Dumper's Only..

[islandj]

How do you feel after breaking up with someone? Do u grief as well? Is it as horrible as being "dumped". Do you miss the other person?

 

Just wondering.. my ex started casual dating within days of the break-up not sure if this is a new way of "coping" or if he had moved on a while ago, I wonder if he misses what he had even a bit..

 

Is the grass greener on the other side?

[thegirl_00]

I think it depends on the way the relationship ended, but there is no real way to find out unfortunately.

[arcadefire]

Coming from a dumper who dumped my ex because long story short, after I confessed to him that I loved him, he told me that he "does not feel like he is in love." Read my first thread for the long story.

 

I felt absolutely horrible because I loved him. If the dumper does not love the other, then I could imagine it being so easy. But not in my case. I have a feeling that my ex is moving along quite quickly despite me breaking up with him, but in my heart I knew that he dealt the first rejection by not reciprocating my love.

 

I went through all the stages as if I was the one being dumped. I wanted so desperately for him to contact me, call me, but I knew that he wouldn't because letting go of me was so easy for him. I missed him incredibly. I still miss him now.

 

Your ex probably did not love you as much as you loved him, or he/she wasn't that invested in the relationship so that's why they could move on faster. In general, it depends on the situation whether or not the dumper is in a better state than the dumpee. It really boils down to who was more emotionally invested than the other.

[Nixee]

Well... every situation is different, and I'm sure there are many cases where the dumper doesn't feel as much remorse or pain as the dumpee... but oftentimes the dumper takes things very hard and has had to make a very difficult decision.

 

I was in this position a few months ago:

 

 

It is probably "easier" to move on as the dumper simply because, as the one who initiates things, you see it coming and you have already made the decision to take the time to heal and move on. thereforeeee... there is no real period of denial to go through.

 

The dumpee sometimes is left reeling and going through that denial period... sometimes for a very long time... while they hold on to things and try to regain what has been lost.

 

But in either case, there is often pain, and there is often loss.

[looloolola]

Nixee would you ever take him back one day? Do you have that thought that "maybe one day" ??

[Nixee]

Nixee would you ever take him back one day? Do you have that thought that "maybe one day" ??

 

I've had those thoughts before, yeah... but that is mostly based on the fact that he really did treat me so well when we were together. Whether I would grow to really feel "in love" with him like I should be.... I can't say.

 

Kinda a moot point now though, as I recently found out he's moved on to a rebound thing, and his new girlfriend has forbidden him from talking to me, not too surprisingly I guess.

 

That is the other price dumpers pay.... you gotta be the "bad guy"... even if you don't feel like it.

[shygirl1212]

Hey,

 

I was the dumper and it has been extremely difficult for me. Unfortunately my relationship ended due to a lot of hurtful things done by my ex (especially his dishonesty).

 

I have been hurting so bad and had a lot of feelings of confusion, sadness & guilt.

 

The grass is not green on my side at all...BUT I do really and truly feel that I did the "right" thing.

[kuiks8]

I was also the dumper and I definitely am grieving the loss of my marriage and the dream that that was but at the same time i know I did what needed to be done...

[robert-45]

This is my first post here from April 2008:

 

Who else has had delayed grief that hit hard?

 

We had built a pretty nice life, but then things got pretty rocky. We'd argue a lot. We went to counseling for about half a year. It didn't seem to help. I thought she was wrong and should apologize and change. She thought I was wrong and should apologize and change. We have two kids. They were 10 and

6 at the time. Now, they are almost 8 and almost 12.

 

Then, thinking my life would be better, I announced that I was moving out and did so later that day to a hotel. I then bought a condo behind my wife's back and moved there. She then filed for a divorce. I felt guilty and agreed to pay very generous support, support I could not afford. I wanted her to keep the nice house for the kids. A placement schedule was established giving me the kids 3 days a week. I was the fun dad. Furnishing and decorating the condo. Eating out. Whatever the kids wanted.

 

On my days without the kids, I dated. I got involved in a 6 mo. relationship pretty fast, then a 2 mo. one, then just lots of dates. I wasn't looking back. I wasn't evaluating what I did or reconsidering in the least.

 

A year and a half later, the bottom fell out. I realized what debt I had built up. I realized that the condo was not a good place for the kids. I missed my wife, the old house, the old neighborhood, how things were. I desperately wanted to have the family intact again. I apologized unequivocally. I sought reconciliation. But, she had moved on. She was still angry and didn't trust me.

 

I've sunk into a pretty deep depression. I'm getting help, but I haven't turned the corner yet. The divorce is still pending and it's getting kind of ugly. I just wish we could work things out. I feel that my relationship with my kids is deteriorating with my depression. I have money problems that I had buried my head in the sand about that are haunting me now. I may not be able to sustain my 15 yr. old law practice. I'm feebly attempting to keep what I've got, but I fear losing even more: my kids, my career. It's bad, really bad.

 

I'm so angry at myself. I wish I had thought harder about how things might be in the long run. I feel I was impulsive. I can't stand it.

[prettybutterfly]

have any of you dumper's ignored texts or calls from your ex's and then regretted it?

[prettybutterfly]

Aww thanks kitty. yea see thats what i thought, except mine has told me he's wanted to call a week after he broke up with me but thought i absolutely hated him. and hes been back more than once and its like omg pick up the phone already then. i have no clue what he has to gain from telling me he wanted to call, so im guessing its not a lie. he was never the type to stand up n be a man.

[npc24]

mine waited 6 months after professing over and over how much he wanted to be friends with me...its awful.

i ran into him the other night and didnt acknowledge him.

misskitty, i need some lovin on my other posts about the other night, i havent heard from you in ages...i must have worn you out

[SchecterGuy]

When I first broke up with my ex I was relieved. I felt her emotional issues were too much and I couldn't deal with commitment. I wanted to live like a bachelor. Now I want commitment and want her back real bad and I feel the worst I have ever felt after a relationship. 5.5 years and never stopping loving each other is too much to deal with.

[npc24]

kitty, i never said anything to him. I looked away when i saw him look at me.

i kissed a friend in his presense, he doesnt know him and intro'd that friend to someone he was with as my bf.

im hoping i didnt take it too far ahhah, but i just felt i had to do something to show i might just be over it afterall.

do you think its painful for a dumper to see that?

[desi1987]

How do you feel after breaking up with someone? Do u grief as well? Is it as horrible as being "dumped". Do you miss the other person?

 

Just wondering.. my ex started casual dating within days of the break-up not sure if this is a new way of "coping" or if he had moved on a while ago, I wonder if he misses what he had even a bit..

 

Is the grass greener on the other side?

 

I dumped my gf and honestly..just up until recently i thought of myself as the dumpee. She gave me no choice whatsoever in the matter.

Whoever says that the dumper feels no sadness or is coldhearted..man idk thats just not true. I took the breakup hard..I cried the day after I dumped her..I was pissed at her for basically forcing me to dump her.. I still wanted her back/pride would not let me...I felt as if someone ripped me heart out of my chest over and over..Its been over a month and Im much better but I still feel sadness..

 

Ive never been dumped..but like i said in this particular suitation I felt like a dumpee would feel because she left me no choice.

 

I miss her..but its gotten alot better..But I still think about her and wonder what shes doing.

 

Im sure he does miss you..if he ever had any feelings for you and you didnt go psycho on him..im sure he has had fond thoughts of you.

 

Grass Greener?..yes..im single now but im having fun and living my life. I would rather be single than in a relationship with someone who clearly didnt appreciate what she had until it was gone. : )