Bet you can't help me, I'm a walking freak show

[rickothesicko]

Hi,

I've got some problems, like major problems. It's no wonder I can't get a girlfriend.

"So what are your problems?" you ask... Let's go...

 

First off last week I found out I have arthritis and I'm only 20yrs old. Yesterday I found out I have a spinal condition known as Lordosis. Which basically means my buttocks protrude and my gut sticks out because my lower part of my spine is pushed very much inward rather then being straight, it's untreatable. My posture is terrible because of it. When I walk it looks like I borrowed my body for the weekend and still don't know how to use it properly.

 

Also I was blessed with a eye condition known as "floaters" which surprised my optometrist because it's mainly for senior citizens. "Floaters" make me see tiny black dots everywhere I look, especially in bright daylight, I don't notice them in the dark. Also there is no cure. It also gets worse over the years.

 

Oh and I also suffer from clinical depression which, fortunately, I'm being treated for. Then also I suffer from Gymotasia(man breasts) which look ridiculous since I'm 6'2" and 170lbs. Gymetasia can be treated but it costs ALOT of money, which I don't have.

 

Wow these are all beautiful qualities which girls go for, obviously

I'm not going to look for a partner anymore, I'm too hideous. By the way I'm going I'll be getting a brain aneurysm for my 21st birthday...

No wonder I can't get a girlfriend, who wants this walking textbook of abnormalities.

[Poltergeist]

Keep your chin up man, I was like you at one time, I had a hearing aid, jaw problems, leg problems, bladder problems etc etc. Anyways a year ago I was in your shoe. But now the lord has blessed me with a beautiful Japanese girl who can look past all of my set back, and she is wonderful. If you are a religious person then I would suggest you pray to God, if you are not, then keep hope alive man.

[ebenezer]

If you keep thinking like that you will never get over anything. I noticed you never said anything _good_ about yourself, so you can't hve a balanced viewpoint.

 

Please post some positive things about yourself to see the whole picture

[rickothesicko]

Haha, ebenezer..... hmmm something good about myself. Well I always took pride that in that I'm a good speller and... oh hang on, that's it....

[ebenezer]

also, if you find someone, anyone without any abnormalities, then he/she is very very lucky. Even I have my abnormalities that are genetic, and don;t want to recirculate.

[ebenezer]

give yourself some credit! I won't see your point if you are determined to find consistently disadvantageous factors of yourself.

 

Please look on positive sides. Nothing's easy if you don't make it that way

[rickothesicko]

if you find someone, anyone without any abnormalities, then he/she is very very lucky

 

Why would she be very lucky to be with me? Hmmm trying to think why she'd be lucky with me... Drawing blanks here.

[ebenezer]

I can advise you now, it won't be easy for you at all. Purely because you can't see anything positive about yourself. I don't want to post about other people and their problems but you will find people who are crying their eyes out because they have a spot on their eyebrow, then you will find people who have twice as many illnesses as you are stating but are the most interesting happy person you will meet all day.

 

It goes without saying, you will find couples everywhere who are happy, that are in similar position as yourself.

 

Just give it a break, I refuse to help further if you don;t see why firing youself for the details you have given is really demoralising yourself.

 

As an extra, if you think you are not attractive for the given reasons, then why mention about your eye problem? You can't judge yourself by picking out the features which in your opinion are setting you back. This attitude will get you nowhere. Sorry to be straightforward but for me, I would rather hear a clean-cut response than a processed plastic response. Please understand this

[enadevoli]

all i can say is that you aren't going to get a gf with a low self esteem like that. even the hottest guy in the world would have a hard time getting girls if he had low self esteem & always thought negativly about himself. i can't believe that there is only one thing you like about yourself. i think it would help for you to get out & try new things, find things that you are good at doing. & you can't say that there is nothing cause every one is good at something no matter what. i mean think about it, like helen keller, she was blind & deaf, people would think that some one like that couldn't do much with her life, but look at what she became. it just goes to show you that no matter who you are, or what disabilites you may have, you can do so much with your life.

[rickothesicko]

enadevoli, it's not like a walk around brooding, self loathing with my head down all the time. I talk, joke around with people and generally "appear" happy on the outside.

