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its been 2 weeks no contact, what is going to happen?

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it has been two weeks now of no contact. all of this came over the course of the holidays....i was so relieved just to make it through christmas and be back at work on monday, moving on with my life. i know the old saying, "set it free, if it comes back its real, if it doesnt it never was". i dated this girl for 8 months. it was long distance but the time we were together was great. we never fought (i am not a jealous person), we got along, laughed, were romantic, had great sex, were "best friends" i guess you could say. i took a 3 hour train ride 3 times a month to see her, hoping this would make the relationship "work" (in hindsight it may have made me appear to be a little desperate). my family and many of my close friends live in her city. i had planned on moving back eventually, and started looking for a job there recently for three reasons: 1) if the rship was ever going to work i'd need to be there 2) sometimes it takes years to find the right opportunity b/c the market in this city is limited 3) i was getting sick of my current location anyway and missed her and my family . As all of these things came to light, this seemed to be the beginning of the end. out of nowhere one day she told me she was feeling overwhelmed. i gave her space the week of thxgiving, then ended up seeing her that saturday night and sunday and we had a great time. things were seemingly back to normal. we continued to talk for hours on the phone. then i came to see her two weeks after that and things were different. she was distant, and i didnt feel comfortable b/c i knew something didnt feel right. i left that sunday night and we barely talked taht week. i sensed it was time to break up b/c i thought that was what she wanted. she never called, i had to call her and initiate it, and she agreed. she provided no explanation, just said "she doesnt know what she's feeling". she also said "timing is everythingi guess" and "dont wait around for me". she also mentioned at one point that it "sucks i'm feeling this way b/c every other rship i've been has been unhealthy/annoying, this one has been special". she called me xmas day and gave a half a$$ed "merry christmas" i believe out of guilt. i didnt call back. and i havent spoken to her since that night 2 weeks ago. i know that when a person wants to break up, they know they are giving up all those special memories together, the love, friendship, etc. they know this. Its hard when you are the one who still yearns and cherishes those things and it is apparent the other party does not. i am doing my best to move on but in the back of my mind i still hope the girl comes back. i almost find myself in denial at times. i am a confident person, i have a lot going for me, i dont have issues with esteem. the fact of the matter is i have just been blindsided by this person. i know there is no said statistic, but looking at this little bit of background, what do you think went wrong? i dont think she met another guy before we broke up, i thnk i would have heard about it by now (not a big town and i know a lot of people). do you think there is hope here? how long till you really just move on for good? i think she is making a mistake

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The "I need some space" and "don't wait for me" were used for me. Do not feel bad at all right now. I recently separated with my girfirend on Oct 22 and kept minimal friendly chatter off and on during the past months. I didn't do the "no contact" things because she left the door open for a rebirth. So, as Christmas approached, I did get a gift for her and drove 2 hours down there to see her and only was there for 4 hours. She gave me this lame excuse of needing to go to her mom's for leftover Xmas dinner. This was bullcrap. She didn't look me in the eye the whole time. You see, I am a nice guy, a sucker, who tries to see good in all people, but at this time, I was being played a fool. From Friday til last night, I was miserable knowing there was someone else in the picture and I got my wish, she emailed me and told me there was. It was the biggest relief, but she was a basketcase, she had major issues with esteem, I mean there was good romance and sex, but that's not all that's needed for a good relationship. Th email she sent me was quite hostile, so I recoursed and sent her an email that will probably cause her to cry and not want to come out of her house for a few days. I am tired of the bullcrap. The purpose of this email is for me to tell you, you need to move on and get closure, listen to your instincts, it hurts, and you are not going to want to believe them, but with friends and a support team like this website, it makes moving on alot easier. Go with your gut instincts, I have yet in my young 30 year life to see proven wrong. A close confidante told me yesterday that when I least expect I will see the woman of my dreams walk through the doors in my life. I fell in love with this freakster of a woman because I was looking for her and thought it was the right thing to do, she is only 25 and i was her 24th sex partner. Go figure

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i am not saying that i dont see the ugliness in this girl and the whole situation. it is definitely ugly. she has done some horrible things and changed her mind almost instantaneously. she is young, 24 years old,

not the same pedigree as the girl you were just with that slept with 25 guys. i know most of the people she has slept with. there very well may be another guy htough, i am aware of this. but i do hold hope that she she has some time to reflect and ends up missing me, whether it be with through time or dating other people or both. her best friend was just going through the same thing, and i know my gf was giving advice and it may have got her thinking. the best friend and her bf reunited and she claims "it was the best thing i ever did b/c i realized i missed him so much more after i was by myself and experienced other boys". i dont know, the situation is still different, but the facts are the facts. i am just having trouble letting go from time to time. i would love to just get an honest response out of her but i will not dare call. i have a feeling its going to take a few months if it ever would work out b/c i ended up getting that job in her city and its a job i really want. in order to convince her i really did not move there for her i need to kind of shut her out of my life...unfortunate but true. she will assume it was for her no matter what i say based on our past until i have moved on completely. i guess the only way for there to be any chance is to have completely moved on, and in that case i may not want it anyway. but this girl, in my mind, was special[/i]

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I wasn't trying to say that your girl and my girl were the same, because I used to think your thoughts about mine, but she became transparent and started to show her true colors. I know mine will miss me, because I move on with the knowledge that I was the best for her. I sincerely hope yours comes back, I don't want mine back, she told me "the whole I need space thing" and "it's not you, it's me" thing and actually said she didn't want to date for 2 years!!!. Now, here she is meeting folks, I knew she wouldn't be lonely during the holidays. She just has that type of personality, of neediness, and very low self esteem. I am not here to say that I am perfect, because evereyone has faults, but she was truly a basketcase. You need to go with your instincts, if you think she is sleeping with someone or seeing someone, then it is probably true, this hurts, but it works. How is your girls esteem? Her self-image? Is it good? I could very easily call mine a slut, because I am that nice guy who tends to overlook faults of one. Am I a little angry? Yes, but mainly at my self for being a sucker. I love to date, but a ttimes like this, I wonder why, but I fell off the horse and now it's time to get up and get back on.

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again, every situation is unique, time will tell yada yada she'll come back if she loves me. lets say she doesnt . how long till you really felt better about yourself and stopped thinking about it? do you look at her now and kind of shake your head like "she's an idiot, i'm an idiot for being with her". ? would you ever take her back? i cant wait for the day that i stop thinking about this, i'm so sick of it already. i go up and down, and when i'm down, i am really really down. i am really worried about my reaction the next time i see her, particularly if she's with another guy.

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The good thing about my situation is she is 2 hours away, so unless i'm a freak and want to see her, which I don't, i would have to invest time and gas to go see her. I still have feelings for her and always will, but if people are going to play games and aren't ready and comfortable with themselves, then it's not going to work. You have to be on top here, you have to feel like your in control, your not control. Call her or email her and find out where you stand, that's what I did. Thr news wasn't good but at least I knew and the burden of worry was lifted from my shoulders.

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