not coping

[prettyhate]

I am feeling miserable today and so teary. So so falling apart.

I went to a concert last night and he was not there thought he may have been

Part of me was disappointed – I enjoyed the show but it was weird I felt old the crowds all changed – I saw 2 of his mutual friends and they were nice to me but then one was saying how my ex was getting super drunk its so hard…

I didn’t realise how much going would upset me we used to go all the time its how we started to meet and was a fave thing in our relationship to do and its always at small venues the music we listen to is quite heavy/hardcore metal so the groups are the same and its hard… the band I saw I have seen many times with him and I cried till 3am I just felt so rotten so discarded so used.

I am ok but then I feel like I just slid I feel vulnerable today like snooping emails or even calling I know better than that – also there is another concert soon and also my housemates birthday both could involve him and I don’t even know what to say I spend most of my anxiety thinking about what id say to him

I cant win. He took all my power any response is a not a good one if I ignore him im childish and look like im not coping if I say hi he will think great and feel less guilty that im civil and if I say look I don’t want to talk to you

It looks bad too

I don’t know im so sad today that he doesn’t miss me he just cut the chord and im trying but it hurts that his life seems so much more enriched than mine with friends and parties but deep down he is drinking in excess and always has liked alco a little too much I keep thinking surely he will come to his senses

But he wont.

One month and a bit and I feel like im no where near progressed

 I am trying to allow myself to just feel this I guess.

i feel like im just plodding along not going anywhere with life just nothing

[BrokenDuc]

hello

sorry to hear about your situation

keep reading this forum to give you strength, dont do anything crazy and contact your ex.

it is your own mind that is making yourself upset

tomorrows another day

roll with the punches

 

we are here to support you.

 

take care