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My husband seems to have lost all interest in me....


beev
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and I don't know what to do. We have been married 7 years and just had our anniversary. There was no love making not even a kiss because he thought he was getting sick and didn't want to make me sick. We have not had sex since before our 2 month old was born and the last time we did it was only to stimulate contractions. Sometimes I think he is cheating and sometimes I think I am just disgusting to him.

 

I know there is little to no chance in reality that he is cheating on me so I can't understand why he has no interest in sex. He works two jobs and I know that is tiring but no interest at all makes me feel like it is me.

 

I try to be understanding because I used to be the one that worked all the time and I know how it is to be tired and just want to rest but I also know that I would be interested in his pleasure at the expense of my rest, not always but I did sometimes.

 

This has gotten to the point that I sit around and wonder how the life of my husband and children would be without me. I was never a person who would accept suicide as an option but now I just wonder if they would notice I was gone or if my replacement would be so much better.

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The birth of a child often leads to problems like this, so don't think you are alone. Have you talked about it to him? If not, and it seems that you haven't, I'd suggest that instead of talking to him as if there is a problem, talk to him in a positive manner, be nice, say good morning, compliment him, and put into place a plan to seduce him: get sex with you on his mind, let him know you want it and you want him. Begin with just kissing him like you mean it and not worrying about how he will react. After you do that, leave him alone, then turn it on again, on and off, on and off. This should get his attention and get him running. Try to turn him on, wihtout ever letting your hands roam near his equipment, until he makes a nig move in your direction. If you are positive and upbeat and then cannot seduce him after a while, then you have a real problem. This is kind of the approach that reminds me of the old saying that you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Be honey and try to make him want to come buzzing around you.

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First thing that comes to mind, is there any chance you're suffering from post partum depression? This can last an extended period of time, and may explain some of your feelings.

 

I'm pretty sure they would both certainly notice if you were gone, as would a lot of other people in your life. Don't underestimate your importance.

 

Why would you think you are disgusting? Some men can be uneasy with the whole pregnancy and birthing experience. It's possible he's afraid you're not quite ready yet, especially depending on exactly what happened during your delivery.

 

Assuming every thing is actually okay, have you though about being sexy for him at all? Does he generally make the first move, and you're waiting for him? If so, take the upper hand for a change.

 

Perhaps you could organize a romantic date. I realize this is tricky with a new baby, so you'll likely have to plan it at home. He may be under the impression he's not important anymore as you have a very dependent new baby. Show him that he is important, and you do care.

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  • 2 years later...

i can tell from experience, that right after giving birth (i just had #2 2 weeks ago) you can feel WAY un-attractive, i know i do right now. my guy has been working extra hours to make up for my no-longer there income, and hes been really tired. i feel like hes less intrested in me. last night i talked to him and told him that i needed attention from him. hes always wanting it from me, but with the two kids i feel like all i do is give give give and not getting. it has made me very depressed. (post-pardem mabe?)

i think that once things get into a smoother routine with the new baby that maby things will get better for you.

mabe try new approaches to the bedroom thing... theres a famous saying that is so true..."the perfect woman is a lady on the streets but a w*ore in the bedroom".. after 7 years he may feel like its like reading the same book over and over. i know i had to do this, and when i did, i have never seen him in a better mood.

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