Her parents dont want me to have him

[Atticus90]

Well, this weekend I was going to try to have my son over my house for the weekend, but her mom gets an attitude and says no. My gf is to scared to say anything to her and is easily influenced by her mom so I'm expecting her to turn on me soon.

 

I didn't want to have to go through the courts, but I guess I have to now.

 

What are my rights? I'm on the birth certificate and everything so that part is out of the way.

[melrich]

Well you would certainly have access rights. Why would her parents not want you to see your son?

[Atticus90]

I don't know. They didn't have a problem with me going over their to see him, but when it came to me asking to have him over my house for the weekend, she went through the ceiling. It's a disaster area over their. she screamed, because this was on the phone. I wasn't able to be over their at that moment, so I had my gf ask her. Jacob cried because of all that. just so much fighting in that house.

 

all i want to do is have him over my place for the weekend. is that to much to ask?

 

and could someone conferm this rumor for me.. is it true that the courts are one sided? with the moms instead of the dads?

[melrich]

all i want to do is have him over my place for the weekend. is that to much to ask?

 

From what I know, Jacob is very young right? Is he being breast fed? Generally overnights away from the mother are not advisable and not granted by courts up to the age of about 1. Maybe at the moment, shorter stays with you would be preferable.

 

and could someone conferm this rumor for me.. is it true that the courts are one sided? with the moms instead of the dads?

 

Where I live anyway, the starting point on custody is 50/50 all circumstances being equal. I don't think the courts take the hardline they used to with custody nowadays.

[Hope75]

Well, this weekend I was going to try to have my son over my house for the weekend, but her mom gets an attitude and says no. My gf is to scared to say anything to her and is easily influenced by her mom so I'm expecting her to turn on me soon.

 

I didn't want to have to go through the courts, but I guess I have to now.

 

What are my rights? I'm on the birth certificate and everything so that part is out of the way.

 

Hi Atticus, so he is born, huh?

 

Congratulations!

 

How big was he?

 

Were you planning to have the baby at your house without his mother?

 

I ask because the baby is what, a week old if that? I've heard that courts don't typically allow overnight visitations to fathers without the mother for the first months, esp. if the mom is breastfeeding.

 

Would the baby's mom be coming with him?

[Atticus90]

he was 8 lb. 3 oz. he went down to 8.2 oz. he's a tall baby. 21 3/4 long.

cute lil baby lol

 

he was born june 20th. he'll be a week old toomorow.

 

he's not breastfed. he has this formula with iron in it.

 

i don't see why i can't have him overnight. i can do a good job with him like she does. hell, she's already getting tired of waking up at night and it hasn't even been a week yet. she's depressed, crying a lot, yelling at everyone. the baby would do much better with me if i had that choice.

 

i was talking to my mom and she says if i plan to sue, then i should do it for custody cause i wont get anything with visitation.

 

and idk what the deal is with my gf. we're pretty unstable right now as far as the relationship goes, so it can go either way at the moment.

[Hope75]

Atticus,

 

You'll need to talk to a family lawyer, but as Melrich and I both mentioned, in the early months courts usually favor the baby being at home with the mother for overnights, unless she is staying with you at your house.

 

Do you have a lawyer?

[Atticus90]

why does she have more rights than me? why is she any more responsible for this kid than me?

birth certificate says we have 50/50 in the court system, but that's not how it is..

 

and i don't have a lawyer, but i can get one.

[Hope75]

why does she have more rights than me? why is she any more responsible for this kid than me?

birth certificate says we have 50/50 in the court system, but that's not how it is..

 

and i don't have a lawyer, but i can get one.

 

 

Honey, I don't have those answers for you. I don't make the laws. Courts tend to favor the mother when the infant is little.

 

Are you planning to have a DNA test now that he's here? I know you had some questions as to whether or not you are actually his father. You'll want to get that done before attempting to seek any type of custody arrangement.

 

What does your girlfriend want? Can you go over there for the night and be with them?

[Atticus90]

i don't have a dna test done. if i have to have it to have rights then i guess ill do it.

 

her parents wont let me stay the night over their... crazy i know, but that's just how it is.

 

im hopeing the visitiation wont be no 3 - 4 times a month crap. im hopeing atleast 12 days a month.

[Hope75]

i don't have a dna test done. if i have to have it to have rights then i guess ill do it.

 

her parents wont let me stay the night over their... crazy i know, but that's just how it is.

 

im hopeing the visitiation wont be no 3 - 4 times a month crap. im hopeing atleast 12 days a month.

 

It's not that crazy, she is a 17 year old girl, most parents I know wouldn't be comfortable with that. This is one of the setbacks of having a child at such a young age.

 

You are probably going to need to prove paternity before you will get any type of custody/visitation if you need to go to court to get it.

 

Besides, you questioned your paternity yourself as you said she had slept with other people around the time she got pregnant. Don't you want to know for sure?

[Atticus90]

im intrested to know, but i already know just by looking at him. he has my features.

