Clambert

start with a topic that concerned you about you two getting back together, i cant tell you exaclty what to bring up first to not push it since i dont know what your issues were. You just need to get down to it,like tell her that you are glad that you two are talking again and you are totally interested in becoming a couple again , that you have really enjoyed the conversations you have shared in the past weeks and that you'd like to discuss those issues that you have so you two can work on healing your relationship and moving forward. You'd be saying it sweetly and you'd still be getting your point (that your are ready to have "the talk") accross.

If she is really worth it you will take the time to get to know her better, be her friend first, if you really want the relationship to last, if you two ever get together, i can tell you from experience that a friends first relationship will work out better then just asking out someone you dont know. Evidently she isnt too comfortable with dating someone she hardly knows. Give it time.

dont let it drag on, as of right now you are not a couple, even thought it sounds as if you are beginning to act like one again. The talk is much needed, bring it up, but i think it would be better if you two did it in person instead of on the phone. It makes for easier communication, that way you dont misunderstand eachother.

You can handle it. It sounds to me like he was trying to compliment. Miscommunication is a big part of life, but certainly not worth destroying what could possible be a good relationship. You can work on learning how to understand eachother. Miscommunication is a big part of getting to know someone, you have to spend time with him and endure stuff like that to be able to get to know the person better, after you have learned more about him you will learn how to take him... Give it a chance...

I was saying you have a million different options. Yes, i think it would be better coming from someone close to her, but at one time you were close to her. Your right, it is a good idea for them to be there to support every word said since they are the ones who obtained the evidence. I didnt mean to confuse you, i was trying to give you some ideas that may be helpful. sorry. When you do go to tell her just be as nice as you can. that may be hard for her even though it has only been two weeks. the longer you wait to tell her the harder it is going to get. Just dont be surprised if she thinks that you were snooping. I only reccomended going to her sister because i know that sisters are often close, and it is easier to hear news like that coming from a family member. if you did do it that way, your friends could go with her sister to support the information, since she is dating your friend it wouldnt seem weird that they were all there. But go with them regardless, she may need a shoulder to cry on and you could be that shoulder since you were the one who made it a point to make sure she wasnt going to get hurt even though she hurt you.

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well, i am assuming since your friend is dating her sister that your friends sister and his girlfriend are friends as well. Are you tight with your ex's sister? Maybe one of you could talk to her sis, let her know whats going on, i know id believe my sister over anyone. If you and your friend go with her to say something to your ex she may feel like she's being "ganged up on", girls take that kind of information better when it is coming from another girl, having you around may make her feel a bit uncomfortable considering the circumstances. Either way, they know each other and if it were me, i wouldn't go and tell her myself and take witnesses because it would still make you look like you were spying/stalking. But you still need to let her know somehow. So, in my opinion you do have a good idea, ya just may want to rethink it a bit. I could give you about a thousand different ways of going about letting her know, but because i dont know this girl personally i cant tell you how she will react to each situation, just how i would, when i am giving you advice i am trying to relate it to things that have happened in my life. If you are tight with any of her friends maybe one of them can give you the best answer, they would know how she would react if you told her the way you are planning to and if they think it is the best way.

Okay, that is some pretty good evidence, i still say tell her. I am wondering, is this girlfriend of yours that spoke to him a friend of your exgirlfriend? If she is she may take it better coming from her, incase your worried about her being mad. Your friend could tell her exactly what happened, that she saw his pics on the net in the singles or whatever. Sine she is the one who got all the information, she may be able to convince your ex that this guy she is with really is a jerk. With all the evidence you have she could use it to say that you are prying into her life, cause really it does look a little like you were spying. Not to say that you are cause i dont think you are, im just trying to cover every cenario possible. Don't let it play out, you obviously care about her, and with that im sure you dont want her to fall in love and get her heart broken, even if it isnt you she runs to for consolement.

ok yes i definitely thnk you should tell her i stand by that. there will be sides, she may be mad at you at first, but in the end she will be happy that you told her.

I see that alot of the males on this site seem to think that you shouldnt tell her.... Now, as a woman, i really do advise that you tell her, Since your proof is so concrete, If she ever were to find out that you knew and didnt tell her that may cause a problem if you want to stay friends or try and reconcile your relationship. (I am aware that getting back with her may not be your main focus at the moment.) i do however agree with the no contact rule, after you let her know, if she does overreact like i said earlier, no contact is a good idea, especially when she find out for herself that he is cheating, she'll feel bad for not believeing you, i know i sure would.

okay, sounds a little like the situation i had in high school, only i was totallyh head over heels for him, i didnt know how to go about telling him and it took us 2 1/2 years to finally begin dating... Considering that you know that she likes you for sure, and with V-day approaching you should do something totally romantic, sweep her off her feet. If you want to be really sweet, ask her if she wants to hang out on saturday, when you go to pick her up, bring her flowers, right there at her doorstep, give her the flowers and let her know that you are interested in you two being more than just friends, tell her if she accepts that you'd like for V-day to be your first date, then take her out, do something you know she enjoys doing. I know i'd go GAGA over a guy who did that for me.....

