The [color=red]* [/color][color=red]* [/color][color=red]* [/color][color=red]* [/color][color=red]* [/color] Factor

[allypally]

I am posting this particular thread out of curiosity and would be interested to hear the points of view from the men who post on this site and read the posts.

 

Firstly, the ' * * * * * ' isn't nasty in fact she is a lovely person. She is someone who speaks her mind in her relationship, is confident, won't let her man walk all over her, isn't needy or insecure, would walk away at the drop of a hat if the terms weren't favourable to her. She doesn't initiate 'sappy' relationship talks with her man, her actions speak louder than words and he gets the message straight away. She refuses to live with him until they are engaged or married. She earns her own living and happily pays her way, she looks good and he is proud of her.

 

Then there is the woman who wants intimacy with her man, she wants to get close to him by 'talking' to him and has initiated convos with him, he is a closed book and says it would be difficult for him to change in that way, she earns a living, happily pays her way, has loads of get up and go, has her insecurities, is confident in most areas of her life but not all and is working on those, she does speak her mind, refuses to live with him until they have made a more serious commitment. She is not a doormat.

 

Which woman would you prefer?

[d24]

they look exactly the same (?)

[allypally]

OK, forget the whole 'package' part of each person, but what is your view on women who initiate relationship convos, with the aim of getting closer to their man/reach a better understanding??

 

Underneath it, are you laughing at us when we want to 'talk' to you, or do you like it when we want to talk to you and want to work things out with you?? Why is it guys don't like having these convos that women like to initiate??

[d24]

You mean the 'where are we going' or the 'how close were you to your father' type questions?

Personally they make me feel uncomfortable and I've been with my gf for nearly 3yrs now.

 

I dislike talking about touchy-feely-emotional stuff as a general rule, and wished my girlfriend could talk with me about something that does't involve emotions or the future.

 

Is that what you meant?

[15 Storeys High]

When I'm ready to talk about personal things I will offer the info myself. I don't like being rushed or forced into talking about personal things. Sometimes women move too quickly onto uncomfortable topics and they don't get the hint that I don't want to talk about it because I'm just not at that place yet. It's nice they care but jeez, let me breathe.

[allypally]

Yes, this is what I meant only what is confusing is that my bf has initiated everything to do with the future.

 

He wanted to meet my parents, and for me to meet his mother - this seemed to go fine.

He wanted to go on holiday with me but until we have a stronger relationship, no can do.

He has mentioned wanting to move in together but I have said this isn't an option as I live with a friend.

He has even mentioned wanting to spend the rest of his life with me - I semi-freaked out and wondered how serious he really was. He says I am the centre of his life etc. but I still take such comments with a pinch of salt.

 

I have never mentioned the future, other than the fact that I am emmigrating (with or without him).

 

He is the one who has been very emotional etc etc and told me all of his woes.

 

I just wondered whether my initiating of such convos would seem such a bad thing.

[allypally]

And the other strange thing, is that he wants someone he can 'talk to', be open with, communicate with as he has never had that in previous relationships. He is very closed, so I don't know how this would work given that most men don't like having 'talks' that make them feel suffocated etc. He has admitted to being closed anyway.

[15 Storeys High]

Do you like it?

[allypally]

Do I like what? The fact that he wants to be able to talk to me? yes I do.

 

But then I feel uncomfortable initiating convos since its generally thought that guys aren't into the touchy feely thing of having 'talks'.

[15 Storeys High]

If you like it and he does too then I don't see the problem. Why worry about general stuff? It doesn't apply to your relationship. He initiates things and said he wants to talk.....so talk.

[allypally]

Well he is uncomfortable about 'talking', and I don't want to turn him off or seem 'needy' etc by wanting to talk to him about things that matter.

 

We are in a serious relationship, but intimacy is missing from the relationship because we don't 'talk'. He isn't an open person at all, and I don't want to force him to open up, but some things cannot be left unsaid if you know what I mean.

[15 Storeys High]

But he's told you he wants to talk. He wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it. If you have things to say then say them. Just don't say them all once and bombard him with everything. And choose your moment wisely.....

[ghost69]

i think i'd want a combo of both. there is not one or the other when i date a woman. i want it all.