His family doesn't know about me

[ohyeahuh]

My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. Should I be concerned that his family and most of his friends don't know about me? I sometimes get the feeling that he wants to keep me a secret. I have no idea why but, I'm assuming it's probably because I am older than him, unemployed, and divorced. I already discussed this with him and he keeps telling me that he's just waiting to tell them in person (they live out of state.) Should I just brush it off and wait to see if he tells his family and friends or should I really consider breaking it off with him? Thanks.

[scared and alone]

Do none of them really not KNOW about you? like, at all? I'm not saying youre wrong, im just wondering if its really they dont even know you exist or what?

[Creative]

Guys that don't bring their girlfriend to his family means he doesn't intend to marry you.

[thejigsup]

I don't introduce anyone to my family until I have known them at least one year. My bf did not introduce me to his family until we had known each other about two years. There are still some I haven't met. We have been together a long time, so I don't think it is odd. Sometimes, I think we put waaay too much importance on meeting the family instead of getting to know each other very well before we meet any of our respective people.

[Jayar]

I've been introduced to family of many guys who didn't end up marrying me. At the same time, I'd be very suspicious of someone who wasn't excited to take me home to meet mum.

[Creative]

Well... we are still young. So we may not have seen what the guy is thinking. Perhaps he have introduced old girlfriends to the family before but things didn't work out very well. So now he is careful who to bring back home.

 

That is a possibility.

 

Why don't you ask him? If he doesn't intend to progress things any further, he'll find that question uncomfortable, but note that he may very well just be oblivious to how you're feeling.

[Jayar]

 

Why don't you ask him? If he doesn't intend to progress things any further, he'll find that question uncomfortable, but note that he may very well just be oblivious to how you're feeling.

 

Gawd, I remember with my ex I asked for MONTHS about meeting his family. It went through two holidays then finally come Christmas I'd had enough and told him either we do Christmas together or it's over. We did Christmas together, but it never felt right. My idea of the RIGHT relationship is now the guy who can't wait to take me home and show me off. JMO.

[ohyeahuh]

Thank you to everyone who has responded thus far.

 

sacred and alone: His family just knows of me as his roommate.

 

Creative: I've thought the same thing, which is why I get so confused whenever he tells me he wants to marry me.

 

thejigsup: Your post relieved some worry. Thank you for enlightening me and letting me know that this isn't odd.

 

Jayar: I really wasn't suspicious during the first year of our relationship, but now that we've past the one year mark, it just makes me a bit uneasy.

[ohyeahuh]

Creative: From my understanding, I am his first serious relationship. He is completely aware of how I feel about this. He says that he will tell his family about me in person since they live out of state.

 

Jayar: In my past relationships, my exes couldn't wait to have me meet his family. Which is why I'm so weary about my current relationship and his not mentioning his relationship with me.

 

Thanks!

[Jayar]

Jayar: In my past relationships, my exes couldn't wait to have me meet his family. Which is why I'm so weary about my current relationship and his not mentioning his relationship with me.

 

Thanks!

 

Hmmm... I suppose there's no harm in asking. Maybe he has good reason. But if not, then ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who's ashamed of you. I'd find that a huge insult.

 

Not saying that's the case, but unless he has some pressing reason he hasn't taken you home, that is more valid than "not yet" I'd feel like HE wasn't proud of me. And I won't settle for that ever again.

[Hayles]

Guys that don't bring their girlfriend to his family means he doesn't intend to marry you.[/QUOTE]

 

 

This is how I used to think.... However, after much heartbreak, when I discovered that my bf had not told his parents about me (even after I had met them, assuming they knew!!) after one and a half years of very serious relationship... I have learned it's not always that black and white... Four and a half years on, we are happy, steady and planning our future - For my bf, it was simply about being "Certain" before he brought another girl into his family's life

[Creative]

 

 

This is how I used to think.... However, after much heartbreak, when I discovered that my bf had not told his parents about me (even after I had met them, assuming they knew!!) after one and a half years of very serious relationship... I have learned it's not always that black and white... Four and a half years on, we are happy, steady and planning our future - For my bf, it was simply about being "Certain" before he brought another girl into his family's life

 

Yeah, i took some serious thought about what i wrote, then wrote again just to be more responsible for what i wrote:

 

Well... we are still young. So we may not have seen what the guy is thinking. Perhaps he have introduced old girlfriends to the family before but things didn't work out very well. So now he is careful who to bring back home.

 

However, the natural inclination for us guys is to bring the girl to the family if he does see a future with her.

[Lana0120]

I think he may have introduced girlfriends to his parents before, they've had expectations and things haven't worked out. Perhaps his parents are actually the parents from hell, which is why he is putting it off. There could be all kinds of reasons. Personally though, I'd feel uneasy about the fact that he is hiding your existence from them and I think you should ask him why. Additionally, how often does he see them? You said that he said he wanted to tell them in person... does this mean that he hasn't laid eyes on his parents in the last year?

[ghost69]

i've only introduced 3 girls i've dated to my family. it's a special thing for me to do this. but them thinking it's my roommate and nothing more, that is weird.

 

so i'm guessing you have met them. how does he introduce you. 'this is my roommate ____' ??

[pinkelephant]

im more wondering about the friends bit.

 

 

family can be excused. ie; theyre weird or whatever but his friends should know.

[dream83]

While some people do want to wait and be sure it's going to work out in the long term, I think it's definitely something worth asking about. I do also find it more troubling that he friends don't know anything about you.

 

I'm really wary of the whole not at least telling the friends/family thing after the first year now. My last bf kept putting it off (although some of his friends knew about me), and we were together 2.5 years. But the not meeting the family thing was just a symptom of bigger issues with commitment and other things that he had. That's not to say that everyone's situation is like that. But, it's definitely why I would be wary unless there was some other really compelling reason for him not telling his family/friends.

[ohyeahuh]

First off, thanks for everyone's input. You guys are the best!

 

Jayar: I really thought that he was ashamed of me and I was very insulted. There are really no reasons why he hasn't told his family about me, just the fact that they are from out of state. But still, my parents know about him and they live out of state, so there really is no excuse IMO.

 

Hayles: I also think that he hasn't told his family about his relationship with me because he wanted to be certain. But it's just more confusing for me because he tells me that I'm the one. I'm glad to know things with your BF are going strong!

 

Creative: I still agree with you when you say that guys bring a girl home when they see a future with her. I guess time will tell. ;-)

 

Lana0120: I've asked him numerous times why he hasn't said anything to his family yet and he just tells me he wants to tell them in person. The last time he saw his family was during the holidays. I really didn't mind back then since our relationship hasn't been a year yet... now that it's over a year, I'm kind of getting antsy and a bit suspicious, honestly!

 

ghost69: I've met his younger siblings, but not his parents and older sibling. His parents and siblings do know about me, but only as his roommate. And yes sir, he did introduce me to his younger siblings as his roommate.

 

pinkelephant: Only a couple of his friends know that we are together and I've met them as well. His other friends, from my understanding, know of me, but I've never personally met them. I think that's worse than his family not knowing about our relationship.

 

dream83: Whenever I do confront him about when he's going to tell his family about us, it's always the usual "I'll tell them once I see them in person." What gets me is that he tells me he wants to spend his life with me. But yet, I haven't met his family and most of his friends.

[ghost69]

this is all pretty shady.