Am I being unreasonable?

[chuckr42]

I am 42 and have been dating a 43 year-old married woman for a little over a year. She is in what she describes as a, "Shared Parenting" relationship but they keep up public appearances. I believe she's telling me the truth and have accepted that we don't see each other much. We keep in touch mostly by texting. Despite the difficulties, I very much In Love with her, but there is a problem. We have a mutual friend and when they get together, her and my girlfriend get together they do anything they can to tease men by exposing their breasts. Both had breast enlargments last year and I understood last summer, figured they were showing off the new toys, so I said nothing about it. Then midway thru the summer my girl and her husband went to Vegas on vacation with her friend and her friends boyfriend. I found out later that they spent the week sunbathing topless at the european pool, and she even showered with her friend and her husband and then jumped into bed with them and took pictures. I told her then that I was very hurt by her behavior and felt the issue was settled. Last weekend I found out the four of them are planning another Vegas trip and when I questioned her she said that she intended to be a, "Free Spirit", and that I should just accept it. She said there's no way she could refuse to take part in the naked fun because it would, "Change who she is," and that her husband and friend would question why she didn't want to join in. They are not swingers and they don't have intercourse with each other but they do push the limits of Heavy Petting.

 

She is a free spirit, and that's one of the things I love about her, but I don't feel asking her to keep her clothes on is asking her to, "Change who she is." I think there are certain things, like nudity, that should be kept between just us, and it hurts when she does things like that. I feel like if she loved me the way she says, she would never do anything she knew would hurt me.

 

Am I being unreasonable?

[honeybee52]

ummmm.... she's married. thereforeee, you have no right to impose any boundaries on her. that's why it's "trouble" to date married people.

[Clementine orange]

She being honest with you regarding what's going on...if you can't deal with the situation then you probably shouldn't be in it.

 

Personally I wouldn't want to be involved with someone like that. It's your choice though, sounds like she is going through a second adolescence kind of...yuck

[Aschleigh]

Yeah, the naked fun is less of a problem than the married bit. Seems odd that the behavior about her new breasts bothers you but the fact that she is still with her husband and going on couples vacations doesn't. You don't see her much because she is in a relationship with her husband and kids.

[simply complicated]

Wow man, you really got yourself into some sh*t here, I won't preach about messin around with a commited girl, that would just be hypocrytical. But don't go falling in love and complaining about how inappropriate she is by bathing nude and all of that, she cheats on her husband, what are you doing falling for that, if you wanted her, just get a little action and leave it at that, the reality is, marriages are overrrated, thats why cheating is so common, not saying it's right, but it happens. This is your fault for allowing it to get this far, what do you hope will come of the situation? it's a lose lose scenario for you. If you can't handle her "free spirit" ..which sounds so much better then cheating * * * * * , then leave her.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I know that her behavior hurts you, but she's right, this is who she is, as evidenced by her willingness to cheat on her husband. If they're going on vacations together, I'm sure they're doing more than keeping up appearances.

[dream83]

Yeah. I would agree with the last poster. I highly doubt that her behavior stops at just going around topless. She's most likely doing waaay more than just "keeping up appearances." Also, getting breast implants at 42 and pretending you're in a girls gone wild video every chance you get is sort of immature behavior in my book (just my opinion). And God forbid these photos get out among the parents of the kids at her children's school...or someone at work sees her plastered all over the internet.

 

I think your main problem is that you're expecting commitment behavior out of a married woman who is cheating on her husband (clearly shows commitment isn't her thing). If you're looking for a partner who will respect your specific requirements, you should probably set slightly higher standards for the people whom you date (like requiring that they at least be single for starters).

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I know that you probably love this woman and think that your loving her will change her.

 

But maybe it's time to ask yourself...are you getting out of this relationship what you're putting into it? Are you getting the short end of the stick? Does this relationship add to or take away from your life?

 

Just some food for thought. Good luck, OP.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Married people who cheat are liars by default so you can't really trust anything she tells you.

 

Most likely she and her husband have an open marriage where they can have sex with whom they choose, as long as they don't get serious about it or have to deal with the drama from a lover who gets too serious.

 

You are thinking romance and true love, and this woman is married, flashing everybody in sight, buying fake boobs in her 40s, and having sexual relations with men and women. She is obviously living in more than a shared parenting situation if she is vacationing with her husband and you can only communicate with her via text messages. So she may be lying to her husband, but she is CERTAINLY lying to you to keep you on the string.

 

So she just isn't a candidate for love and romance for you, i'm sorry. She is having some fun sport and sex on the side with you, and your heart will only get broken if you expect her to turn into a loving faithful companion. It just won't happen.

 

Please find someone who is available and not promiscuous.