She Left Me and I am Devastated

[notorius]

We had a short-lived, but amazingly powerful relationship. She left me as she got spoooked after an argument, as she tends to run away to deal with conflict, and I need reassurance. SO, when she began to avoid me, I panicked, and I incessantly emailed her and voice mailed her, which ultimately lead to the break up- not our argument. She thought I was psycho for calling and emailing a zillion times...rightfully so. And, now, I am absolutely devastated, that an argument turned into the demise of our relationship..all my fault for obsessivley contacting her to try and work things out. I am severely heartbroken..help!

[The Morrigan]

Hey,

 

Sorry to hear you're dealing with this in the holiday season - we put together a post not that long ago, take a read, read through the others experiences who also posted in the resulting thread, and see if it helps make a little more sense of things for you.

 

link removed

[notorius]

Hi The Morrigan. Thanks for the reply. I read the posting about getting your ex back, but given that the reason for the break up with an unhealthy amount of phone message sand email messages left to her, which spooked her into thinking I was a psycho, I couldn't even make it to step 2. I am not to call or email or contact, she even hinted at restraining order. So I am out of luck. I really screwed the best relationship of my life.

[avman]

Hmmm, well I guess in this instance you should treat your relationship as a learning experience. If she's hinting at a restraining order then I REALLY think the no-contact rule applies. And I don't see any possibility of reconciliation.

 

Take a look back at what happened when the relationship went wrong. And tell yourself "hey, I'll never do that again". Then forgive yourself. You made a mistake. Oops, oh well. We all mess up and do stupid things. Then you can just focus on healing from your breakup.

 

When you find another special person you will have become a more mature person yourself. I have high hopes for your next relationship being a keeper!

[notorius]

HI, and thanks for the words of advice. It is just so hard, as I didn't mean to become so obsessive over leaving her voice mail and email messages so many times a day. I learned that she is the type, that when she has an argument, she not only needs time to cool, but days. And, when I didn't hear from her at all, and when she finally returned emails saying she would call later that day to talk about it and NEVER actually call, I panicked. So, I called even more, begging her to keep me, and to speak wiht me. But for 4-5 days, she never replied, and then she finally did and broke up with me, as she didn't even care about the initial argument anymore. She was totally terrified at the actions I took..all the calls and emails. Note that she is really young, only 21, and the only other relationship she had was from age 15-20, and was married to him from 19-20 and divorced as he beat her up. So, I was her first, new relationship, so I am sure she compared my actions to her ex's and she is terrified of me. I miss her so much I am in so much pain.

[avman]

Its going to take some time to get over her. Head over to the Healing after break up forum and browse through some of the messages there. Lots of people have been in your shoes.

 

Don't try to get through this alone. Call up some of your friends and get together with them. Or spend time with your family. Talk to them about the breakup so they can help you through. The worst thing you can do is sit alone in the house kicking yourself over what happened. That won't bring her back - but it will succeed in plunging you into a depression.

 

I also recommend some physical exercise. It does wonders on your body chemistry and will take a bit of the sting out of your life. Eat right, and take care of yourself. It sounds silly, but its so important and easy to neglect when you feel down.

 

Merry Christmas to you!

[notorius]

Thanks again for your reply. I have been confiding in my family, and frineds. It just doesn't seem to do much help. I am even thinking of seein ga therapist, as i think it is unhealthy to have called and emailed 10-15 times a day. It shows some kind of obsessive nature, which I have never experienced before. I guess I did it out of panick and out of anger, and fear that she would break up with me, and I caused he to do so by my actions. She said she wouldn't have broken up with me just because of the argument, and that the argument would have just made her want to take things slower between us. She broke up because of my psycho actions in calling and emailing..maybe I am sick!

Thanks for your help.

[avman]

Well my friend, it sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders. I agree that if you think you'd like to talk to a therapist then you should definitely go. It can't hurt. And you sound like you are definitely in the right frame of mind to benefit from that experience.

 

I have a good feeling that you have a bright future ahead. Stay the course, I think you are on the right path.

 

avman

[notorius]

Thanks Avman. I just wish she would think that I have a good head on my shoulders, versus thinking that I am a psycho stalker. IN one week, we went from talks of moving in together, and future marriage, and now down to thinking I am psycho and she fears me, like she feared her ex- for beating her up.

CAn someone really lose the love that quickly? Could her fears really washed away any feelings of missing me, loving me, curiosity about how I am doing? Or is all this scary stalking stuff so fresh in her head that she put me in her past. She gave back everything of mine that reminded her of me. She got rid of it all. I thiknk that "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" is the more appropriate phrase for her versus "Absense Makes The Heart Grow Fonder."

Sad, heartbreaking but true. For me, her being absent makes my heart grow fonder, but for her..out of sight, out of mind....