Ever thought 'is it me?' ?

[Humor_me]

Hey, new member here.

 

I've just really been in a rough spot as of late as I can't seem to get 'what i want' so to speak. I'm in my early 20s and for the life of me cannot find a girl worth dating. I can't help but think theres something wrong with my mindset/standards or I really am meeting the wrong women?

 

I don't have any major issues with women in terms of meeting them or doing stupid things like asking them out to drinks etc. I just CANNOT find a girl worth having a relationship with...I know this seems like every guy's dream but I'd like to think I'm a little better than just fooling around with different girls for the sake of doing so.

 

I'm starting to think that it has become my 'persona' to just attract these kinds of women and not the 'good types'. I just don't get it though.

 

I appreciate any sort of feedback/follow up questions that I can answer to clear up my situation.

 

Cheers!

[raffi_FL]

What standards do you have for women? Let's start there so you can give us a better idea of what you're looking for. Can you give any examples about why some women have not been right for you?

[PulsarSpin]

...go to church (if you do that). Or at least to a place where people hold the same values as you do.

[Humor_me]

Well my most prominent standards revolve around looks/overall attraction. So if a girl is confident/good looking 7.5+/10 she's usually someone I'd make a move on. I don't know if this is important but my parents live quite comfortably and I find a lot of 'good girls' seem to be intimidated by this and often judge based on the vehicle I drive or just little tidbits like my spending habits.

 

Well the most recent woman I went out for coffee with seemed like she wasn't all that respectful of my time/schedule and really just wanted a late night fling she could call upon whenever she pleased and basically flaunt me in front of her friends (almost like a "hey look I have a guy!" thing, which really killed things from the onset).

[Humor_me]

...go to church (if you do that). Or at least to a place where people hold the same values as you do.

 

What are you looking for? Where have you been going to meet them? What do you have to offer them (as a person)?

 

I'm not really religious to be honest. I just want a 'good girl' so to speak...someone loyal, trustworthy, and of course funny

 

Most of the women I meet are on university campus, coffee shops, a few girls I even randomly messaged on facebook.

 

What do you mean in terms of 'offering them'? I'd like to think I'm an entertaining/funny guy...as cocky/lame as it sounds it's pretty difficult to have a convo with me and not be entertained.

[raffi_FL]

What does your parents living comfortably have to do with your car and spending habits? Do they give you money? What about standards that don't deal with looks..

 

I can see what you mean with that woman you described, sounds like she just wanted a guy for the sake of having one.

[ghost69]

calm down man. you are picky like me.

[Humor_me]

What does your parents living comfortably have to do with your car and spending habits? Do they give you money? What about standards that don't deal with looks..

 

I can see what you mean with that woman you described, sounds like she just wanted a guy for the sake of having one.

 

well It's because of my parents that I'm able to spend like this. They cover my basic living necessities so with my money I'm able to spend comfortably, and I'm almost used to receiving condescending 'richboy' comments when I'm not even close to rich!

 

I drive a decent car because I'm an avid car enthusiast but obviously most women won't know this until they meet me so I can't help but think they might assume I'm a 'snob'.

 

Personality wise I'm very sarcastic and appreciate women with the same sense of sarcastic/dry humor. Honestly if I could meet a sarcastic/good looking girl with good values (loyal, honest etc as listed in an earlier post) I would definitely be on cloud 9.

[Humor_me]

calm down man. you are picky like me.

 

hahah...I know I'm a bit picky but I can't help but feel a bit impatient/concerned.

[thejigsup]

I love the sarcastic kind myself. A great sense of humor and loyalty top my list, also. Keep looking, they're out there. Try dating someone who kind of comes close to making your list. In time, you may discover that they did not reveal themselves fully to you at first, but they have everything you want once you get to know them. About the rich guy stuff, that's just plain class envy and anyone who thinks like that should not even be given a thought. Some of the nicests guys I ever dated came from your kind of background. Money is important in this world and I certainly wouldn't snub a guy because he had some. That's silly.

[greywolf]

How old are you? Personally it'd be a turnoff to me if the guy I was dating still depended on his parents. Actually confession time: I would resent it.

[ghost69]

hahah...I know I'm a bit picky but I can't help but feel a bit impatient/concerned.

 

look. some girl is going to come along and just blow you away. and all this and all the past you've been through doesn't even matter right?

[Kat123]

This probably isn't going to be a very popular opinion, but here it is. And to the OP, please understand that this is nothing about you personally. I don't know you, and you may very well be nothing like this at all. But, I have to say, in my experience, sarcasm and hot cars have been big masks for a lot of insecurities. I consider myself a loyal, honest, compassionate, caring person, and I've been told I rate fairly high on the attractiveness scale. Both of these things are a huge turnoff to me. I've dated the sarcastic kind before, and it always seems like you are at the butt of some pretty harsh jokes, with the worst part being that you know the sarcasm is only a mask for the truth the speaker really feels. Its fun once in a while, but dating a guy who can't get by without it is absolutely the worst. I did it for the last two year, and I will NEVER do it again. All of my ex's friends and my ex are very sarcastic the vast majority of the time, and NONE of them can maintain any sort of stable relationship. I actually even read an article in a pyschology publication about sarcasm, and about how people who use it are generally very insecure, and use it only to boost their own ego at the expense of their "victim." Doesn't sound like something I want to sign up for a lifetime for.

