would a guy really ever date you again or are you labeled...

[fifi8]

Hi,

 

My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago. I'd had a bad accident and it had left me in a lot of debt, and it really changed my personality. I had the mood swings from hell, and then I became very insecure and needy. After two months of dealing with me being needy, he broke up with me. I later found out I was depressed, nothing major, but enough that I went to therapy. I never blamed my ex or made him feel bad for his decision. Of course, post break up I did the needy thing again (ugh, will I ever learn) and drove him further away, and it is only in the last month that I've behaved maturely.

 

I asked him to tell me he didn't love me anymore, and we would never get back together, just to get closure, and he wouldn't, stating that he never closed the door no anything. My question is, and this is mainly to the guys, if you've behaved badly in a relationship, but have gotten help, would a guy really ever date you again, or are you labeled as having depression, and only ever considered as a friend after that?

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

 

Fiona

[Michael2]

Hey fifi,

 

Sorry to hear about the accident and your depression.

 

We all have difficult times, and I applaud you for healing yourself.

 

As for your ex. In all honesty, if he truly loved you then I would say yes there is definitely a chance for the love to be rekindled.

 

On that note, I am not sure how badly you have behaved in the relationship, so it really depends. Maybe he just needs some time to himself to sort things out. But just remember he broke up with you and if you have showed him that you are not the girl you were a few months ago, then it may be time to move on.

[Ash]

Well, it would have been nice to think that if you'd had mood swings after your accident that he would have stuck by a bit longer to try and help you along. But, no point worrying about that.

 

Given you situation, I would personally not hang a label around your neck. Very often depression is a clinical condition, a chemical imbalance. Once identified and dealt with, it shouldn't hold a negative stigma. Nor for that matter should having been depressed due to other reasons, and then being cured of that.

 

You think you're better, so why not give him the benefit of the doubt, assume he'll see you as the way you were, and see what happens if you try to rebuild your relationship. At this point, what to you really have to lose? If he's already gone, and not coming back, you'll have determined that for sure. If there's a chance, then it sounds like you want to work on it.

 

My only caution would be to take it carefully. You don't want to push him further away if it will make you feel depressed again. You'll have to weigh that off against the choice of just leaving things as they are now.