limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Hi all I had been involved with someone for about a month. I jumped in too quickly despite warnings from people around me. I'd been single for a year and a half previously plus I guess I got carried away that an older guy was paying me attention (8yr age gap) Well the second time we slept together we had abit of an accident and I needed a morning after pill which I found rather scary as I hadnt been in the situation before. Im a worrier by nature so something like this has made me almost unable to function properly, plus I keep blaming myself for not waiting till my period to slap my patch on...](*,) At the time he was very comforting...even after I had broken down over it all. Then he stoped returning my messages and Ive got one today saying that we should call it off as he hasnt got time for anyone right now On a positive note...I got my period on time so im feeling slightly less panicked. I can see the bigger picture and realise that basically he is a creep who isnt worth losing sleep over. I just feel at my age this is a ridiculous situation...Im going to do a preg test in a few weeks to make sure the worst hasnt happened. BTW mums are usually right about everything lol... Link to comment
karvala Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Wow, that's like the very definition of classless. Anyone who dumps you in such circumstances isn't worth your time. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Yeah I would say that was pretty low of him, but then on a brighter note atleast you aren't pregnant from him, and found out then he was a not so nice person. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 It is quite possible it had absolutely nothing to do with the pregnancy scare. Remember, you have only been seeing him for a month. Were you actually exclusive or was he dating others. Were you actually boyfriend and girlfriend officially or were you just two people dating and having sex. If you were just two people casually dating and having sex with no commitment, it is entirely possible that it wasn't working for him anyway and the pregnancy thing had nothing to do with it. I wouldn't automatically assume it was the pregnancy scare. Not at only one month of dating where you barely know each other and don't know if you are even interested in a long-term relationship. Link to comment
bellanicola003 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Life is an amazing thing isn't it? I mean, you're single for that long and then all of the sudden BAM, you get into a situation and you're stuck in it and don't know what to do! It's ok though, we've all made bad choices and thank goodness you are not pregnant with his baby! It may have scared him as much as it scared you!!! Everything happens for a reason...thank God you saw the light now! Link to comment
limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 I certainly hope not....my period came on about an hour before he did the deed so if im edgy now, god knows how'd feel if it had been the other way round I slept with him too quickly... which I think allowed me to make it feel the relationship was more than what it was. Although considering my ex of 1yr finished things over msn I didnt really see what difference it would make ( hence why i wanted to be single so long!) All I can say is he seems very genuiue but I guess they all do when they want one thing. It does hurt thought because it was the first time I felt ready to start over. Link to comment
limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 We were dating but it was exclusive. Yes its quite possible he had other reasons but I dont think its likely considering we talked almost every day (often initiated by him) and generally got the impresssion he saw potential as he kept suggesting plans and seemed interested in all areas of my life. I do consider though that perhaps he had second thoughts over the age gap, which was probably magnified by my reaction in this kind of situation...(tho i felt justified in being afraid) Im often told im wise beyond my years but somehow my actions dont live up to my words lol Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 At the time he was very comforting...even after I had broken down over it all. Then he stoped returning my messages and Ive got one today saying that we should call it off as he hasnt got time for anyone right now On a positive note...I got my period on time so im feeling slightly less panicked. I can see the bigger picture and realise that basically he is a creep who isnt worth losing sleep over. He's a creep? At least he was being comforting to you while it was happening. Maybe it also scared him and he realized he didn't want to take another possible chance of fathering your child, thus he ended the relationship cause he didn't see you in his future. Link to comment
limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Fair comment. Maybe he was afraid..perhaps hes not a creep but its still hard not to feel bitter that he gets to just walk away. Guess thats life though right Link to comment