 

I don't see how the sarcasm, coupled with the hot car, and apparently "richboy" aura can't come accross as arrogant, which intelligent people know is just really a mask for insecure. Like I said, to girls like me, this is about the biggest turnoff imaginable, and I can smell it a mile away.

 

I'm not saying you are at all like this, but maybe there is a chance others may wrongly view you this way. If so, the kind of girls you are after are probably going to run in the opposite direction.

 

Again, I don't know you, aside from what you've said. I'm just giving you my take on what my (prehaps erroneous) knee-jerk reaction would be of someone with these things...

[Humor_me]

I love the sarcastic kind myself. A great sense of humor and loyalty top my list, also. Keep looking, they're out there. Try dating someone who kind of comes close to making your list. In time, you may discover that they did not reveal themselves fully to you at first, but they have everything you want once you get to know them. About the rich guy stuff, that's just plain class envy and anyone who thinks like that should not even be given a thought. Some of the nicests guys I ever dated came from your kind of background. Money is important in this world and I certainly wouldn't snub a guy because he had some. That's silly.

Thanks, I guess posts like this kind of make me want to believe I have to just hold off and 'wait'....which is again just frustrating imo...what can we do though

 

How old are you? Personally it'd be a turnoff to me if the guy I was dating still depended on his parents. Actually confession time: I would resent it.

Early 20s, graduating university this year. I'm not so much financially dependent on my parents for the sake of being so, I will be moving out within the next few years for sure.

look. some girl is going to come along and just blow you away. and all this and all the past you've been through doesn't even matter right?

I mean you can say that as a hypothetical case, but considering how many women I've seen just in the past 6months, it's just making me wonder....

 

This probably isn't going to be a very popular opinion, but here it is. And to the OP, please understand that this is nothing about you personally. I don't know you, and you may very well be nothing like this at all. But, I have to say, in my experience, sarcasm and hot cars have been big masks for a lot of insecurities. I consider myself a loyal, honest, compassionate, caring person, and I've been told I rate fairly high on the attractiveness scale. Both of these things are a huge turnoff to me. I've dated the sarcastic kind before, and it always seems like you are at the butt of some pretty harsh jokes, with the worst part being that you know the sarcasm is only a mask for the truth the speaker really feels. Its fun once in a while, but dating a guy who can't get by without it is absolutely the worst. I did it for the last two year, and I will NEVER do it again. All of my ex's friends and my ex are very sarcastic the vast majority of the time, and NONE of them can maintain any sort of stable relationship. I actually even read an article in a pyschology publication about sarcasm, and about how people who use it are generally very insecure, and use it only to boost their own ego at the expense of their "victim." Doesn't sound like something I want to sign up for a lifetime for.

 

I don't see how the sarcasm, coupled with the hot car, and apparently "richboy" aura can't come accross as arrogant, which intelligent people know is just really a mask for insecure. Like I said, to girls like me, this is about the biggest turnoff imaginable, and I can smell it a mile away.

 

I'm not saying you are at all like this, but maybe there is a chance others may wrongly view you this way. If so, the kind of girls you are after are probably going to run in the opposite direction.

 

Again, I don't know you, aside from what you've said. I'm just giving you my take on what my (prehaps erroneous) knee-jerk reaction would be of someone with these things...

Kat123,

First off, I want to thank you for making the effort and putting in such an in depth post for me!

 

I understand your ideas and the direct relation between insecurities and the need to throw on that 'sarcastic' mask and buy the 'flashy cars'. This is definitely not erroneous and can be seen in society today just from the one side of 'flashy cars' alone. My initial point regarding my vehicle of choice is that it stems from a personal interest moreso than a 'flash' interest.

 

However, if I were to stand here and tell you I have no insecurities I would be lying to you....I think we all feel a little insecure about one thing or another, but I can definitely assure you my vehicle and financial status hold no value in making up for them.

 

As for the sarcasm, you may very well be right. The fact that I'm making this thread on such a forum alone must give out a hint that I'm considering the idea that maybe I AM doing something thats clearly turning the 'right women off'....To be honest I've always had a smart mouth, I can honestly remember being a toddler and having made smart-a$$ comments to my grandma and happily dodging the shoe launched from accross the room while we both laughed. It's just something that comes naturally....it's not like every word out of my mouth is a sarcastic remark..it's just my 'general persona'. I'd like to think there are no 'victims' in my jokes as it's generally a lot of 'ball busting' cheeky jokes and the like. But if you have any info on the article you discussed I'd love to read it! Again, I'd appreciate some more feedback from you Kat, I came here to get a wide range of views...so I definitely value every one I get!