Advice please.. ex has contacted me a couple times

[nicole1236]

I've been in NC for 2 weeks now... but during this time my ex has contacted me 3 times in different ways.

 

The first was a text message asking me if I'm still upset.. the second was a message to my myspace saying some random comment about one of my cousins and the third was a call a couple days ago. He left a voicemail saying "Hi, it's me.. just wanted to say hi, give me a call sometime or something okay." But it was said in this weird joking voice.

 

He knows why I went NC, He had been treating me like his girlfriend for awhile and just didn't want to commit, said it wasn't enough time since we broke up, things like that. So I told him we couldn't talk anymore.. which he told me to my face, "That wouldn't happen".

 

I haven't responded to any of his messages or anything.. I feel like he's de-valuing everything I went through and acting like it was all some little temper tantrum and we should just get over it and move on.

 

His mom sent me an email the day before he called me saying that he walked up to her and told her I wont talk to him anymore and it's making him really sad.. but the voicemail he left was the total opposite of that. We haven't talked in 2 weeks and he leaves me a message that would seem that everything was okay.

 

I've gotten opinions from a couple of people.. some say to continue to ignore and not say anything.. but a few have said to contact him and tell him that when he's ready to talk from his heart I'm ready to listen. I'm really torn on what to do. On one hand, I'm scared if I don't contact him at all he might just give up.. but what if this is what he needs to see I'm not joking and this will make him realize if he really wants me in his life?

 

Should I break NC and tell him that, or should I continue to ignore? ( I hate ignoring him. )

[DJC]

Easy-continue with NC, it sounds like he is starting to miss you now, and is probably realising his mistakes-stay strong and keep at it.

 

Plus by the sounds of it you haven't healed yourself yet, you should concentrate on how you are feeling and make yourself happy, not think how he is feeling - or his mum.

[nicole1236]

I just feel scared that maybe he's letting go or will just forget about me.

 

I mean, by his voicemail I wouldn't have ever known he was feeling a little sad.. if it wasn't for his mom.

 

He just seems so okay with all this. I dunno. NC is hard! But I'm proud I've made it 2 weeks so far. This is the longest we've ever not talked in 3 years.

[george237]

I just feel scared that maybe he's letting go or will just forget about me.

 

I mean, by his voicemail I wouldn't have ever known he was feeling a little sad.. if it wasn't for his mom.

 

He just seems so okay with all this. I dunno. NC is hard! But I'm proud I've made it 2 weeks so far. This is the longest we've ever not talked in 3 years.

 

If he loved you he wouldn't be able to let go after 2 weeks. I would hold out a little longer and then talk to him but not about your relationship. If he wants to meet up agree but pick a different day then he chooses. You have to make yourself seem unavailable.

[nicole1236]

So you think if he were to contact me it would be best to answer him? I know NC is a way to heal and move on, but to be honest I really do want to be with him and I'm just scared that by ignoring him for too long he will think I don't care anymore and move on. But, also on the other hand.. I really do want him to feel how life is without me.

 

It's just hard because of how he treated me when we saw each other. He would make references to me being his girlfriend and even told someone we were dating.. but when I confronted him, he just wasn't ready yet and he wants me to keep doing what I'm doing.

Basically, I just don't want to be a doormat. I want to have value in his eyes.. and don't you lose value if you just hand everything to them?

[nicole1236]

No you're right Izzy. I just can feel myself cracking sometimes! It's so hard to not text him or something.. and to top it all off he's going to be down in my town for a couple of days on tour.

 

Right after he called me on Sunday he wrote on his myspace, "If you only had one day to live.. what would you do and what are you waiting for?"

 

And now it says, "Aye, what are you gonna do?" Like he's given up or something. =/

 

I know it's just stupid myspace, and I probably shouldn't even worry about anything on there.. but he knows I can read his updates, and sometimes I wonder if he writes things to get a reaction out of me.

All I want to do is tell him that I love him, and all I want to do is see him when he comes down tomorrow.

Part of me feels like I messed up my chance with him because I did NC too soon and should have just seen him for awhile longer and see where it went.

[nicole1236]

Haha, break-ups do suck!

 

Part of me wishes he would do something while he's here.. and the other part hopes he doesn't if theres no meaning behind it.

 

I think this break up would have been so much easier if he hadn't said he loved me so many times, and made references of me being his girlfriend. I just don't know why he'd put so much of his time and effort into me if he wasn't wanting anything in the end.

 

It kind of makes me mad. I know he may be confused, but what gives him the right to hurt me because of his own confusion?

 

I just don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore. =/

[bramage]

If I were talk to my ex, I would sound like everything is rosey. We all know what being needy does for us. He is reaching out, and let him. Just make him chase, and stay NC. The feelings wont just stop after his third attempt!

 

If fact, the longer you go, the better chance you have for the communication you are looking for. "I want you back, and am willing to do anything to make that happen - I made a big mistake."

 

 

Im only on day 7, so it may be a long while before (or if) that call ever comes, but Im ok with it. Im out doing fun things, and have managed to get through life without her in the past, and was perfectly happy!

[joshparker]

Nicole1236 my ex also told me a couple days ago we couldnt talk agian or ever see each other ever agian, what does this actually mean from a girls point of view.

[nicole1236]

Nicole1236 my ex also told me a couple days ago we couldnt talk agian or ever see each other ever agian, what does this actually mean from a girls point of view.

 

It depends, did you dump her.. or are you the dumpee?

[joshparker]

i have been the dumper before but this time i was the dumpee

[nicole1236]

i have been the dumper before but this time i was the dumpee

 

Well, if you're the dumpee.. that sounds pretty harsh of her to say that. Can you tell me a little bit more about what happened and why she said that to you?

 

My boyfriend dumped me.. and was giving me confusing signals and not wanting to commit.. so thats why I told him we couldn't talk. BUT I would love to talk to him if he wants to work things out. I did it to protect my heart.

[joshparker]

Well, if you're the dumpee.. that sounds pretty harsh of her to say that. Can you tell me a little bit more about what happened and why she said that to you?

 

My boyfriend dumped me.. and was giving me confusing signals and not wanting to commit.. so thats why I told him we couldn't talk. BUT I would love to talk to him if he wants to work things out. I did it to protect my heart.

 

pretty much we had been on and off for a year i usually dumped her for reasons of her telling people she was single and so on, her friend told me that she said it would be best if me and her didnt talk anymore but i still contacted her and she replied and things were finally going right until she said she didnt want to get hurt like the past and it would be best if we never seen or talked to each other agian...