Looking for general thoughts - and how to stay controlled and not too keen.

[babybear]

Hey about a year ago I met a barman and we became friends. He was a barman at a bar in the city centre of where I live. I first pulled him a week before I moved to go to University. The University I am at is about an hours drive away and by train so not too far. I really liked him and we saw each other loads in that last week and I ended up going out and getting drunk with him one night and then going back to his and sleeping with him. This was a big deal for me because he was the first person I slept with since my ex of three years. Anyway we ended things although we were never actually "together" as of Uni and stuff.

 

When I came back to my hometown for the Christmas holidays I was in the bar he works one night (i'm a regular) and pulled someone and ended up going back to theirs. It turned out this guy worked at this place too but he wasn't a barman, however he was friends with the first guy. I was over that guy though and was really keen on this one. Me and this guy then became sex buddies from Christmas til around april when it fizzled out and he met someone new. Throughout the time I was seeing this second guy, the first guy was VILE towards me, really rude and offensive, constantly getting into arguments with me about the second guy, and constantly hitting on my best friend (though to no avail).

 

Anyway in May I came back to my home for a festival night which the first guy was at, and i, very drunkenly got with him.

He then seemed really, really keen and wanted to come back and stay with me at my place where i live in the other city for Uni for the night (because i was going home at 7am) he actually wanted to leave the festival with me and get the train, he even came to the train station. However we got into discussing the second guy again and i got upset (i accidently got emotionally involved with the second guy) and so kinda missed him and didn't want to be with the first guy at that point. I decided that the feelings I orginally felt for him all them months ago were gone.

 

However, now I am back from Uni for the summer - i'll be here about three months. The first night I went out the first guy found out about due to facebook and came too and I ended up getting with him and going back to his where I slept with him again.

I have then got with him a couple of more times since then.

 

My problem is I can't stop over-anaylsing it all rather than just going with the flow. I keep going over in my head whether or not i like him again. and i keep thinking he's not as keen as he started out. He hasn't asked me to meet up or anything which makes me sad because i ultimately would want to work towards getting a relationship as i am tired of * * * * buddy relationships. i have only seen him when i've been out and he's been working on the bar apart from that first night. I don't want to seem too keen because that might ruin it. The last time he ended it with me one of the reasons was because he thought i was way too paranoid and over-analysed everything (as well as leaving for uni). Uhm this all sounds really confusing I just want someone to straighten it out for me haha. I don't know what to think or whether this guy is worth another try or if he even wants to try with me. I know i don't want another sex buddy though. The last guy told me he was looking for no-strings-attached fun upfront and not looking for a relationship but I don't know how to ask this guy what he wants without sounding like a fool, esp as i've only been back a week and only slept with him once since being back. I just want some tips on how to control myself as well HAHA. last night i ended up texting him about some strange youtube videos he uploaded AND HE DIDN'T REPLY = he doesn't like me??? that's what goes through my head. grrrrrrrr.............

[Matt14588]

Wow that was a long read! Lol! First of all stop 'just' sleeping with him because you will be giving him the idea that this is all you want. You need to decided whether or not you actually like him or not. As you don't know how you feel you will be sending out mixed messages to him meaning he has no idea where he stands, it doesn't help with you sleeping with him either. This will just confuse him more. To me, it sounds like he may just be after sex as (let's be honest) you seem to give in to him after you've had a couple. If you don't want a buddy then stop sleeping with him and actually ask him what he wants! If he tells you 'just sex' then try a new bar, if he wants more and you decide you want more then try it. There could also be hundreds of reasons he didn't text back, not liking could easily be at the bottom of that list. Hope this helps