A letter you should write your ex to MAKE THEM THINK! It may help get them to want you back! Maybe..

[EddieAdams]

The letter that you SHOULD write your ex that may help you get their attention and help you heal!

 

 

It has to be them that did the breaking up. Especially if you are on "good" terms, meaning the last time you spoke you didn't call them a name.

 

If you are on bad terms....call,email,text....and say that you apologize for acting the way you acted. Right it in a hand written letter and send it through the mail....or type it. In the letter express to them that you agree with the break up. Say, I now understand why we needed to break up....we just weren't getting along and you did us both a favor by ending the relationship....and really mean it when you write it. Say, before you made the final move/decision to break up our relationship, I knew that something had to happen and I had thought of taking some action as well. But, before I had the courage to do anything....you made the first move and it shocked me and came unexpected. I took it much harder then I thought I would, but, you made the right choice....we both need to breath and just be ourselves and work on what we did wrong to make such a great relationship go wrong. So....thank you again and It's my wish that you will accept my apology for reacting the way I have been...but, I now see how logical this choice was for both of us.

 

Again, be good to yourself and maybe we can communicate with each other again some day....the world is a small place.

 

Take care of yourself......"name"

 

I wish my letter sounded that freakin sweet!

 

I'm telling you......it will shock them and make them really think about what you said.....they'll be like "what the hell just happened?!!!!?"

 

In fact......I'll be writing this very letter in about a month....to my ex if she doesn't contact me.

[Mythical_Suicide]

My question is.. why bother?

[EddieAdams]

That's only if you think that you would want them back....why the hell else are we on this site?

 

If you think that you can have a future with them and that they're worth it and you're worth it....go for it. There are alot of people that break up and it didn't have to happen...it may of been the wrong choice and the dumper sticks to it....even though they're not sure....especially if you're begging and crying and acting stupid....or you had done such behavior....it can scare people away...people who may have changed their minds if you hadn't acted that way.

 

My mother and father broke up as teenagers in the 50's and over 10 years later as adults after both had been married and divorced....met up agian and got married years later and had ME! So, sometimes certain relationships are worth it.

[Snoopy24]

That's only if you think that you would want them back....why the hell else are we on this site?

 

If you think that you can have a future with them and that they're worth it and you're worth it....go for it. There are alot of people that break up and it didn't have to happen...it may of been the wrong choice and the dumper sticks to it....even though they're not sure....especially if you're begging and crying and acting stupid....or you had done such behavior....it can scare people away...people who may have changed their minds if you hadn't acted that way.

 

My mother and father broke up as teenagers in the 50's and over 10 years later as adults after both had been married and divorced....met up agian and got married years later and had ME! So, sometimes certain relationships are worth it.

 

I know couples that broke up and got back together as well.

 

The difference is..they didn't have to write a letter to try to convince them to come back.

 

If a couple breaks up, there are issues that have to be resolved. (If both people want to give it another try.)

 

To work it out, you need honesty and a lot of communication. Sometimes even therapy to fix it. A letter to try and get someone back, imo isn't enough and can be very manipulative.

[CarnelianButterfly]

A letter won't magically resolve problems. If the person broke up with them, its probably for a big reason that would need to be fixed before another go would be smart. Without resolution of the issues for the break up, the relationship will fail again. Change is needed, not just flowery words.

[Mythical_Suicide]

A letter won't magically resolve problems. If the person broke up with them, its probably for a big reason that would need to be fixed before another go would be smart. Without resolution of the issues for the break up, the relationship will fail again. Change is needed, not just flowery words.

 

This is true.. Words are only going to do so much. If you two aren't getting back together a pity letter isn't going to change that.

[dream83]

My ex wrote me an email like that. I didn't take him back, and I'm not even thinking about it because the fact remains that his way of thinking and his behavior in general are both very disturbing at times. I can't live with that. No letter will change that.

[pinkelephant]

The best letter I wrote is the ones I never sent. That made them think. Lol.

