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My best friends girlfriend is jealous of me


marybrunick
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I am a 34 year old woman who's best friend (a man) has a girlfriend that has issues with me. I have been friends with this man for 20 years, and she has dated him for a year, but still feels insecure. The kicker here is that I actually was the one that set them up and I have boyfriend as well. My friend and I often talk, but see each other probably once a week at the most, even though he lives down the street from me. She has become so insecure about the situation, contrary to his reassuring her, as well as myself. She is spiteful and hateful toward him regarding my friendship, blowing things out of proportion, and rude to me as well. I have been her friend long before I introduced the two of them. She has treated me terribly and I am afraid I can no longer consider her a friend, since she doesn't trust me. I am however concerned about my best friend. I am his closest and pretty much only friend...so I am afraid she will isolate him. I feel like calling her and telling her to pull her head out (so to speak)....what should I do.

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That's too bad. Her insecurities can ruin everything. The sad part is that, his girlfriend should always come before his friends. Sorry, but that's how is has to be. He should still be open to hanging out or talking to you. But if his girlfriend is upset with that, he'll need to balance this out.

 

He may have to continueously re-assure her that there's nothing going on with you and him. He may have to do that for a long time until she "gets it".

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Have you had a heart to heart talk with your female friend about this? Have you explained to her, gently and in a friendly way that there is not, was not, and is unlikely ever to be anything between you and your male friend? Friendships are never worth loosing. Don't give up on her just because she has issues. More than anything, it sounds like she might need some kind of compassion or support to help deal with her insecurities.

 

Perhaps she mistrusts him for some reason. If you are able to convince her that you are not an issue, perhaps she will find she's able to open up to you about what is bothering her. Perhaps it's a general situation she's concerned with, in which case she might like another female to talk with about it. If she suspects he's got another woman on the side, once she fully understands it's not you, you'll get along better again.

 

One thing I would advise, try not to let it be known you talk to your male friend specifically in the absense of her. Maybe try meeting both of them together, even though he's the one you're really intending to talk to. Even if there are no romantic interests between the two of you, she may simply be jealous you have a strong rapport. Allowing her to be part of that rapport should help. If things improve, and her security increases, then maybe you can go back to seeing just him on occasion for a coffee or similar.

 

One final thing, if you do value her friendship, and do want the two of them to be happy, consider making a gesture to let her know you approve of either her as a person, or them as a couple. You could send either her, or both of them a small gift showing your friendship.

 

So yeah, help her get her head out of her rear, but do it gently and compassionately, and keep them both as friends.

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