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how do i help someone with death


moneeman
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My girlfriend has had her aunt and grandmother pass away in the last year. Her grandfather is 87 and is dying of prostate cancer now. I know this is very hard for her and she has breakdowns of crying for hours somtimes. I try to make her feel better and I do get her to talk about it occasionally sometimes. It seems to help for a little while when I can get her to talk but, it is hard to do. I have had 3 people close to me die in a year and a half too but she seems to be taking it alot harder than I did. How can I help her? What can I do? I love her and it tears me up to see her keep dwelling on this. The last person that died was 5 months ago but she still keeps thinking about it and crying alot. Does she just need more time? She also says that talking helps but its hard for her to do. She can and does talk about everything and anything very easilly with me except this, she kinda clams up. I need some advice on helping her cope with this.

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Ok it will take time for her to get over the deaths, you just need to be there for her. Keep her close talk to her lissen to her. That will help her the best. We all take death diffrently I my self I have had 6 close friends die in the last two years and I have never cryed for them, the only one that has hurt was the last one but still I havent broke down. There will all ways be death in are life I hate to say that but it is true. I hope that your g/f will start to get over there deaths soon.

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Firstly l think you should go get her to see someone, sometimes talking to people who don'y know who you are can help.

 

Look at all the letters people send on here about ex partners still grieving a year on, there is no time limit for this-time will sort it's self out for her in the end, just be there when she needs you.

 

This year has been so shit for me and l don't know much apart from the fact that life does indeed go on. remembering that has helped me a lot.

l wish her well

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Hello moneeman and welcome to eNotalone,

 

The grieving process is something that is very unique to each person. Some people grieve very openly and publicly. Others prefer to grieve in private.

 

What you can do for her is be available. If she needs you, drop what you are doing and be there for her. It will not always be convenient for you. But when someone is in deep pain from this, it isn't something they can just "do later". They hurt "right now". If she calls you in the middle of the night sobbing, then go see her.

 

It sounds like she has had an extremely difficult year. Dealing with one death is bad enough. Two or three makes it even harder. But, unfortunately it seems that is how it goes. The same year that my father died, I also had my closest uncle die, and then a neighbor that I used to hang out with all the time in my childhood. They all died within months of each other. I don't know what I would have done without my closest friends during that period. I'm positive they kept me from having a complete mental breakdown.

 

Keep an eye on her. If she really starts having a LOT of trouble you may want to point her towards a counselor or physician. This level of stress in her could turn her grieving into a situational depression (different than the mental illness depression). Maybe she would be willing to post on eNotalone? There are many, many of us who have been through what she is going through and we are more than willing to help.

 

Most importantly - LOVE HER. She will draw from your strength and love to keep her going through this period. Put her needs completely first for awhile because she will not be able to serve yours.

 

I wish both of you comfort and healing.

 

avman

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All I can add is help her to live her life and not dwell on it.

 

Take her on walks in nature so that she has a chance to feel alive and enjoy the beauty of life. They say we grieve for ourselves and she is grieving over her loss and she has to see that life goes on.

 

As other people have said, let it all happen naturally by just being an ear for her. I would just suggest that you help her with it by giving her a reason to feel that life is still a beautiful thing. Being outside and living is a way of healing.

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  • 1 month later...

i know what your girlfriend is going through...

i have also had several people very close to me pass away this year, two of my dearest friends committed suicide and a close cousin died of an overdose on drugs. My grandma also has cancer, she is dying of lukemia. Then, last night my best friend lost her baby, she was 7 1/2 months pregnant. i am doing my best to be there for her, to comfort here. All i can say to you is that you are doing everything you can to help her. My boyfriend was awsome through everything, he held me and let me cry, the greiving process for me still istn over and everytime i think about it and start to cry he holds me and lets me stay there as long as i need to. Really, greiving is the only way for her to get over it. Just make sure she know she is not alone and you are always going to be there to help her. No matter what happens in life things wil look up eventually.All this sadness reminde me of my favorite poem.

 

Our friends are like angels,

who brighten our days,

in all kinds of wonderful magical ways.

Their thoughtfulness comes,

as a gift from above,

and we feel we're surrounded,

by warm caring love.

Like upside down rainbows,

their smiles bring the sun,

and fill ho-hum moments with laughter and fun.

Friends are like angels,

without any wings,

blessing our lives,

with the most precious things.

 

 

Right now you need to be her angel.

Good luck to you and her, you are both in my prayers.

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