What does "Lets Take It Slow" mean to you?

[redhotchilipepper]

So to keep things short and sweet I dated my EX for 3 years...high school sweethearts...we broke up 7 months ago and decided to see other people but she was the only one who dated I just did my own thing...we remained in contact through most of the time but over the past week she has sent me emails and told me she really misses what we had together and hinted that she wanted to be with me again.

 

So anyway she told me she broke up with her current BF of 4 months and I saw her today and on Tuesday. I asked her if she wanted me to swing by tomorrow and she said she just wanted to take things slow. I asked her what she meant and she said "well I just think it would be a better idea if we saw eachother twice a week". Where the heck did she come up with that number? Why does she not want to see me more often? I dont understand this "slow" part since we already dated for 3 years before this and its not like we are strangers. I feel like whenever I ask her to hang out she has something else to do and its almost like I have to be availible for her whenever she will eventually ask me to see her. I dont like feeling like this I am the type of person who wants to be with her more often but I feel like she doesnt feel the same way. We used to see eachother so much more often in the past but now it feels different...Im not really sure what to think about this?

[arcadefire]

I guess she felt that in the past relationship you two took it too fast? Anyway, she probably would be more comfortable "taking it slow" which to her means twice a week (which is a weird thing to follow). It seems confusing and I think the best way to know for sure how she feels is to ask her how she feels about getting back together and what she means by taking it slow.

[XCRunner1]

Eh, typical.

 

I'm not sure if your breakup was mutual or who initiated it, but it looks like this is the typical grass is greener syndrome- and in the end, it wasn't, it rarely is if you treated her well.

 

She seems like she likes the "mystery and intrigue" and likes the excitement of a new relationship or rekindling an old one after some time off.

 

I was thinking about this myself the other day. Even if me and my ex were to get back together- I know it just wouldn't be the same. Things would just be different...I was with her for 3 years too, and we spent every day together...but I know it wouldn't be that way anymore.

 

It's tough when you have to tip-toe in a relationship man. Do you really want that? If you really want to take directions from this girl and have it on her terms, like she's trying to do, then I say give her what she wants and go for it.

 

But, I would just be careful for your own sake in taking this too seriously. I know you want to, but I just feel this sense of one foot in the door and one foot out of the door in regards to her.

[looloolola]

I think you should just pretend like you also want to take it slow, dont make her feel like you want to ruch things, from a girls perspective it just seems like she wants to be with you again but is not 100% sure so by taking it slow she will figure it all out.. just dont ruse her and you will be fine

[redhotchilipepper]

Interesting...I agree with everything you said...I just dont like being the one in the relationship wanting more than her, why dont I feel the need to take it slow? Does that mean I love her more? I dont know I just feel the need to be with her more than she does me. Part of me wants to tell her straight up that she has to understand my feelings towards her and I dont want to be the one waiting around for her to be ready to see me...thats ridiculous. I also have a gut feeling she isnt totally finished with her EX...she keeps bringing him up to me telling me that hes begging to take her back...what does she expect me to say back to that

[XCRunner1]

I just dont like being the one in the relationship wanting more than her, why dont I feel the need to take it slow?

 

Cause you still love her and aren't over her. You two aren't on the same page. She went out and dated and you didn't- she understands that she doesn't really NEED you and CAN take it slow if SHE wants. You giving into her right away after she went and tested the waters for 4 months with another guy...I wouldn't go there and I know how you feel.

 

Does that mean I love her more?

 

You have a DEEPER emotional connection...a more GENUINE emotional connection than she does. Not sure how old you two are, but lots of times girls are looking for the ego boost above all, and thirst for mystery and intrigue...while all you want is for her to be just as in love with you as you are with her, just as genuine.

 

"O, I went away for 4 months, and he's still waiting for me...wanting to spend everyday with me. Well now I'm going to say I want things slow and he won't care cause he'll do anything to be with me."

 

Part of me wants to tell her straight up that she has to understand my feelings towards her and I dont want to be the one waiting around for her to be ready to see me...thats ridiculous.

 

Good call there. Tell her "that's ridiculous". Look, be honest with yourself, are you really going to be happy dancing with the skeleton of what you used to have, taking things slow? I just smell b.s.

 

I also have a gut feeling she isnt totally finished with her EX...she keeps bringing him up to me telling me that hes begging to take her back...what does she expect me to say back to that

 

Red flags all over the field there. That wouldn't fly for me. You need to completely chill with this girl...she shouldn't be telling you anything about this 4-month guy.

[redhotchilipepper]

I totally agree with what you said...

 

A couple more things though...we didnt talk for 4 months...NC whatsoever and I actually thought I was over her...sure I still thought about her but now that I saw her in person a few times that spark lit up so strong I feel like Im back at square one. She used to be so different around me but Im getting the feeling she just wants to be wanted if that makes any sense?

 

And is it wrong for me to feel BAD about telling her we cant be together...I feel like I will be a bad guy for turning her down even though deep down I know it might be the right thing to do...I hate feeling like Im hurting her feelings even though mine are being hurt right now...I guess thats just how I am and maybe thats why its so easy for her to abuse that characteristic within me?

[XCRunner1]

we didnt talk for 4 months...NC whatsoever and I actually thought I was over her...sure I still thought about her but now that I saw her in person a few times that spark lit up so strong I feel like Im back at square one. She used to be so different around me but Im getting the feeling she just wants to be wanted if that makes any sense?

 

Yep, you are her safety net. You have been broken up for 7 months, 4 with no talking whatsoever...and she's thinking, he's clearly not over me? "Wow, I've got this guy with hook, line, and sinker." When my ex broke up with me, a wise person on here always told me- go with your gut instinct. It's rarely ever wrong.

 

You are obviously still at that point where you are still "addicted" to her. You saw her and boom- I bet she saw it on your face too. She on the other hand, is controlling her emotions and stearing the relationship once again- setting the rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call it. Now you have to be a man and tell her you won't stand for this slow stuff, especially when she's telling you how much her most recent ex wants her back.

 

And is it wrong for me to feel BAD about telling her we cant be together...I feel like I will be a bad guy for turning her down even though deep down I know it might be the right thing to do...I hate feeling like Im hurting her feelings even though mine are being hurt right now...I guess thats just how I am and maybe thats why its so easy for her to abuse that characteristic within me?

 

NO, your prolly a stand up guy. That's natural. Look, she's playing the game (it seems to me). You don't want this game and you don't want this "version" of this girl. You said yourself that things used to be so different. You are an OPTION to her, and she is a priority to you (thus we have the slow vs. everyday seeing each other battle). That doesn't work...trust me. All she is doing is making up her mind right now as to what she wants to do...doesn't it get you mad to know that all you are to her after 3 years together is an option now? I wouldn't take the bait here man.

[zeevegal]

I guess what she means by taking it slow is just not rushing into anything that you will regret. Not sleeping with each other and committing fully right off the back.

[lainOS]

id say first of all, roll with the "taking it slow". but at some point, relatively soon, you should show some concern about going back into the relationship. dont just go in no questions asked if thats what she wants. is it an ego boost? is she lonely? these are things you need to judge for yourself. and you should definitely show that you're not willing to just jump in just because she's there and you want to know if it's the right thing and if it's for real. it lets her know your not a sure thing that will always be there (so she won't even have to worry about treating you right) and it'll save you hurt in the long run. you should gentle communicate these concerns and expect to receive answers that show she respects and cares about you. take your time in deciding if she really does and if you really want it. even if its an act, its better to act it than not, yet still even better to be concerned. take YOUR time, take things slow. keep HER waiting (a little bit).