simple_guy25 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I give up! I'm just not cut out for this sort of thing. Things were going good with my gf. I'll admit it wasnt a perfect situation. she was dealing with some issues from past relationships, as was I. we both agreed to take things really slow. Which is why I was surprised last week when she suggested that we sleep together. She has 3 kids, but I'm a virgin. she was very understanding, and said she was looking forward to being my first. anyway our plans for the weekend got disrupted, so it didnt happen. we had decided that tonight would be the night. however, when I came home from work today, I had a message from her saying she had to babysit her niece tonight, but would let me know as soon as she was finished, and I could come over then. Since then, she started talking to me over MSN, and has told me she isnt ready for a relationship, and that we should just stay friends for now! I don't get it, how do you go from wanting to sleep with someone, to not even wanting to date them in less than a week? Link to comment
EQD Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 the human mind is a terrible thing.... and no i wont add 'to waste' this time. by god the human mind is just terrible. sounds like she was conflicted with emotions. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Because sex isn't love.....she's basically stating she's a full grown woman, with sexual needs, she's got 3 kids and obligations and she's got to fit in a "sex fix" around all that. Initiating you sounded like fun to play Mrs. Robinson - until she remember what having sex with a new person is like...it's never great...and iwth a virgin - it's like super-quick. It won't be gratifying for her at all...she doesn't want you attached to her as a result of sex.....and losing your virginity so that she can fulfill her fantasy - she's figuring out it's not worth it. Link to comment
Nixee Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Ouch That is a pretty horrible way to break up with someone. It does definitely sound like she is pretty conflicted about what she truly wants right now, and it sounds like the two of you need to have a heart to heart about things. If she doesn't feel she can have a relationship, hopefully you can make a time to sit down with her and ask her what her concerns are or what is eating at her... Did she say anything else, or just that? Perhaps she is just feeling nervous and pressured about being your first? Without more info it is hard to tell. Lots of things can cause people to panic and pull back... usually the worst thing you can do in that case is put more pressure on them, but do tell her how you feel and hopefully try to talk more. Link to comment
LBP Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Because sex isn't love.....she's basically stating she's a full grown woman, with sexual needs, she's got 3 kids and obligations and she's got to fit in a "sex fix" around all that. Initiating you sounded like fun to play Mrs. Robinson - until she remember what having sex with a new person is like...it's never great...and iwth a virgin - it's like super-quick. It won't be gratifying for her at all...she doesn't want you attached to her as a result of sex.....and losing your virginity so that she can fulfill her fantasy - she's figuring out it's not worth it. Yee! Got a suggestion that can help him with this problem? Prostitutes?! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 that's probably why she has 3 kids and was single before she met you. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I don't think a guy should ever be silly enough to pay for sex. Sex is out there for free. Prostitutes are paid to go home and not bug you about 'when are we going to see one another again". If he wants sexual experiences, he might want to seek out legal prostitution options. If he wants to get laid to become more sexually experienced - it's generally out there for the price of a few dinners, if he can handle the phone calls about "when are we going to see one another again" - when the allure of sex wears off and her nasal twang wears thin. Link to comment
teknoise Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I don't think a guy should ever be silly enough to pay for sex. Sex is out there for free. Prostitutes are paid to go home and not bug you about 'when are we going to see one another again". If he wants sexual experiences, he might want to seek out legal prostitution options. If he wants to get laid to become more sexually experienced - it's generally out there for the price of a few dinners, if he can handle the phone calls about "when are we going to see one another again" - when the allure of sex wears off and her nasal twang wears thin. since when did fwb and one night stands require a couple of dinners? taking a girl out for dinner a few times just to bang her is pretty damn dishonest. just go to the bar and pick up a girl, its quick and easy, and requires maybe $15. Link to comment