[arcadefire]

I personally don't think any letter can get an ex back. Especially after they have moved on. Then you've just made a fool of yourself letting them know that they're still on your mind. Best way to get them back: move on. Let them know how successful you'll become and they'll wonder about why they let you go away so easily.

[desi1987]

A letter won't magically resolve problems. If the person broke up with them, its probably for a big reason that would need to be fixed before another go would be smart. Without resolution of the issues for the break up, the relationship will fail again. Change is needed, not just flowery words.

 

This is true. If you have just recently been dumped and the dumper has already moved on..there is nothing that you can say in that letter to make them come back..or to make them "think" about their decision. SAdly, the only thing that letter does is to let them know that you are still thinking about them so much that you would take an hour out of your life to write them. If anything it would serve as an ego boost to the dumper..trust me. I wrote a letter to my ex..FOR ME..but i never sent it. If you have things that you need to get off your chest then write a letter..then preceed to send it thru a paper shredder...DONT SEND IT.

[Addicus]

Sometimes the best thing to say...is NOTHING at all!

[looloolola]

Just curious Eddie how can be so sure the letter would have a positive affect? It kind of sounds like it would make them feel like their decision was good.

[browneyedgirl36]

No offense, but this sounds like one of those letters that one of those "Get Your Ex Back" e-books recommends writing.

 

I agree with the others who said that no letter is going to get an ex back if they don't want to come back. LOTS of people on here have tried writing/saying similar things to exes, with no results (and, in many cases, not even a response).

 

I tried a letter sort of like this one once with an ex -- told him I was sorry he had decided what he had, but that I respected and accepted his decision, let him know that there were no hard feelings, etc. Yes, I did it partly to get him back -- to show him that I could be cool about the break-up and not get all clingy and desperate about it.

Did he want me back? Nope, and he went on and found someone else, too, shortly after he broke things off with me.

 

Honestly, I've learned that the best thing to do -- for me, at least -- is just to leave it alone and trust that MOST break-ups happen for a good reason.

[EddieAdams]

I'm glad you all responded.

 

One of the main reasons to write such a letter is to make yourself feel better. Then, they'll realize that you may not be waiting for them...

I think it can clear the air and make you and your ex become equals again.

It nice to feel as though your ex will think of you in a good way and have respect for you. It's nice to write such a letter for yourself because you gain respect back down deep inside of you as well. So that way you don't see yourself as a victim....and to me...it's a nice feeling to have a person you were going to marry to think of you as a respectful person and not as an emotional reck. Let's be honest, we'll never forget about them....and both of us will always have a place in our hearts for eachother.

 

Sometimes they break up with us before we do them......not because there is someone else, but because you both just are not getting along, and a break up can help you breath and see the other persons good side......if you wind up back together or not. I have no idea what brings someone back, but, what I do see is that you all found the thread's title interesting.

 

What I have discovered is that the only thing that could ever way your options for healing and or your ex to reconsider is to go NC at some point in time.

 

You all have very good points and I respect them all. I've written my letter over a week ago through email and it was long and very positve. It was a thank you letter for all of our great memories and it's a shame we couldn't repair our problems and that maybe one day we can communicate and or be friendly....or be something more someday. I left it in her court. I didn't expect a response....at all. But I received one that said she'd call me when she was "feeling" better. That could mean anything and that was over a week ago. I've gone NC since the 2nd.

 

We all know how horrible it feels when a loved one leaves and goes their separate ways. It can feel as though the person you once loved died....because that person you loved lives in the past....they're a ghost. It hurts like hell....you feel disappointment, failure, unreachable dreams, and confusion. But, it's okay for someone to believe that maybe......just maybe.....if you leave them alone that they may change their minds. Most of the time they don't....but being realistic and living your day to day life while thinking good thoughts of what you had with that person can be helpful until the pain hurts a little less and if someone new happens to come along. Life is confusing, and sometimes things happen for a good reason. But, the road to reaching your final destination is full of heart ache and failure.....and when it happens to "the One" .....it can make healing a little more diffacult. But, I guess if there was a break up....they were not the one.....and if they were........it was nice while it lasted.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you are missing the point, though. Instead of coming up with a well crafted letter to get them back, you should really look at why they left. If you truly want that person back, you will have to do something more than a letter to put things right. You are going to have to change.

