exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Basically, I've been having a really hard time. She left, I got laid off, my mother's cancer has returned, and my dog got run over by a truck. poor me, huh? Anyway, she had heard about what happened and contacted me to say she was so sorry and how she missed our friendship. She is dating someone and says its the best relationship shes been in only after a week. I laughed at her and told her she needs to be alone. It felt weird because we hadnt spoken in three weeks. She says that she wishes she could send me random stuff on the net and just talk, but I said that Im still hurt and going through a lot. She even told me I needed to get out and date other girls. I laughed at that and said even if i wanted to, I have ZERO sex drive right now. So I told her that she could email me stuff but dont expect me to respond like everything is ok. We spoke about why we were wrong for each other. Lots of things are against our relationship working. I think shes confused about what she really wants, but Im left to deal with all the pain and shes happy. It's been over a month and Im a lot better than i was. 30 lbs lighter too. I dont think im ready for friendship with her. She says she misses the friendship, but nothing else (i dont believe that) i just dont know what to do. any advice? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 She is dating someone and says its the best relationship shes been in only after a week. I laughed at her and told her she needs to be alone. It's been over a month and Im a lot better than i was. 30 lbs lighter too. I dont think im ready for friendship with her. She says she misses the friendship, but nothing else (i dont believe that) i just dont know what to do. any advice? She sounds like an insensitive b.....!!! I can't believe she told you that! I would have ablsolutely no desire to be with friends her, with friends like that who needs enemies. Sorry about all the bad events, I'm sharing a similar year-worst of my life-and can relate. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Basically, I've been having a really hard time. She left, I got laid off, my mother's cancer has returned, and my dog got run over by a truck. poor me, huh? Anyway, she had heard about what happened and contacted me to say she was so sorry and how she missed our friendship. She is dating someone and says its the best relationship shes been in only after a week. I laughed at her and told her she needs to be alone. Wow! Talk about inappropriate! Your doing the right thing by taking time to be alone. Don't rush yourself and don't pay any more attention to her. Cut her out of your life and find someone who will always be there for you. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I know the relationship wont last. She is really confused about what she wants. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I know the relationship wont last. She is really confused about what she wants. No, you're probably right, but try not to worry about what she needs and what she wants -- just worry about yourself and what you need to do to feel better. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 its tough. I do still love her. But yeah, lots of things now are coming out that just show me she really doesnt care about my feelings. She even said the new guys feelings are much more important to her right now. Link to comment
isilv3r Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 You are still in recovery mode and it's because of her. You need to cut her out of your life until you feel better about yourself and are more confident that her presense will not set you back. It's all about you right now and the healing process. You will never heal if she continues to try and be a part of your life. However, tell her to leave you alone...even if you don't mean it because while she's off being happy, you're sad and angry...pick yourself up and tell yourself that you are better than that and she doesn't deserve your pain. You can get through this just be strong! Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I know thats what I should be doing. It just made me feel so much better to hear from her. grrrrr hate this Link to comment
John Bendix Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 N/C for you, not to see if she responds. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 My ex gave me the same thing about her missing me as a "friend" after an 8-year relationship -- needless to say I didn't believe it at first and tried to be her friend for a couple of weeks after we broke up. BIG mistake! I eventually woke up and realized I have a life to live and she's choosing to live hers without me – it’s her choice and it’s her loss. Will she come back? I don't know. IF she comes back, would I take her back? NO! Months ago I would have said Yes, Please! But not now. I've learned too much about myself, I know how I want to be treated and she doesn't measure up. Despite this, I still do get sad sometimes because she was a huge part of my life growing up -- she was my best friend. I guess a part of me will always miss her and I will always love her to a degree, but from a distance. Time and distance my friend. Don't torture yourself by staying in her life as a runner up -- decide your better then her consolation prize -- and begin to move on. I never thought I would feel better, but I do. And you will too. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I am feeling better every day, but i think whats bothering me more is how you have to start all over again. trying to meet someone, etc... I just run every day and play guitar Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 but i think whats bothering me more is how you have to start all over again. trying to meet someone, etc Yea, I felt the same way. All that means is you're not ready to date. Those feelings will go away when you are ready and you meet someone you're interested in. My ex was my only girlfriend from High School through college and after. I know some people say that dating sucks, but I feel just the opposite -- it's a blast. Take it day by day -- start a journal -- and you'll start to see how much progress your making. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 started a journal on the first day of all this. And I really hate dating. I guess Im picky about women. Most of them kinda annoy me Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Sometimes it's a good thing to be more selective. Just take your time -- don't rush the grieving process because that's what it is...a process. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I just want the grieving process to be over Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Yea, I know exactly how you feel, but going through the whole ‘processes really opened my eyes, because for so long I had only thought about her, not about my wants and needs. I'm finally able to think about myself and what I want without worrying about her getting upset (she was kind of a brat) and it's wonderful. I know this is a cliché, but getting through this whole ordeal (and everything else you’re dealing with) will ultimately make you a better, stronger individual, who will be able to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I just cant believe how insensitive and cold she became in a week. Shes like a totally different person now Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Another reason to keep her out of you life. Forever!!!!! Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 yeah, im thinking that more and more. I need to find me a nice girl eventually. Link to comment
exploding head Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 I have not talked to her at all. Today I got the simple text "happy birthday" and nothing more. Didnt respond. pissed off Link to comment
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