how do i get over him

[Caterina]

I have been in NC with my ex for about a month and a half. I thought it would get better, and it has, but it still hurts...is there a way to move the process faster? Its like: it dawns on me that the relationship is dead to him. THere is me: who still struggles with hope. He doesn't care, though: and dealing with that thought is sort of hard. Its the death of everything. I had one laspe where I talked to him...it was briefly texting him on a Saturday. Last night, I was out clubbing with a friend and I just kept thinking, "I'd have fun if he was here," and I kept thinking about how every man there probably just wants to find someone to lay...and how it seems impossible to find a good man to start a real relationship with.

 

I really afraid he's got a new girlfriend.

 

 

I think one of the hardest parts of it is seeing him on AIM. I try to delete his name, but I know he's there. I think he does it to torture me, but I could be wrong.

 

 

 

 

I don't really know how to move on faster: any suggestions? Will I move on? Or is moving on an illusion?

[Ac143]

Moving on is not an illusion, it really does take time. Sometimes lots of time, I was with my ex for 2yrs and it look me a very long time to move on, probably around 6 months is when I felt like myself again. Meaning I did not care if he was sleeping with someone else or anything.

 

Its hard but you have to keep yourself busy and just focus on yourself. Forget about him, believe me you WILL find someone that will love you the way you deserve. If my ex and I never broke up I wouldnt have found the loving wonderful man I am with now. Just think of it that way.....you are one step closer to finding "the one"

 

Good luck and keep your head up

[riley123]

Caterina,

 

I’m dealing/struggling with the same thing right now – trying to speed up the process of moving on. Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula anyone can offer other than time and space.

 

I was with my ex for 8 years and its been about 6 months since we broke up, and only recently has it gotten easier to have a string of a few good days before the inevitable bad day. It happens to everyone.

 

It’s tough and painful, but you’re heart and you’re mind both need to agree that the relationship as it existed is over. Once you can completely accept that (meaning you’re not secretly harboring hope or entertaining the idea of getting back together) then you’ll be able to move on.

 

I’ve recently met someone who I genuinely like, and just a few months ago I never would have thought that would be possible. I thought my ex was it for me, but she’s not, there are others out there. Hang in there, you will get through this.

 

Much better days are ahead!

 

This part of 'Gone Away from Me' by Ray Lamontagne really helped me through some dark times:

 

It’s a sad song, but its very moving and very true because life is long.

 

Yesterday is gone

Yesterday is dead

Get it through your head and walk away

Yesterday is gone

Ain't no use hanging on to her memory

It only causes you pain

[coyote1980]

I totally agree with Ac143 there. It takes time. For me, the first week is hell. No matter where you are/what you are doing, you think about him and what went wrong. I understand how painful it is for you.

 

Do everything else but call/text/msg him. Just don't contact. It will just move the process slower and more painful in my opinion.

 

I always do this the first week...

*Think about things you hate about him.

*Go for a long walk(working out sometimes helps clearing your thoughts)

*Flirt. yeah sounds not right, but I'm sure you wanna do whatever it takes to numb your pain get out and meet new people or find some new guy(s) to chat with.

*Read "he is just not that into you" I'm not saying he isn't. It's truly a great book to read if you are going through breakup.

[Panda2008]

What helped me was looking at the long game... I wanted everything to happen NOW but the fact is, things take longer to work themselves out than we'd often like.

 

Recently I have been contacted by TWO exes - I would have chewed my right arm off in the months after the split to have either of them call and ask me out - now, I might go for a drink and have a laugh, but I'm not interested in having a relationship with them. Funny how that works.

 

Conversely, a friend of mine had a relationship with someone ten years ago... and they have recently got back together. So all is not lost if your ex is the right one for you. Unfortunately only time will tell.

 

There are no rules to getting over people but try not to pick over the situation like you are doing - start doing things for you that make you feel better about yourself: if he's going out having fun, why don't you? Fake it til you make it, that's what they say...

[mca1975]

Keep in NC and you will feel better. I bumped into the guy I was dating and trying to pull away from because he would not commit last week. It set me back loads, and I felt upset all over again, but a week later, im feeling better already (tho I still have some times when I miss him)

 

You cant speed up the process, but I do know the thing that will set you back is contact with them and will make it slower.

[Lynn07]

I can completely relate. It has been 3 months since our break up, and 10 weeks of NC. I really wish I was doing better than I am. Today was terrible...I fell apart and started crying numerous times. It's just so hard when there was no good reason for the break-up, and when you loved someone with all your heart for 4 1/2 years and then all of a sudden you are supposed to be able to stop loving them. i don't know how i'm going to do this. i'm trying so hard to do everything people say helps...keep busy, do stuff i like, blah blah blah.

today has been hard, and the pain hurts so deep.

[arcadefire]

First, get rid of his name on AIM. No point in cyber snooping. Does you absolutely no good to see him move on quicker than you!

 

I was in your same shoes not too long ago. Two months after the break up, my ex found someone else. The news hurt (found out through facebook minifeed), and I decided to just block him on fb and out of my life.

 

There comes a point where you just let it go and accept the relationship where it stands. It took some time for me but it wasn't an immediate process. Go out, have fun with your friends, talk, and most of all think optimistically.

[Caterina]

First, get rid of his name on AIM. No point in cyber snooping. Does you absolutely no good to see him move on quicker than you!

 

I was in your same shoes not too long ago. Two months after the break up, my ex found someone else. The news hurt (found out through facebook minifeed), and I decided to just block him on fb and out of my life.

 

There comes a point where you just let it go and accept the relationship where it stands. It took some time for me but it wasn't an immediate process. Go out, have fun with your friends, talk, and most of all think optimistically.

 

The hardest thing for me is AIM. Its a habit to get on it. When I get on it, I am curious about what he's doing...I've blocked him and unblocked him a few times.

[Caterina]

Just wanted to say that I've NC'ed him for about a week and its infinitely better than it was before. I think that part of it was that I had talked to him that Sat....I've since taken him off of AIM. Really, the out of sight, out of mind concept is VERY effective if you stick with him.