Where do i go from here..?

[dna]

I was just wondering if i could get some advise from others.... i have been depressed my whole life the only person who made happy was my grandmother, who passed away 6 years ago, ever since her dath my life has become a downward spiral that just keeps getting worse. not only do i feel depressed and sad everyday i keep it bottled up inside so no one will know. I always think about killing my self to end all the pain but i dont want to leave my parents with any burden. i feel like no one wants me around and my family has told me multiple times to just kill myself, especially my sister. i dont really have any friends, the only one i did have was my cousin but she no longer wants to be friends with me because my sister has drove her away. now i feel like im all alone in this world. i dont know why they hate me so much i try my best to be a good kid. I dont do drugs, i work full time to pay for school and all my expenses, i am a straight A student in pre med school and i get told all the time that i am an attractive girl. i just want to make them happy so i can be happy for once. i really cant take it anymore and i am just wondering what others would do in my situation or how should i deal with this...maybe killing my self is the best option.

[CaptainNapalm]

You are obviously very accomplished academically and you're a good person so if your family is treating you as you say and telling you those things then there is something obviously very wrong with them. What I would recommend is to remove yourself from them since they are so harsh to you and start surrounding yourself with more positive people. Get out there and make some friends. Surround yourself with good people, there are good people out there you know. It may just take a little effort on your part to find them. Good luck!

[dream83]

I agree. Sometimes being aroung family isn't the best thing for a person. I find it difficult to get along with my mother if we're living in the same city for similar reasons. As long as there is a bit of space between us we're fine. But, if I'm around too much all I hear from her is what's wrong with me, how I'm such a failure, etc. etc. (and I was never in trouble, got good grades, the only one of the kids to graduate university so far, went to law school...). The only thing that helped me cope was to absolutely ignore what I was hearing at home and to get as far away as I could. My friend was telling me just the other day that sometimes being around good, successful people brings out the bad side in others because they have underlying jealousy, resentment, or whatever. But, you have to remember that it's their problem, not yours.

 

Anyone who makes you feel like dying is clearly a toxic person and you don't need them in your life. Sadly, sometimes toxic people can be our own relatives. Just try to ignore them, get out on your own, keep doing things you're good at and try to make some positive friends. Maybe you could do volunteer work and meet more positive people that way or join a study group at school.

[Urbanbilly]

I say you're too young and there are still too many opportunities in life for you to bail right now. Look at it this way: you can always kill yourself. It's not like it will ever be too late to die, but you may miss out on something great if you go too soon. On the bright side everybody dies eventually, so it's not like you can hang around too long either. Why not live while you have the option? Things might just get interesting again.

[novaseeker]

If you have been depressed for quite some time, you have been suffering from a serious illness. That illness needs to be treated -- you can, with treatment, conquer depression and lead a whole, full life again.

 

Your family members who are recommending the path you've stated are toxic for you -- you need to separate yourself from them to the extent that you can. You suffer from an illness, and you need to have that illness treated as seriously as you can, and separate yourself from these toxic influences.

 

You have so much going for you -- you are young and bright, and you have a bright future, potentially. You may not see that, but then that is the illness talking to you, preventing you from seeing things as they are.

 

Don't let the illness beat you. You are young and strong. You can beat it, if you pick up the tools and fight it. You have much to fight for -- go ahead today and take the first steps to beat the illness that is bringing you down and distorting your view of life. Beat the illness, reclaim your life and embrace the bright future that is yours to live.

[dna]

Thank you for the advise... and i have thought about maybe if i didnt live with them things would not be so bad. unfortunately i am not allowed to move out or even go away to college, they told me the only way i could leave is if i get married. So i guess im pretty much stuck in this situation... as you can see why i have tried to find an alternate form of peace.

[Urbanbilly]

Thank you for the advise... and i have thought about maybe if i didnt live with them things would not be so bad. unfortunately i am not allowed to move out or even go away to college, they told me the only way i could leave is if i get married. So i guess im pretty much stuck in this situation... as you can see why i have tried to find an alternate form of peace.

 

What country are you in? If it's anywhere in the western world you can leave the moment you can afford to, and it sounds like you can already if you're paying for school and living expenses. Move away and take ownership of your own life. It is YOUR life and you deserve happiness, but you have to reach out for it. Get away from these people--they do not own you.

[yakikay]

i too am suicidal for something i did stupidly.. i aggravated my acne by NOT THINKING ENOUGH!! or IS IT bec. of BDD. but nonetheless I did soething that i would forever regret... cause acne to my already acned face... all the more that i am in deeply low self-esteem... but im trying to push my self up... slowly but surely im getting by by not thinking about it much... i get depress the moment i wake up remembering that i did it. but ill heal... it will heal... it just would take time..

PRAY.

TAlk to other people who are WISE. (meaning have been through a lot)

Divert to sports or music.

love yourself.

no one will love you but you.

eat veggies and fruits it lessens the deprssion.

seek help from an expert. i love you. because i feel your pain. just like me

[Sky_Ronin]

I'm sorry to hear that you've lost your grandmother. It's never easy to lose a love one. Well, it seems your family isn't giving you any happiness or freedom, so it's best if you detach yourself from them and move out. Spread your wings and fly away from the nest. The time to take flight is now. Time is of the essense.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi there DNA,

 

First let me say, killing yourself is the LEAST best option.

 

Things may seem grey and from what you've said have done for some time. Like one of the previous posters said you can get something from the doctor for this but a natural herbal remedy is St. John Wort. You can get it in most health food stores. It takes about a month to kick in so give it a chance.

 

you know, sometimes, your family for whatever reason arent your friends, and vice versa, your friends become your family. Its whatever your definition of 'family' is.

 

When we are born we all assume our parents and siblings love us and want the best for us, but you know what? theyre just human, and full of human failings like everyone else. We all say things we dont mean during a row and theyre no exception.

 

You say your doing great at school and an A student, paying your way yourself and keeping your nose clean and staying out of trouble. Do you even know how hard it must be for your sister to live up to that? have you thought she might actually be trying to knock you off your pedestal because she feels she cant climb that high? Jealousy does strange things to people!

 

Your focusing on what your sister and cousin say and do and have barely acknowledged that your fellow students and others tell you how great you are. We all do that, ignore the good comments and focus on the negative ones, but I think you should read your message again and see how you as a person appear to others.

 

I dont know you ok? but heres how you appear to me from your post:

 

Concientious, Hard working, Likeable, genuine, clean living, Intelligent, Attractive and Honest.

 

I'm pretty sure that the people who actually know you think the same and can add a few more.

 

your self esteem seems to have taken a bad knock, but you can get it back. Recognise your own personal achievement of getting into pre med school and financing this yourself, thats a BIG achievement... and YOU did it.

 

Lift your spirits, your doing good! watch a few funny movies and be around people who acknowledge your good points and reinforce your self belief. Choose to ignore the comments of your family members who are negative, its THEIR issue and they have to deal with it.

 

Chin up girl, its all good!

 

oh and last thing.. {{{{big cuddle}}}}

 

Hope x