ccali78 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 So I have not heard from him since yesterday. Sent one text today and have not heard back.... I am not going to text him may see him monday if he stops being an idiot why do the dumpers always seem to have the upperhand? Link to comment
jettison Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Because you care about what they're doing, what they're thinking, and whether or not they will continue to be part of their life MORE then they care about what you're doing, what you're thinking, and whether or not you will continue to be part of their life. That's the short answer. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Often. The dumpers have already distanced themselves and prepared themselves for the break up, taking months to weigh up the pros and cons and decide whats best, and if it is to end the relationship then they know its the best for them. Whereas for the dumpee its a complete shock, especiallly in your situation. With you, there is the hope he will take you back when hes completed his 12 steps and got his life on track. Theres also the fear hes keeping you hanging on or messing you about. You dont deserve to be messed around. Myself, im trying not to contact him and thinking if he cares he will contact me. Its the best way to go. If he loves you he will come to you and if its meant to be it's meant to be. Just keep busy, your a beautiful sucessful woman, if it doesnt work out with him im certain their will be men lining up round the block! Link to comment
Godwin Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Dont contact him, ignoring him is more likely to bring him back, if you want that. Its not the dumper that always wins, its the person that withholds contact that has the ball in there court. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 They only have the upperhand if you allow them to. Don't allow it. Tell him your busy Monday. Make him come to you. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 They don't always have the upperhand. They only have it if YOU allow them to. I'd stop contacting him period. No texts, no visits, phone calls...nothing. Stop. If you want him back that may be your only option. After 5 years, I think you should take this time to find yourself again. Stop worrying so much about him...worry about you. You are what is important. Link to comment
deang Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 yup NC until you are rock solid is always my advice...I'd love to contact my ex right now but I know I'm not going to get what I want out of that so I do things to improve myself...got counseling starting Tue to see why I keep doing the needy, clingy thing after starting out very strong and in control. Also, working out and getting a healthy body to go with my soon to be healthy mind. Soon they won't have the upper hand because you won't really care...you'll have robbed them of their security blanket(you) and even if you don't want it you will probably be in control if they ever come back. Link to comment
melrich Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I think you should try and drop the win/lose mentality. Relationships and broken relationships are not about that. Try and think more in terms of the relationship just didn't work, what can I learn from it, what positives can I get out of it? Hard I know when the break up is so recent. Link to comment
deang Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I think you should try and drop the win/lose mentality. Relationships and broken relationships are not about that. Try and think more in terms of the relationship just didn't work, what can I learn from it, what positives can I get out of it? Hard I know when the break up is so recent. I'd agree that it isn't winning or losing...it's learning and using that to build happier stronger relationships in the future. The old god gives you lemons and you make lemonade thing. Yeah it's corny and kinda sucks but I have always gotten at least a little stronger after each break up. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 That is all such great advice. I guess I am not the loser. Even sounds like I am the winner. He did text me tonight and I did not respond. I feel good for the moment and I am going to be the winner. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Well than I am going to be happy. My goal today and everyday Link to comment
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