Those are great ideas Avman, thank you. i do have this one idea where ya buy 10 candy bars put each one in a diaper and then put it in the microwave to melt it then squish itup with a fork for maximum effect and then the guests have to guess what kind of candy bar is in each diaper and whoever gets the most right wins a prize....

No, i dont thnk that she will forget about you, i dont think anyone ever forgets their first love. My boyfriend, the one i have been referring to is my first love. Yes, i think i can relate to her. I do romantic , out of the blue things for my boyfriend too. No, he rarely if ever does something like that for me but he does show me how he cares in other ways, . She needs to consider that people have their own ways of showing how they feel for one another and just because you dont do it her way doesnt mean that you dont love her any less. Infact i think she is quite selfish, I dont know your age, but if it is your first love maybe you do need to date a while, if it is meant to be she will come back., but dating is a good thing during seperation,especially if you havent dated that much. I have found, in my family life that when someone marry's their first love or whoever and hasnt really had a chance to get out into the world and date and party or whatever, it makes them more apt to cheat in the future. I'm sorry if i made it sound like your girl is a bad person, i just meant that it is a very good possibility that she did cheat. ANy one who has cheated has started off never having a record of cheating, it happens, its a krappy part of life no doubt. I know its hard but dont stress yourself, once she gets out there and dates, she's gonna realize that she screwed up something great, There are few guys in this world worth groveling over and you sound like your one of the good ones. I hope my advice helps!

Sounds to me like you are handleing it the right way. You dont need to cut off all contact, just talking on the phone and texting may be enough to remind him how much he needs you. Your not being selfish, coming out to the people you care about ,takes some time which im sure you know. My friend didnt come out to his parents or close friends until he was 19, and they are just now getting comfortable with it, other than that he has had boyfriends since the time that he was 14. that is a long time to hide a secret. Just be patient with him. He'll come around eventually. he evidently cares alot about you too. Good luck!

First off, my guess is that she may have been cheating on you if it happened as abruptley as it did. If she wasnt then there is no possible way that this woman is in love with another guy that soon. My boyfriend is not in any way romantic, and i am a hopeless romantic. I would never leave him for not getting me roses and stuff like that, i love him too much to care about those foolish gifts. It almost sounds to me like this girl is just going with whoever can give her the most attention at that point and time. She doesnt sound like she is worth groveling over. She evidently has moved on and you should do the same. If she does come back again, chances are good that she will leave you again and again give you the same reasons. If you put forth an effort like that and tried to surprise her out of the blue and such and it still wasnt enough for her then she doesnt deserve you. You should definitely date again, there are tons of women out there looking for a guy just like you. Don't give up, you will find the one you are really meant to be with. Good Luck to you.

You are right... If you tell her she may probably say that you are interfereing in her life, or that you are just saying that because she dumped you and you want her back, even if you do, and if she does say that you should still definitely tell her, If you know that it is absolutely true. Eventually she is going to find out that this guy is cheating on her and although she may not like you for saying it now, she is going to respect you for it later, that may even better your chances of getting back with her. No one ever wants to believe that the person they are with could be unfaithful, i know i would try not to believe it if someone told me that. But, it will put that thought in her head, so she'll be more cautious with her feelings. Hope it works out for you.

Both are equally important... In my case my best friend is my boyfriend. He is the most important person in my life. My friends have always been more important to me than men. My friends are the ones who stick around when things get hard, significant others may not last. Yet, friendships sometimes dont last either. I guess it depends on who is more true, my boyfriend or my friend. Overall, i think friends are more important, you may not be able to be intimate with friends but intimacy complicates relationships. I'd think your question depends on what the situation pretains to. Is there a conflict which causes you to ask this question. Knowing that would help us better answer you question. T

I am having a baby shower for my brother, he is 18 and expecting his first child, a little girl. The woman who is having his baby use to be my best friend ever. I had recently diceded not to associate myself with her in terms of friends. So, since my brother has decided to create a nursery at our home for the baby i thought that a party would be appropriate. He has no idea that we are doing this. I have been planning for about a month or so now but i have no idea what kind of games of entertainment to prepare to fit both sexes. SInce this will be teenagers, male & female & adults too. I would appreciate any ideas that can help me keep this strange crowd happy and entertained...

it's good that you do know that, and really that would be the best thing... when you tell him, since your worried about how he may react just dont go into too much detail. I have found that alot of my friends make that mistake, they tell too much, they say things like, "im infatuated with yo blah blah blah!" and no doubt that will scare a guy, any guy. I wasnt aware that he has had his heart broken nor that he lived so far away. Just know that if it is meant to be it will work out in the end. He may need a little more time to get over his last relationship, and if you two were to start dating and he still had issues pretaining to that old relationship it would cause you two problems in yours.