 

Girls don't want to be seen with someone who looks like he's been in space for 2yrs then came back to earth and doesn't know how to walk properly because he forgot how it's done. That's what this spine condition of mine does to me. While it does not cause me physical discomfort the emotional discomfort it provides me more then makes up for it.

 

I do have hobbies and interests which I pursue, has it got me anywhere with the ladies? No. You really have to see me in walking motion to get an idea of how awkward I come off. I'm a sight for sore eyes.

[enadevoli]

honestly, you should let the girls speak for themselves. you can't say that this is the reason you don't have a gf. even some people who walk fine don't have gfs. the right girl will come a long at the right time. you just wait & see. i could care less how a guy walks. im one of those people who realize that every one has their imperfections. every one looks for different things in people & you would be surprised to know that there are some girls out there who wouldn't even care about your disabilities as long as you have a good heart. thats so true. i think you need to learn to love yourself because until then you will never believe that some one could love you & want to be with you.

[just_smile]

hey

i dont think all these medical problems are the actual problem. you need to be able to look past all those because until you do not woman can look pasted them.

 

you should learn to like who you see in the mirror other wise you will loose all your confidence in yourself, becuase what woman wants a guy who hates himself, hates being alive; basically a guy who is pessimistic?!!

 

~LJ =;

[rickothesicko]

you should learn to like who you see in the mirror

 

Wow is that it just smile??? Wow thanks I'm cured now. Seriously, how the hell do I like myself when I look DESPICABLE. It DOESN'T work. I've been seeing a counsellor for a little while now and she says look in the mirror and say only positive things about yourself. It doesn't work!!!!

 

For example if a obese man looks in the mirror and says "I'm good looking, a real stud..." he can say it, but what he sees in the mirror, he will NEVER believe the words his mouth says.

 

How the hell am I supposed to think I look good when obviously I don't. Obviously if I looked fine I'd have some interest from some girls. The best judge of telling how attractive one is is by how many members of the opposite sex are interested in you. That is a FACT.

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[Jordan42]

Everyone here is posting good advice. You need to accept the things that you can't change and stop focusing your energy on them. If you are really serious about wanting to improve your situation, work on being positive. it isn't easy, but it's something you need to do. You can't (and shouldn't) pretend that your medical conditions don't exist, just don't let them get in the way of your happiness. I recommend reading The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. I am reading it and it has helped me start to become a more positive and happier person. It has helped my sister as well.

 

Best of luck to you.

[ebenezer]

How can you ever come to a conclusion if you simply negate all the advice, persistently recalling your original argument?

 

You must try some advice or agree some time.

 

How can you be sure the reason you havent found a girlfriend is for some other reason, technique?

You seem to only talk of girls coming to you, have you ever gone up to them?

 

I noticed you are fixed on not allowing the advice to work, you cant just walk up to the mirror and say you're a superstar, then you are one. Put some effort into it.

[rickothesicko]

You must try some advice or agree some timeYou seem to only talk of girls coming to you, have you ever gone up to them?

 

I have for 20yrs now been trying. I talk with a variety of women, none who want anything to do with me. Two guesses why that is.

 

I noticed you are fixed on not allowing the advice to work, you cant just walk up to the mirror and say you're a superstar, then you are one. Put some effort into it.

 

I do. I didn't just walk up to the mirror and say, I'm great. I look good. I did it for months and it didn't work.

 

Oh also, I can't help but feel resentment to my mother. She knew she was screwed up from the get go and decided to have kids anyway and pass on her gruesome genetics. Great work Mom.

[ebenezer]

that's quite unfair on your mother. This is far stretched out unnecessarily. You might like to take the comment back, you're still alive arent you? Who did that?

 

Yes these days people, it is hard to find someone with no defects.

 

A recap:

 

* Read some good books on self esteem building

* Look in the mirror. And try harder.

* Get rid of the pessimistic attitude.

* Please respect more

[Ash]

Hey Ricko, I know you likely didn't mean it, but reading through this thread is a bit entertaining. Not because of the issues you bring up, but because of other people's reactions to what's going on.

 

You threw down a challenge "Bet you can't help me" and couple of the posters have tried to, not succeeded and now they're getting annoyed about it all because they haven't succeeded. Sometimes you have to embark on these things knowing there's little chance for success, and not get all bent out of shape because it isn't working this time. Keep in mind too, if at first you fail, try changing your tactics. It works sometimes.