Kahdeksan Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I don't mean to sound harsh, but there are no real set of rules to be breaking when we're having a fling, right? It's the chances we take when we go off with someone we barely know... and jump at it, you took the chance and now you're wiser about it. I guess you could say that this happened for a reason, the good thing is you weren't really burnt or pregnant with his seedling. Eeew. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 if you don't mind my asking, how old are you two? sometimes the age gap may make a difference, sometimes not. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Fair comment. Maybe he was afraid..perhaps hes not a creep but its still hard not to feel bitter that he gets to just walk away. Guess thats life though right Women like to believe that they have come a long way with the sexual revolution...women are eager to bang every guy they meet, forgetting about the fact that no matter how much they feel they can go out and act sexually liberated like their male counterparts, there are still potential consequences that are their burden to bear...pregnancy and the still very much alive and well double standard. Those are the facts, and unfair as it is, that's not going to change any time soon. Being bitter won't change anything. Many men, in order to get under a woman's skirt, will turn on the charm and be very attentive in the first month or so. Your relationship was very new...you may have been exclusive, but really, a month is not all that long. It is perfectly acceptable for him to decide that you two don't fit...sex and pregnancy have nothing to do with it. Perhaps had this pregnancy scare happened after 8 months together he would be around because it is you that he really cares about. One month is not long enough to really know. Link to comment
Maclauren Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I believe after a month if he leaves because of a pregnancy scare then his lose and lesson learned. And yes you are so right. Mums and Dads are right about everything. It never makes any sense but the wisdom and protection they give us in our early years is for good cause. Boy oh boy do I ever wish I had listened to my parents when I was a teen. But I knew everything and had all the answers heh heh heh. Maybe I wouldn't of been in half the shenanegans I was into if my parents only kept a closer eye on me. Those were the days man. Boy was I an idiot! Link to comment
bellanicola003 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I'm just a bit concerned here about some posts that that I'm reading on this topic...there was someone who was hurt by what happened so she came here for some help. She stayed single in order to not feel any pain and regardless of any bad decisions, etc, she got burned (No offense hun!) She wanted to gain some insight so she trusted to come here and get some of it! I think she's well aware that sleeping with him so soon was not smart, but she's entitled to her own opinion on what she thinks happened right? Let us all keep in mind that we are here for a reason, to help someone else, not bash them due to some bad decision they may make. She got hurt and she came here for help and guidance. Sometimes many of us are not as perfect as others...I guess that's just part of some of us being human and others being deities. Let's just all remember we're here to help before we post further. Good Luck in this situation hun...I'm sure you're going to find the right one one day! My prayers are with you! Link to comment
limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 ghostgirl: Im 22 hes 30 Crazyabout dogs: Although I can relate to most of your post...Im not someone who 'bangs every guy she meets' He was my 3rd sexual partner, but I acknowledge my lapse of judgement of course and you're right in saying that as this stage he wasnt under certain obligations. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Sorry, I did not mean to offend and I did not mean that the OP goes out and bangs everyone. This thread is just one of so many I have read on this forum with the same kind of theme, same kind of notions, same kind of problem..that is why I wrote what I wrote...because there is a general trend of women to believe that they have all the freedoms like men to throw caution to the wind when it comes to sex and then reality eventually hits them that biology and emotional makeup puts women on a completely different playing field than men. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 hey honey, i hope you're feeling better today. i think, considering the circumstances, the guy could have atleast told you to your face, or if circumstances could not permit that, told you in person on the phone, and NOT in a message. sounds rather cowardly, and i don't think it matters that you were only seeing him for a month! at his age, he should have some level of maturity that he would do that. well, i know you likely hear this a lot, but its because its true... you are young, and you still have so many lovely things ahead for you. he is the one who loses. xo gg Link to comment
limelight Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 No worries crazy about dogs... I was feeling abit cheap about my behaviour anyway...but it had been a while lol. Im feeling fine today. I was just so afraid of being pregnant. I dont think there is much chance of it now (bit paranoid still but i guess thats normal). Yeah I was surprised in him for not at least picking up the phone to talk...but ive never been broken up with in person or the phone so im kinda used to it lol Hmm perhaps I ought to figure out why that is...its not as if I have any violent tendincies haha Link to comment
limelight Posted August 2, 2008 Author Share Posted August 2, 2008 Ok I messed up...I text him today ](*,) At first I wrote this out just to make me feel better and collect my thoughts...then i hit send 'I think I may have been abit unreasonable last week. I shouldnt have had any expectations only after a few weeks of dating. I'd had a huge fight with a friend shortly before I got your message so thats why I reacted the way I did. I guess we just rushed into it and I ended up seeing it for more than what is was. I still think though that it would have been more considerate of you to have talked to me rather than sending a text. Nothing to worry about tthough, everythings fine.' Oh....dear gotta laugh I guess Link to comment
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