Help! I'm trying to break-up after 14 years.

[Jessee42]

I have been in a lesbian relationship for 14 years. I am 40, she is 42. She has a mental illness, I am a psychotherapist - perfect ingredients for a co-dependent relationship. She has no idea that I'm planning to end the relationship. I dread the thought of telling her because I'm picturing a lot of drama and tears. I'm getting all sorts of advice from friends and family, but am hoping to get suggestions from more objective people, maybe from someone who has experienced something similar. My latest idea is to talk to her therapist to give her a heads up and arrange to do the break-up right before her next appointment. I appreciate any and all feedback and will gladly provide more details to those who reply.

[neallo82288]

You need to be straight forward and tell her the truth. Tell her everything do not hold back and spare her feelings. I am just getting out of a relationship in which everything was held back from me and now as I find things out I wish I was told from the start, which would have saved alot of heart ache on my behalf. Stay strong and keep firm.

I am sorry things did not work out for you.

[Jessee42]

thank you for your input and advice. I talked to her today. It went pretty much as I expected it would, though I was hoping that she would've had a clue before now as it seemed that she had been pulling away from me too. She said she was totally shocked and couldn't comprehend this. She asked if we could work on it, she wanted to know what she could do to make me happy. At first, I said I'd try but couldn't make any promises. As the day progressed, I was able to be more straight forward and tell her I didn't want to work on it, that it was over for me and had been for a long time. I did apologize for not communicating with her sooner. She is always so fragile, I never wanted to hurt her. Hurting is inevitable. I do feel badly for the pain I'm causing. I am in pain too, but I know that I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing something for myself and it feels strange and a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time empowering and liberating. I'm in acute pain at the moment, writing has helped.