard it as a minor, but still intolerable, form of cheating. It goes to show that you cannot retain your sense of dignity whilst you're drinking. Do you think that you would have been able to stop yourself from sleeping with him, had the issue arised? You said you refused to kiss him while you were sober, but then alcohol threw that away and you disregarded it completely.

- He would have a hard time letting you go out without him in the future because he knows that eventhough you say you love him before you leave, it's not certain that you give him any thought later on that night.

 

To tell the truth - you might've noticed already - I regard cheating, in all its forms, to be the worst breach of trust imaginable in a relationship. But if I had reeled, I would've made doubly sure to repair what had happened because as someone said earlier, he might learn about it from someone else and then it would scar even deeper. Perhaps if you'd tell him right away and explain what happened, how you feel and how sad you really are in your heart; he'll forgive you. Or would you rather kiss him and look into his eyes knowing that you are lying to him when you tell him that he is the only one for you?

 

Now a lot of people might react to my strong response. It was after all only kisses..?

- Well, what is a kiss but a sign of affection between two people attracted to one another? It is a tool to form emotional bonds between the lovers or am I just being overly romantic/silly/lame/objective/robotic? However, that is what I feel, you might not feel the same way, but that is why I would try to repair the damage that I've caused as quick as possible.

 

Good luck. I really wish you the best of it.

Sadly pain is the best teacher in life, but the experience given is invaluable.

[Princess777]

I agree with White Rider, you need to tell him that you did something that you regret and know was wrong. If you went all the way with this guy, you need to tell him that too. Don't lie to cover up another lie.....Try to look at it from your b/f shoes.... wouldn't you want him to tell YOU if he did what you did, with another girl? And if he didn't and you found out later, wouldn't you think he was a jerk? Save face now and get it out in the open.... it obviously shows you that maybe your b/f is not right for you or maybe you're not ready to settle down. You should have left immediately when the guy tried kissing you, or at least told him to back off and avoided him for the rest of the night.... then you'd have the upper hand when you told your b/f because you kept control of the situation after he tried hitting on you. Your b/f would have been proud to have heard that... but unfortunately you made a mistake, congratulations we're all human.... so don't do it again.... be honest with him and express to him that you are sorry, and that you two definitely need to discuss your relationship and where it will go from here. Good luck......

[enadevoli]

I agree with Princess777, you need to tell him. There are so many ways your bf could find out otherwise. You were at a party, which means there were other people there, which means other people might have seen it, or heard about it. Also, the guy you kissed might do some thing like tell your bf about what happened. Maybe he likes you too, or wants you to break up, or just wants to make your bf jealous. Some guys are like that, they find girls that have bfs to be a competition. You need to be the one that your bf hears about what happened from. LIke Princess777 said, put yourself in his shoes. If he did what you did, would you rather hear about it from him, or from someone else? Also, would you rather he tell you or not & how soon would you like him to have told you?? Your answers are probably no different from what your bfs answers would be. Just come clean with him before its too late. Maybe it already is too late, but thats just the consequences you have to take for what you did. You know you are guilty, you can't deny that, so just be honest about it. It will be hard, but just do it.

[take_the_reins]

hey i know what i did was wrong but dont u guys think you've been a little hard on me .... i came here for advice not a bunch of people telling me that im a bad person an a bad girlfriend .... mabye i am... but u guys are in no postision to say! you dont even know me .. u dont know ALL of what happened that night ..... i dont think i'll be able to bring myself to tell him!... seeing him upset will break me! and i know exactly how he will react !...... there is no way i can tell him gently ... !... an white rider .. his love is a waste on me is it !... you dont even know me! ... so next time u all decide to post to a topic like this ... then think about how what you say is going to make the other person feel! ok!

 

[enadevoli]

im sorry if what i said hurt you in any way. im just being honest with my opinion in the fact that i think you should tell him. my reasons are what i said before. its really up to you on what you do. no one can tell you what to do, we are only giving our advice. i will admit, what has been said by others has been a little on the disrespectful side, & i hope that you didn't get that from my post before, or now. well, i know that you are having a hard time because of what his reaction might be, but really, just think about it from his point of view. you know what you did was wrong. whether you tell him ot not is really up to you & just think about what we have said.

[EmptySoul]

Wow! If you read my most recent post, it's a lot like that! Me and a guy i've had a crush on kissed on new years eve when i was drunk. i was going to tell my boyfriend and was building up my courage, when he caught me off guard and asked me about it. my automatic reaction was to say "NO! nothing happened" and i did, like 4 times... later he asked me again, and i could tell he didnt believe me now and i told the truth. he broke up with me because i lied he said if i hadnt lied we would still be together.

So, my advice is, tell your boyfriend the truth. definitly remind him that you love him a lot during this time. it would make things worse if word got to him before you got to tell him.

 

(p.s. i think my post about my new years eve would be a good thing for you to read )

 

EmptySoul

[Jordan42]

Tell him and be completely honest. I have found out the hard way that it is always better to tell than to not tell.