 

I honestly think this letter is a manipulation, its smoke and mirrors hiding the real reasons behind the relationship's failure. Its playing on your ex's emotions, essentially trying to use their guilt against them. It's a cheap shot, especially if its some construct of plug this thought in here, add this "thank you" there, and yadda yadda yadda. It means nothing if there isn't any heart behind it.

[EddieAdams]

I haven't lost the point. I did nothing wrong.....she did nothing wrong. I wasn't a jerk to her.... I believe she got "cold feet" before we were married. She and I were having finacial trouble which caused stress....which was external and caused internal stress which caused arguments, thusly doing harm to our intimacy. .....she just wasn't willing to communicate and or work on it..... The letter does have meaning and heart behind it. I do love her and that's why you just give up the fight....the fight for the life of the relationship. Sometimes when you give up.....they look at everything differently. Then, if they say they wish to "get back together"...then you can work on the issues....but, when a break up first happens and or is in Limbo because of constant contact, the "dumper" usually doesn't want to reason.

 

When external forces start to effect your relationship.... you have to communicate and understand that you must not allow "those" thins to sneak their way in and hinder your relationship's dynamics.... "Those" things did, but, she just wanted to cut and run. It happens. She and I were in limbo for 4 months and we finally had a huge fight because of being on the fence, which can be extremely painful for both parties. One wants to rush things and one wants to take things slow, it's going to explode at some point.....and it finally did. I was serious when I thanked her.....we've been on good terms since the first "break up" ......then when this one happened...... it was really hard..... it really feels over now. So, to this woman I love, I thanked her for my memories.......I'm also thankful that if she really knew we had no future that she would finally end it......but, if she's not sure, then I would want her to take time to think about it.

 

I feel I was manipulated for 4 months of being in Limbo......I don't think a thankful letter is manipulative in the least.....what I was saying was......sometimes what you resist it persists! The more you beg and ask someone to take you back the more they pull away. When you finally accept it and go NC....then if the person that made the final choice to break up can really think.....with out you breathing down their neck. If they are sure of their choice....so be it.....but, if then they can see things without you CRYING and BEGGING and they see that you have a future....so be it.

 

But, the more you resist something that is happening which is out of your control, the harder it is for YOU. If you give up and realize that it's out of your control.....the clearer the situation will become for YOU, and perhaps another human being making a choice of ending a relationship.

 

PERSPECTIVE.....

[looloolola]

I agree with you Eddie

[Mythical_Suicide]

I'm glad you all responded.

 

One of the main reasons to write such a letter is to make yourself feel better. Then, they'll realize that you may not be waiting for them...

I think it can clear the air and make you and your ex become equals again.

It nice to feel as though your ex will think of you in a good way and have respect for you.

 

This also leaves you open to have your heart crushed again when they don't respond or come running back. So many people have been there and done that and in the end they end up hurting even more because they sent the letter with intentions deep down that it would sway their ex's opinion back to wanting to be with them. It doesn't clear the air, it doesn't make you become equals again it makes them wonder how desperate you really are and the lengths you would go to try and get them back. Not a good thing.

[ScenicBoy]

I don't think things are so black-and-white all the time. Yes - the majority of the time I think remaining in NC to move forward is the best course for a multitude of reasons. However, there may be those unique situations where a respectful acknowledgement of mistakes made, apologizing for pain caused, and positive memories is not so bad. If it's done in a "Thank you - I'll always appreciate what once was - Best wishes" vain with no attempt to provoke guilt or pressure, then that be ok.

 

Doing something that is genuinely respectful and considerate can't be all bad. If the sender has no expectations, I'm not sure the harm.