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Trying to get back together any thoughts?


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My ex texted me last night to say he was coming home so he would get Guy (our dog he was travelling) at 1 PM to let my mom know. I replied K. HE wrote back later on his layover. I will probably come get Guy in the morning as you are home so it will be easier what time do you leave for work and how are the boys? I wrote I leave at 8:10 so that is good (trying to be vague) so he replied R U Mad? How R U? I replied Nope I am happy and good. How are you? So he called and said it was easier than texting (first time he called me in almost three months since our break up, we have hung out). Asked me if I wanted to go to a meeting tonight I said I am not sure if there is Big Book one tonight that is why I said No to Tuesdays (that is the only meeting he will go to), so he said well we could do something else if I wanted to, but only if you want to. So I said ok.




This morning he came to get Guy and I could tell he was exhausted. I asked if he still wanted to do go to a meeting tonight and he said he was a little over-zealous and exhausted (so no). I said ok. He gave me a hug and left. So I sent him a text saying rest up so you do not get sick you should have got Guy later no response. So I sent him a text saying Are you ok? He said yes just so tired. I replied ok just wanted to check in and he replied it was nice to c today. Guy was so happy. I replied yes he is a good dog and lucky to be able to have the both of us. Left it at that. I am so confused. He does have another business trip which he leaves for on Thursday night. So I know he is only home for two days with lots of catch up work (it is a start up with 5 employees, with 4 who attend all tradeshows, so it is madness when they get back and he will work until 11 or 12 to get things done).


Thoughts? Was he just seeing if he could still hang out with me? Note he does not play games but gets emotional ups and downs with depression. My mom said he was on a high (emotional) when he asked and then reality set in and he got scared and pulled back. But he did not have to see me to get the dog. He could have slept in a little and got from my mom (no discomfort there)

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I had asked him last night when we talked if I could bring guy hiking with me in September and he said he needed to think about it. I am not to experienced and Guy would need to be on a leash. He just replied that Maybe I could take Guy but u have to take Guy and I both sometime. So he wants to go too. I did reply back that he can come to but that this is something I have been thinking about and want to make sure Guy is there as he will love it. No response again. But I will leave it at that. I feel like I am building some trust back.

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Well. Hes doing the initiating in meeting up. You just gotta make sure he actually follows through and doesnt stand you up. Make yourself look busy all the time tis the best way, and be like actually I cant see you that day. and next time he texts you dont reply until you feel like it cos thats what hes doing!


Good luck hun



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Hi there,


I went back and read through a few of your previous threads to get a better understanding of the situation and after some skimming I think you need to slow down a little.


Obviously, I don’t think love is the problem with you two, but I do think he has several other issues (commitment, depression, work/life balance) that he needs to work on and work through before you two would have a good shot at long-term happiness if you did get back together. Give him plenty of space to do that.


One thought is to make yourself a lot less available. Telling him he could come a long on that hike in September probably wasn’t the best (but still suggest another date) idea. Don’t respond to his texts so quickly, and I know this is the hardest part, but stop trying to figure out his motivation or the hidden meanings behind his actions. You’ll drive yourself mad!


Right now you’re giving him the comfort of having you in his life without being in a committed relationship. Is that what you want? Do you just want to be friends? If you don’t and he broke up with you then why are you giving him the satisfaction of getting what he wants?


The bottom line: There is nothing you can do – or more importantly – can’t do that will make your ex come back. He needs to be the one to make the decision to come back. If/when that happens then your decision is whether you want him back, but there’s nothing you can do in the meantime except live your life.


My own hunch based on what you’ve written is that he really does care about you and he probably will want another chance – but he hasn’t said that yet. Don’t get caught in the trap of waiting to hear something that may never come.


Good luck!

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Don't know much about the rest of your story but I consider what you are going through being stuck in 'limbo land'. He has not communicated anything with you about getting back together, so based on the fact you are broken up then you are broken up. Unless the dumper changes their mind and shares that with you then nothing changes. Sure, you can hang out and all he may wnt to do is hang out as 'friends' and nothing more. If you are OK with living in limbo and living on hope that things will change then go for it. If you desire clear communication that allows you to make teh best choices for yourself then either ask him his intent (why he wants to hang out) or just make your own decision on what is healthy for you. I refused to do the friends thing with my ex and after she sent me a random email I asked her to not contact me unless she intented to reconcile. It felt good having control of my life and not giving up that control to someone else.

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Yeah I need to come to that point. My problem is I am too nice.. We have no plans to hang out at the moment. Only to see eachother brief for me to get our dog. He could just drop our dog at our parents. I know him from trying to have discussions in the past that he does not discuss. He cowers which is something that he knows. He stares at the floor gets antsy and starts crawling in his skin when it comes to anything emotional even if we are talking about him fighting with his parents so I am not going to waste my time trying to ask him anything. He is scared of life.

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