 

i guess court is the way to go... oh well. she wont be able to do it on her own anyways. she needs me to help her.

 

i think i may be trying to sue for custody. good idea? do i have a good case based on how she is?

[sophie274]

im intrested to know, but i already know just by looking at him. he has my features.

 

i guess court is the way to go... oh well. she wont be able to do it on her own anyways. she needs me to help her.

 

i think i may be trying to sue for custody. good idea? do i have a good case based on how she is?

 

Honestly Atticus, I would take some time and think about this. Only a few months ago you were thinking of giving your child up for adoption. I don't think you should make this decision lightly: it is a huge commitment and something you have to be sure about. Why not wait and see what it is like to have the baby full time for a week? You say your girlfriend is getting cranky and tired - I'm willing to bet you would too!! It's an extraordinary amount of work: a full time job for the few years for sure.

[JadedStar]

Honestly Atticus, I would take some time and think about this. Only a few months ago you were thinking of giving your child up for adoption. I don't think you should make this decision likely: it is a huge commitment and something you have to be sure about. Why not wait and see what it is like to have the baby full time for a week? You say your girlfriend is getting cranky and tired - I'm willing to bet you would too!! It's an extraordinary amount of work: a full time job for the few years for sure.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

I dont think you have any idea what you might be getting into atticus. The baby is a week or so old, it is not such a bad thing for him to be with his mother right now. Overnight visits can come a bit later.

[Hope75]

Atticus,

 

You need to determine if the baby is in fact yours before you do anything.

 

Next, think logistically about taking this baby from his mother and raising him on your own as an 18 year old boy with no college education.

 

How are you going to support him? You will need to work full time- who will watch him while you are working? How will you pay for his health insurance, his diapers, his formula, his food? Do you know what health insurance alone costs? What will you do when he is sick and you can't leave him at daycare and you can't go to work? What about when he is up all night with colic and you need to work the next day? What about college?

 

Just some things to think about.

 

I think you are so gung ho on 'getting him from his mother' you are not thinking about the big picture.

[BornToResist]

Oh my, my, my. My view is very biased, I'm not trying to say anything against you at all, but hopefully I can shed some light as to how things are for her and the way things can go if you jump into court.

 

When I had my son, my son's father brought up overnight visits and taking the baby out without me while I was still in the hospital. I understand that yes, he is the father so yes he has rights. BUT...over my dead body. Wasn't going to happen.

 

However, the way things are is she JUST had this baby. There is something that comes out in a mother, sorta animal instincts. Think mamma bear. If you care about her AT ALL, I would back off a bit. I'm not saying don't expect to see your son, but unless you want things to get very ugly very soon, I'd say go over there as much as possible. Could you invite her over to your house with the baby? What is your relationship like? Would it be possible to have her come over and let her rest in your room while you take care of the baby? Not only will this give you time with your son, but it will show her that it will not be the end of the world if the child is out of her sight for the moment. It will show her that you are capable of handling it, that you care, that things will be okay. I cannot express how important I believe this step is. The baby is only a week old. There is a connection between mother and child that is really hard to understand. She carried this baby everywhere with her for almost a year, it was a part of her. Of course she is going to be protective of it. It is natural, it is the way it works. Mothers are designed to be protective over their children, especially at this age.

 

This is what happened when my son's father served me with papers probably about a month after he was born: Visitation was cut off COMPLETELY. The only way he could contact me was by email. He was no longer welcome at my house to visit, no phone calls. I went into freakout mode. I was so protective of that child, thinking that he was going to come in and take him from me. I felt like I was losing control and did not know what to do.

 

When you file papers, a court date is set sometimes up to 3 months away. My son's father got nothing from me for those 3 months, the first time he saw our child since serving papers was when visitation began. I fought fiercely and we do have joint custody, meaning we both make decisions about child care, doctors, etc., but I have 90% physical custody which is normal. Yes he did get overnights. Two 24 hour visits per month and the rest are only for 2 hours every other day.

 

My advice is to work WITH her, not against her. She is the key IMO. Help her to realize that you are not trying to take your son AWAY from her. Show her that you want to be a part of it. You want to be there and be a parent WITH her, not trying to take her baby.

 

This is a VERY hard time in her life. You have no idea what hormonal changes she is going through. Be a support. If you don't care about her, be a support for your son's mother.

 

Please take my advice into consideration...this can get very, very, VERY ugly...

[Hope75]

BTR,

 

I am glad you posted. When I read Atticus's thread I was thinking of you and your sitaution.

 

Atticus, BTR knows what she is talking about. Have you given this any more thought?

[BornToResist]

I hope I can help at least a little, I have been there and done that. I really hope the OP puts some really deep thought into this situation. The last thing this child needs is to have his parents fighting against each other.

[thejigsup]

Legally speaking, courts do not give fathers overnights until the child is about two-years-old. You would have a better chance working with her mom. Young fathers do not get much from the courts. Sorry.