Can't get him out of my head!! Help!

[teema]

I thought that I was fine with my ex not returning my call, but I can't get him out of my head now! I'm just really hurt that he's ignoring me now after being the one who asked for me to return his calls and email. I think that it's bugging me more because I don't know if it's because he doesn't care about me anymore and just isn't thinking about me because he's having a fabulous time with her or they're on vacation, or if he's playing a game and isn't returning my call because I didn't respond to his email but responded to his best friend's email immediately.

 

I know that he's pulling me along on this string, and apart of me knows that i have to let go, but the other part doesn't want to. Is it okay to be friends with your ex 3 months after a breakup? I'm still in love with and I don't want to lose him, but it hasn't been healthy for me lately and I think that I'm on the brink of obsession (wondering if he's thinking about me, checking my email constantly, adding a tracker to my myspace to see if you has stopped by)

 

I hate men, really. The whole lot of them. Four weeks after we broke up, the ex had the nerve to call me and ask if I could help him with a resume in English. I said okay, asked what for. He said that he was applying to a job in an english speaking country. Then, he had the balls to say, "I'm glad you're okay with it, I thought that you would have been upset because of our plans." Then it clicked in my head. I asked, "Why? Is she going with you." He said, "Well, of course. I hope so." I broke down and felt like wounds that weren't healed yet got sliced back open again.

 

I couldn't believe that he thought that it would be okay to bring this to my attention voluntarily when he and I had the same exact plan of moving to another country together before we broke up. I felt and still feel like a got replaced, and in less then 2 weeks mind you.

 

Stupid, arrogant men. Sorry for the vent. I went from sad to angry really quick.

[Reilly2856]

If he can replace you in 2 weeks then he is clearly not for you. Friendship with an ex is not always easy to maintain. It will be more difficult for you because you still love him. At this stage, it would be best to distance yourself from him. That includes taking time away from your myspace and obessessing over whether he is/is not thinkng about him. There is a reason why you two broke up and from his recent behaviour, it seems very much like he is trying to string you along. Not to mention that he uses you. You should've told him NO when he asked for your help on his resume. YOu really owe him nothing after this break-up. When you start to stand up for yourself, he will realize that he can't push you around and will start to respect you rather than just walking all over you. Lastly, don't let this one experience make you hate all men in general. Not every guy is a jerk. It was your ex's decision to act a certain way....other guys had nothing to do it. So, why would you hold the rest of the male population responsible for an act your ex made? Be open to the idea that there are good men out there. And you will find one for yourself...give it time.

[teema]

Thanks Reilly. I just got even more devastating news today and since the last time I posted more things have occurred. He emailed me yesterday and said that "he hopes that I reply because I am someone who he appreciates very much" then he went on to tell me about his work and vacation time this summer. I decided that I would reply in a short, two-sentence email the next day saying that I am fine...but, I found out today by looking at his new girlfriends profile that they are now living together.

 

I didn't think that it would've bothered me so much, but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and tears started to well up in my eyes and I couldn't make it stop. I felt used, betrayed and replaced. It's the most horrible feeling in the world. After the tears stopped, all I felt was pure anger welling up in my body. How can he just let her move in after 3 months? It's unreal to me and makes me feel terrible to know that he could move on that quickly, like what we had meant absolutely nothing.

 

I have no desire anymore to contact him. I think that the hate has taken over and all the respect I had for him dissipated. I hope that this will help me move on and I don't have to keep posting on here about my pathetic love life and obsession with someone who doesn't love me.

 

Thanks for the advice. You're right on and I appreciate it.

[audrey28]

a paragraph from link removed may apply to you:

"When you tell someone else that you need them to give YOU something so you can have closure, you have given them power over your life and your healing that they do not deserve. The person who hurt you cannot give you closure…nor should you want them to or expect them to or give them that kind of power. You need to move on from where you are FOR YOU no matter what they say or do."

[teema]

Now I'm debating deleting him from my myspace. He never changes his profile so I don't stalk him on there or anything. I set up the account for him so that we could communicate but he only goes onto myspace to look at my profile now. He never emails or comments. He just checks up on me, I guess.

 

I'm not going to email him, call him or text him...but I'm not sure if I should delete him from my myspace. A part of me wants him to look at my page and for him to see how great I look and how not depressed I am about him, but the other part just wants to cut him off all together and by deleting him I'd be sending a huge message because he won't be able to see my profile.

 

I've been reading different threads and some people say that ex's may end up missing the other person when they're not around and realize what they gave up. I know that this won't happen a lot the time, so I guess I'm afraid that I'll delete him and he'll forget about me.

 

A friend told me to delete him and it'll drive him crazy to not be able to see what's going on in my life and he will only be able to see the new profile pics I put up.

 

What do you guys think?

[gemini6686]

DELETE HIM!coz after that everytime you get tempted to look at his profile you wont be able too and that will force you to move on...to an extent...he's not a part of your life anymore..he WAS a part of your life...and you dont need to know what's going on with him anymore for your own good because he has obviously moved on while you still havent...

[teema]

DELETE HIM!coz after that everytime you get tempted to look at his profile you wont be able too and that will force you to move on...to an extent...he's not a part of your life anymore..he WAS a part of your life...and you dont need to know what's going on with him anymore for your own good because he has obviously moved on while you still havent...

But that's the point. I don't look at his profile to see what's going on in his life! He doesn't do anything to it or change anything. I'm his only friend on myspace. He only goes on to check my page! So, the question is, should I let him have free reign to see what's going on in my life?? I have no way of stalking him online, except his new girlfriends weird foreign friend site which doesn't tell me much except their "together" and now she moved in with him.

[arcadefire]

I suggest that you block him since you've gone into cyber stalk mode and put in a tracker and such to see if he's checking on you. You don't need to know whether or not he is. You won't move on that way.

 

You can't be friends with him now. Or ever really. He has moved on and you haven't. It's best to go completely NC, don't talk to him, don't help him on his resumes, don't call, no replying to his, etc. And do not look at his new girlfriend's website either. You won't get any closure that way! The only thing you need to tell yourself is that he has moved on and so will you.

[teema]

Thanks. I think that I'll do it. It's just really hard to actually press the delete buttom. Also, I'm not sure if I should respond to his email and ask him not to contact me? In the forum, some say to do NC and tell your ex. But, I don't even want to talk to him because I feel like I'll get sucked back in. I don't even want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I need to not talk to him to deal with the break up. I don't want to look weak and pathetic in his eyes. I want to at least keep my pride. But, I also don't want to come off as a b****. Is it bad if I just drop of the face of the earth and not tell him that I'm NC'ing. I just don't want to be as hurtful as he was to me. And, I don't want it to appear that I'm bitter and angry or anything. Man, this is difficult. So, if I delete him, would it send any negative signals or am I overanalyzing this?

[wizard71]

to over analyise is natural. If you look at the facts i think you know what to do. He has made his life choice, now press the delete button. I deleted everything i could think of with my ex before this one, and it helped no end. Initially it was hard, but it was well worth it, trust me. Its a shame that being in this situation again i havent followed my own advice. But this time she hasnt run off with another man.

Peace to you

[Reilly2856]

Why are you so worried about being hurtful to someone who has hurt you so much? Not to mention, someone you really don't want to have anything to do with anymore. You owe him no explanation. Do NC without contacting him. In fact, by not responding to his email, you will be sending him a clear message that you don't even deem him important enough to respond to his attempt at contacting you. The way I see it, when someone hurts you...you really don't owe them a thing. If he thinks that you're being a b***** by not responding to him, then let me think that. Why does it matter anyways? The only opinion that matters is of those people who actually care about you...not those that hurt you.