Email huh? Why not get a card, not just any card, the card that you think best describes how you feel about him, then on the inside you should write something close to what you told us. That you really like him and wouldnt mind having the chance to be more than friends but at the same time you dont want to do anythng that would jeopradize your friendship. "Everything is going great and i dont want to write this nice email to him and its fall apart what should i do?? what should i acutally can say without scaring him away" that is the best thing that you could say to him in my opinion. Mail it to him or drop it by the house so your not around when he does read it, a card is something he can keep as a keepsake. It may make you feel a little weird if he doesnt respond to it but its better for you to tell him how you feel. Guys often i find dont respong right away, remember that they dont mature as fast as we do.... if you dont get it off your chest it will bother you until you do. If you dont tell him it will be hard for you to get over him. I didnt tell the guy i was interested in that i was interested in him for two years, he was my best friend and i couldnt do it. Now we have been together as a couple 2 years in June. Some stories do have happy endings. You just need to be willing to give him time to get use to the idea that you think of him more than a friend.

When my boyfriend and i started dating he didnt talk much, i am loud and outspoken too, infact we never would have dated if i hadnt went up to him.although he was shy and quiet he made it a point to get to know me as well as he possibly could. If you want to talk to her try asking her questions about her. Let her know that you are interested in knowing everything about and that will make for tons of discussion. Once you get to know her better you wont find it so hard to find something to talk about and you wont get dumped again for being so quiet. Hope it works out!

Have you tried telling your co-workers that their questions make you uncomfortable? Try telling them when they ask a question you do not prefer to answer that you prefer not to introduce your personal life into the work place, and that you prefer to keep them as separate as possible. A good co-worker will understand. If that doesnt work for you, try staying busy, so you dont have to conversate with your co-workers and your not giving them the chance to pry. I understand that that may not be an easy thing to do. I wouldnt reccomend going to your boss unless its absolutely necessary, doing that may cause tension between you and your co-workers.

Hickey= suck on her neck until there is a red bruise..... that's simple but sooooo highschool. it kinda shows no cooth, and although you may still be in school it sounds like, it still looks tacky and im sure her parents may not appreciate it. If you two arent ready for french kissing it sounds to me like you may be too young for fooling around period... you two have your whole lives to expirament, dont do it so early. Wait.

I have a boyfriend, we were friends for 2 1/2 years before we ever started dating and the whole time i was infatuated with him. It sounds to me like you are doubting your relationship because you have been hurt before. Recenlty i found myself doubting my relationship, my partner and i dont talk like we use to and we also spend every single day together. I never mentioned it to him, that fact that i may be doubting us. I found that we dont talk like that anymore because we have gottent know every thing there is to know about eachother, and i mean everything. that could be the reason you two dont talk like that, when you see eachother everyday you already know what is going on in each other's lives and how you feel because you are there, i found that spending just two days away from him was enough to remind me how much i love and need him. Instead of spending every waking moment together try spending a few days a week apart, they say absense makes the heart grow fonder, and i have found that that statement is completely true in my case. When you spend some time apart you'll see that you will beging conversating again. Then you may find out whether it is really love or not, give it some time and dont make any rash decisions before you fully explore how you feel. You both need personal space, you'll have plenty of time to be together if and when you get married, i have learned that myself too. It's not exaclty good to live like you are married before you actually are. I hope my experience has enabled to help you in some way.

Thank you both for your replies... Yes, we are currently planning a funeral for the baby, we hadnt yet put the nursery together so she wont have to come home to that thankfully.I have been with he faithfully since she was admitted into the hospital 3 weeks ago. I went to Indiana to pick up our other dear friend and we have all been by her side every step of the way. The hospital had already prepared her a package with a memory box, they made a cemented footfrint and put it in a frame for her along with hand and foot pritns, baby hair and everything else they could think of. Even though he was still born they even made him a little birth certificate for the baby to help her feel better, she had a rough night last night. the doctor told if her baby had lived he probably wouldnt walk and he would have been mentally handicapped, so she is accepting the fact that he is in a better place and if he were here he would have suffered. Her religious upbringing is helping her tremendously, i dont know what i would do in this situation. Thank you for you prayers! **and for your advice, i greatly appreciate it.