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College Relationship Problem..Can you relate?


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Hello. I've made posts on here before, but I am looking to gain new insight!


I was with this girl for about 2 months before summer break came at college. Her and I would do a lot of things together. Go out together, share a bed, have sexual moments, etc. We were basically acting like a couple and things were great between us.


The summer came and we decided to not go into it with a title. She left for home and was extremely upset to leave me. Since she left, we have been talking almost everyday together. Things have been upbeat. However, there has been one problem.


Her social life at home is a mess. Her ex boyfriend has been trying to get back together with her for the longest time. They have been broken up since January. He seemed to leave her alone when we had our time at school, but ever since she has been home, he has been blaming drug addictions on her, having his friends yell at her, causing scenes at parties.


They have a lot of mutual friends so she ends up running into him at a lot of gatherings. Some of her friends have made her feel bad for having a new guy (me) when they see her ex is so obsessed with her. People in her town seem to be unwilling to let go of the past.


To make her feel better, I arranged a trip to come visit her this week. I made the plans a few weeks ago to go see her since we are 5 hours apart for the summer.


Here's the twist in the story. 2 saturdays ago, a huge fallout with her ex happened when he tried to kiss her and she slapped him accross the face. She called me upset about it and I tried to make her feel better. The problems with the ex continued for the next few days and it got to the point where I told her that I didn't want to hear about the ex anymore. I would talk to her about any other problem she had, except the ex because it was starting to get ridiculous and no one likes to hear about an ex.


We ended up getting into this huge argument about it. Where she said that I should listen to her problems if it's bothering her. But why listen when she is not doing anything to make it better? She just said "I can't do this anymore. You don't know how I feel. I just want to be friends".


Boom. The fight happened last Wednesday. We didn't talk until Sunday when I called her and told her that I was sorry since I should have been more supportive. Yes, a little crazy I know. And I asked about the trip. She doesn't think it's a good idea if we stay in the same house. It's just mind boggling to here her say this after she was counting down the days till I came.


My room mate lives near her so I told her that I was coming to see him and she said that she would come hang if I were to visit him. I said to her that I could tell that she isn't into this anymore and she just says that she has a lot going on at home right now.


We haven't talked since this conversation on the phone. It's just mind blowing because things couldn't get any better when we were at school. She rarely comes on AIM anymore and if she does, her away messages are always depressing like, "Get me out of here." "I want to go back to school" or just like, "yep"... It's a shame that she has let these problems interfere with us. I haven't even done anything wrong here. What do you think of this situation and what should I do? Obviously I really like her a lot, but the ball is in her court. I just wish she would view the trip as a way for us to reconnect...

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If you were to get annoyed at her for comparing you to her ex the whole time then fair enough, but she isnt! She could get into some trouble from her ex, he could snap and things could get way beyond scenes at parties.


She needs your support, especially when the people she knows at home seem to be more sympathetic to the ex.


Tell her to get the police involved, the ex sounds like a stalker in the making.

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It sounds to me like she may be encouraging all that attention from her "ex." Why is she allowing him to interfere in her life after all this time?


I would not go to visit her at this time if she's giving you this kind of attitude. It also sounds like she's not sure if she wants to let him go or not.


As much as it hurts, I would step back, not contact her, and see what happens.

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