My intro & what not

[Stea]

About 2 weeks ago, my relationship of 2 years ended. Summary - I had dealt with his obsession with porn and women in general. Became accepting of the fact that he is a man and all. We fought long and hard over it but I did eventually come to terms and just let him have his way. Then I learn of an email he sent to an 18-year-old who we both know, asking for 'inappropriate' photos. {I'm 33 - he's 40.} I flipped. I was done. I need a man who's devoted to me and me only. Not someone who appears to have an addiction to porn.

 

After I ended it, I froze. He was the only man I've ever been with who actually talked of a future with me. He wanted me to have his baby. He wanted to marry me. He promised that we'd have a son. I understand the promise is reaching a bit far, but no one - NO ONE - has ever talked about such a plan for the future with me.

 

So now I struggle with the 'what if's.' What if I never said anything about the email? What if I didn't act so harshly? What if what if what if?

 

I'm overly emotional to start. Live with depression / bipolar. This has just torn me to pieces. I come up with a new mantra every few days to try and get me by, like 'no one is worth my happiness and sanity.' Sometimes it works - sometimes it doesn't.

 

What the hell? Why did this have to happen? This truly bites.

 

So hi. I'm Ste||a. Broken, yet working on mending my heart again. I'll be reading up on posts to try and pull what I can from them to help. And of course any input is truly appreciated. Thanks.

[Daligal83]

Welcome Stella!!

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It really does sound like you made the right decision. You had clear evidence that he wasn't treating you right and you obviously have a lot of respect for yourself and KNOW that you deserve better.

 

Whenever you start the "what ifs" think of this. What if you stayed? What if you spend the next 10, 15, or 20 years of your life constantly worrying if he's being faithful? What if you spent all that time feeling that you're not enough? What kind of life is that? So in response to your what if moments, be thankful that you got out before you were married.

 

You will find another guy that wants all of that with you and will treat you right as well. I broke up with a guy that wanted to marry me too and he didn't even do anything wrong to me. But I don't question it because I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with the wrong person.

[Stea]

Thanks Dali image removed.

 

Yes, people - mainly family - keep saying thank God this happened before we got married or had a kid. Dunno. Never been in that situation before so it's difficult for me to compare.

 

Thank you very much for the input!

[Haven]

I had dealt with his obsession with porn and women in general. Became accepting of the fact that he is a man and all. We fought long and hard over it but I did eventually come to terms and just let him have his way.

 

The fact that he's male is no excuse at all for his obsession with porn and women. There are plenty of men (most men, in fact) who are NOT obsessed with porn and women. He should have been the one to "come to terms" and give up his obsession, not you.

 

Imagine if you did had a son. Your future husband would probably have been ogling his son's friends/girlfriends and maybe even hitting on them. Etc. You would not have had the healthy relationship/marriage/family that you're probably envisioning. It's good that this ended now rather than later, before it could affect your future children.

[Maree79]

Hi Ste||a. I have an ex from way back that had a porn obsession. It became so overly ridiculous that it was the main reason we split - I found out afterwards he had numerous affairs. I wasn't surprised at all, he was constantly flirting with other women and thought strippers & porn stars were some form of goddesses.

 

I don't shed a tear over this one - never have.

 

There are plenty of wonderful men out there to fall head over heals for. I'm sure you will find one that not only loves you but can support you through your struggles with depression / bipolar. Don't struggle with the what-ifs, because you made the right decision. Keep up the mantras - write them out & stick them on your mirror.

[Litgirl01]

His actions were completely inappropriate! I commend you for realizing that you deserve better than that. I know how painful it is to lose someone you love....hang in there! (((hugs))) It does get better in time!

[Stea]

Imagine if you did had a son. Your future husband would probably have been ogling his son's friends/girlfriends and maybe even hitting on them. Etc. You would not have had the healthy relationship/marriage/family that you're probably envisioning. It's good that this ended now rather than later, before it could affect your future children.

Now that's something I never thought of. I'm going to try and remind myself of that over and over. Thank you.

There are plenty of wonderful men out there to fall head over heals for. I'm sure you will find one that not only loves you but can support you through your struggles with depression / bipolar. Don't struggle with the what-ifs, because you made the right decision. Keep up the mantras - write them out & stick them on your mirror.

Thank you for the reassurance. Perhaps along with the mantras, support from strangers will help as well lol.

It does get better in time!

But COME ON! It's been 2 weeks already! lol

Thank you.

[Litgirl01]

It's been 2 1/2 months for me! It still stings...but it's better than the two week mark! ;-) You will be fine...still have your sense of humor!

[Stea]

Thank you and thank you.

 

I truly look forward to the time when I'm interested in dating again. I mean, the best way to get over one dirt bag is to find another, amirite?