How do I fix this so that we can be friends?

[transam]

Oh boy, this could be very long, but instead of giving all the info, I will make it short.

 

I ( 18 ) met this girl (20 yrs old) a few months back on a forum we both visit. It was unintended, but eventually we talked for hours to each other almost everyday, and became attached to one another. We were friends on Facebook, talked / texted, etc. We both admitted we thought each was very attractive, etc. Sounds OK, right? Well she has a very very serious BF so eventually, he found out, and now we aren't talking anymore (though we both want to). Note, none of this 'attachment' was intended, it just slowly happened, even though I didn't want that since I knew she was in a relationship.

 

OK, last time I talked to her was a month ago. She was sad and told me she'd contact me in a while and let me know what is going on. (one time she told me she cried after we hung up)

 

So, even though we were flirting, more or less, and all this went haywire, I really miss talking to her (lately I can't get her off my mind, I literally think about her most of the day). Now, I really just want to be friends and have occasional emails to each other talking like normal friends. Since the blowout, she has deleted her Facebook, never logged into Skype, and I haven't heard from her. On the phone she did say she deleted Facebook b/c she knew if she had it she would talk to me/wouldn't be able to stop herself.

 

So, what should I do? I honestly just want to be friends, nothing more. Should I just drop an email in a week or two and just say this, or will that be weird? I know she wants to talk to me but I think since I am holding off, she may think I am not interested in her anymore (friend wise). The reason I am clinging so badly is that we both opened up to each other so much, and now that we ceased talk and she 'vanished', I basically feel betrayed. We talked about this and she says she understands and feels the same but she must stop if she wants to heal her relationship.

 

Ok, even though that seemed long , it was a SUPER condensed version, I may post the whole story later.

Thanks for any help.

[greywolf]

Hi transam. Here's the deal. If she really wanted to talk to you, she would. Sure she may be sad, but ultimately she is choosing not to talk to you. If you really want to be her friend, then you'll respect her decision.

[orangesoda]

This is another good example of why you have to respect boundaries when you're in a relationship. She was wrong for starting an emotional affair with you, because it harmed the relationship she had with her long-time BF. And when she got caught, well, look what happened. Love triangles are stupid because everyone loses out in the end. She lost, he lost, you lost.

 

Now she has to repair her BF's trust, he has to live with the consequences of her actions, and you're on the outside looking in.

 

I think that if you truly just want friendship, then leave them alone. Trying to be in her life while she's working things out with her BF is going to harm her. Take the higher road here and find someone else.

[transam]

greywolf: Thanks, you are right about that. It's just so hard to do, but I will do it. I won't do anything and just wait (or not) for her to email me/contact me.

 

orangesoda: Well it's not a love triangle because neither of us are in love with another, I wouldn't even go as far as a crush since we don't 'know' each other. But I know your point.