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Okay, so I used to be very anti-social, but after graduating high-school, I made a bunch of new friends, started going out a lot more often, and overall, I'm a completely changed man. The thing is that I'm 18, and still never been on a date, or kissed a girl, or anything.


There's this girl that I met about a year ago at a party, we talked a bit but nothing happened. Recently, we ran into each other at our college's orientation session and we started talking again.


About a week later, she messaged me on Facebook asking me something about class registration, before you know it, we're messaging back and forth talking about work and summer plans. We are doing the delayed messaging thing, where each person takes a few days to respond even though I can see that she has used Facebook in between (I don't know if that's a good or bad thing), also, we both keep on ending the messages with questions, showing that we want to keep the convo going. Eventually she says that "we should all hang out sometime." So I noticed that there was a holiday coming up, and since nobody had work on Tuesday, I thought Monday would be a great night to go out. And I invited her to come to a bar with me and a bunch of friends since she said "we should all hang out," I kind of got the impression that she wanted to be in a larger group, and she knows the people that I was going out with already.


She replies the night before (I sent the message on Wednesday) saying that she can't make it because she has to sort a few things out before she starts a new job, but that we still have the whole summer to work something out.


So my first attempt failed, but it looks like she's still left the window of opportunity wide open, yet I have no idea how to proceed. How long should I wait before reintroducing the idea? Also, anyone have a better suggestion for a first date than a bar; asking for the same place, even though she suggested it, sounds like it might feel weird.


Another thing to note is that I'm completely inexperienced, and yet I know that this she's had sex before. That means she's far more experienced than I am (It came out during a game of Never Have I Ever). By the same token, she knows that I'm a virgin (Whether she remembers that or not is something else). The thing is that ever since leaving high school, I don't act like someone who has never had a relationship as I have a far more outgoing personality than you would expect for someone like me. If we do end up ever getting that first date, any tips on how to not blow it (I'm talking everything from A-Z, not just the sex part)?

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A first date is definitely not you and your friends hanging out with her and her friends. If you end up doing the bar thing then use it as an opportunity to have some fun. Talk to your friends, talk to her friends, talk to her. Have fun, don't hang on her all night, show her you are having fun and don't require her for that though you're glad she's there. Ask her for her number at some point during the night and suggest that the two of you should get together sometime soon, she should understand you're telling her you're interested. She'll give it to you if she's interested and you can call her at some point in the week. Make some small talk, keep the convo light and fun, and keep it relatively short. The purpose of the call is to plan a date so throw something out there, like dinner on such and such day. Make sure you have place, day and time in mind so you appear assertive and that you've put thought into this. If she's not good with the day then tell her that's cool and she can call you when she figures out a good time for her. Take her out and have fun, again keep it light and fun, get to know each other. But remember that the purpose of all of this is to have fun, you should enjoy your time spent with her. You're trying to figure out if you're going to enjoy spending more time with her and vice versa. YOu enjoy yourself and she'll enjoy herself, it's easy!


Oh, and go into this with absolutely no expectations other than to have fun for now. She doesn't know you and you don't know her, which means that neither of you owe each other anything.

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I knew that the bar with friends thing would be a bad idea for a date, but I couldn't think of how to get around it because she suggested the place, as well as going in a group, herself. But you presented the solution so clearly, and it makes so much sense. The only thing I need now is some patience...


Thanks Supafly.

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