simple_guy25 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 It wasnt about the sex at all. In fact, she still offered to sleep with me. She says its just something 'casual' nowadays. As for more details. She's 23, she started dated the father of two of her children at 16, when they broke up she got with the father of the third. They broke up over the winter. So this is the first time in 7 years she has been single. She says she just wants time to take it all in. That she sees a future with me, but isnt willing to even consider a relationship at this time. I almost got the impression she wanted me to wait around for her, and there was no way I was gonna do that. As for those of you suggesting I get a prostitute, or pick up some girl in a bar. that's just not for me. I don't have sex up on a pedestal or anything. but I at least want my first time to be with someone I care about. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I think it's important to be realistic here. She's 23, she probably lacks and education, adn she's got limited potential in a career because of being a mother of 3 kids wehre they are going to have to be cared for, and prioritized over career advancement. So the guy that gets with her is ging to have some bucks, some security, some status - if she can at all manage it. That way she'snot so worried about what has plagued her life as worries, concerns and obligations since she was a kid at 16, having a kid. She's looking for adult options and security and lifestyle - she might think it'd be fun too be with you sexually - but you have nothing to offer in all likelihood hat meets her physical, financial, material, and social needs. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I think it's important to be realistic here. She's 23, she probably lacks and education, adn she's got limited potential in a career because of being a mother of 3 kids wehre they are going to have to be cared for, and prioritized over career advancement. So the guy that gets with her is ging to have some bucks, some security, some status - if she can at all manage it. That way she'snot so worried about what has plagued her life as worries, concerns and obligations since she was a kid at 16, having a kid. She's looking for adult options and security and lifestyle - she might think it'd be fun too be with you sexually - but you have nothing to offer in all likelihood hat meets her physical, financial, material, and social needs. This is a bunch of huge assumptions. You dont know any of this is true. She probably is horny and wanted sex. No biggie, they are adults. I do not think she wanted to sleep with him to nab a daddy for her kids, if she did she wouldn't be telling him she doesn't want a relationship. She probably wanted to get her rocks off and after the fact thought maybe she shouldn't rush it so much. Nothing he says about her and their convo leads me to believe she is lokoing for a sugar daddy. Her behavior is not consistent with a woman looking for that. If that were the case she wouldn't try to downgrade the relationship for now while she figures out where they are really headed. Women looking for someone with security to help her care for her kids would go headfirst into this without a helmet. Link to comment
simple_guy25 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 excalibur, thats what has me confused. she says she wants to be with me, that she sees a future with me. She said it again after we 'broke up' she just doesnt see it right now. she wants to be single for awhile and THEN have a relationship with me. which just isnt gonna work for me btw. I just dont get it, things were going so well. she seemed happy with where it was going. I seen her just last night. we made plans for tonight, and then 3 hours before our date, she comes out with this Link to comment
simple_guy25 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 She probably is horny and wanted sex. No biggie, they are adults. I do not think she wanted to sleep with him to nab a daddy for her kids, if she did she wouldn't be telling him she doesn't want a relationship. She probably wanted to get her rocks off and after the fact thought maybe she shouldn't rush it so much. I honestly don't believe the sex played into this at all. In fact, its still on the table in her mind. I'm just not stupid enough to go through with it. I think it all came down to her starting to fall for me, and that scared her off. because the last two times she fell for someone, they used her, and left her. each time with another kid. I think she just needs to work through these issues and realize not every guy is going to do that to her. does that sound reasonable to anyone? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I honestly don't believe the sex played into this at all. In fact, its still on the table in her mind. I'm just not stupid enough to go through with it. I think it all came down to her starting to fall for me, and that scared her off. because the last two times she fell for someone, they used her, and left her. each time with another kid. I think she just needs to work through these issues and realize not every guy is going to do that to her. does that sound reasonable to anyone? RIght. I think she jsut is horny and wants to sleep with you but isn't looking for a sugar daddy. yes, what you say sounds very reasonable and she does have some issues to sort thru before another relationship (and i think she knows this which is why she is pulling back). The sex is sex, it has nothing to do with the relationship in her mind. Some people are like that. I am not but don't judge those who are. She has three kids tho so I hope she is super uber careful in this regard because to be 23, unmarried, wtih three kids is not an easy road. She doesn't need a fourth. Link to comment
headunderwater Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 All I wanna say is if you do have sex with her use a condom!!!! Link to comment
simple_guy25 Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 no worries about me having sex with her. the only way that would happen is if we decided to try this again. and in that case I would definitely be using a condom. but thanks for the advice Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 i'd put two on with this one. and fill them both with spermacide. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.