 

Good advice can only really be considered truly good advice if the person it's being given to agrees that it is. Put another way, good advice for one person is not necessarily good advice for another.

 

I agree with Ricko on the mirror thing. If you don't like what you see when you look in the mirror, it can act like negative reinforcement when somebody tells you to keep doing it. Yeah, maybe it works for some people, but not everybody. When I feel like hell, and look in the mirror some mornings so try and tell myself it's not so bad, I realize that, oh yeah, it is that bad at the moment. I don't know what the solution is there, perhaps the counsellor could change her tactics and think of another confidence builder.

 

As for the way you look, you could consider things like going more radical than most are comfortable with. I mean things like shave your head. I dunno, just throwing stuff out here that might be a bit different. I was just thinking that maybe if you decide to look different by choice, you may feel like you have more control over things. Maybe it would shift focus away from the negatives you perceive.

 

Go see a reasonable tailor. Tell him to make you look good. See if he can make it look like you look like you have a muscular chest and hide your stomach a bit, amazing what some of them can do.

 

Try wearing flashy clothes, get people to notice that clothes on the outside rather than the shape of the person on the inside.

 

You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how rough some women look before they spend an hour or so on makeup, special clothing, particular hairstyle etc, not to mention having plastic surgery.

[rickothesicko]

Thanks Ash. Some interesting ideas I'll look into.

 

that's quite unfair on your mother.

Why?

 

you're still alive arent you? Who did that?

Obviously my Mom. But then again I didn't ask to be born. She decided to burden my presense onto this world.

 

Please respect more

Respect who more? Why should I give respect, like I've done for the past 20yrs, when I get none back?

[ebenezer]

I think you answered your question.

Respect yourself, no surprises huh?

 

My ideas are exhausted, all I have left to say is only you can make this work. If you disagree, then you will _never_ get over it.

 

Good luck rick.

[The Morrigan]

Well, there's something else I'd have to say you're good at - you're good at debating and sticking to your points *wicked grin*

 

I agree with Ash on a lot of his points. What I'd add is - while you do what you can with what you have there - think of ways that what leaps out first is personality. No, I'm not gonna hand you the "looks don't matter at all" line, but you look at some people who managed to break into typically looks dominated areas - Rodney Dangerfield, Danny Devito, Jack Nicholson for example - now come on, they're nobody's idea of a dreamboat there! And that's in a field where looks are almost mandatory. Yeah, they matter - but they can be overcome with a lot of determination, and force of personality. If who you are and your accomplishments are what hit people in the face first, they still matter - but they aren't the first reason someone wants to get to know you anymore, they're not as much of a barrier, because someone's interested for something other than that before they approach you or strike up a conversation.

 

So I'd think of it as a twofold thing - is it more than some people have to do? Oh yeah. But while it's harder, it's not insurmountable either, just try not to get discouraged before you give yourself a chance to see what maybe you CAN be instead of what you can't. (And hey, when trying not to get discouraged doesn't work - venting is a good thing, that's what this place is for partly!)

[Mar]

lol....the challenge was there, in our face to help, so I'll do my best.....

 

What Ash and the Morrigan said is absolutely right. Not to sound like a parrot, but if you know that your looks are your "weak point", (and trust me, I work in an office of 11 orthopedic docs, I've seen a LOT of cases of lordosis) then emphasize something other than that. Also, I know, having seen lordosis, AND having it myself (the jury's still out on whether it's lordosis or something else, but I have a curved spine as well, so I know what you're talking about on walking weird sometimes) I just don't worry about it since I can't change it, except to do the exercises my physical therapists recommended to me when I was going.

 

I'm not going to minimize your problems, but quite honestly, I think you've built them up into far more than others see them. Everyone has flaws, real or imagined, and that whole "look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful" thing just flat-out doesn't work sometimes, I know that.

 

What DOES work is to then say, "Well, I can't change that, but I can accentuate the positive", i.e. your personality and the things you're good at. You're good with spelling? I'd imagine that's because you like to read, or just love words in general-how about trying your hand at writing, either poetry or a short story? If you have a sense of humor, use it to your advantage...."laugh and the world laughs with you." Corny, but true.

 

But don't look at yourself and just see this one big FLAW, that's not true. And, if that's how you perceive yourself, it's how others will perceive you too. It doesn't take a spoken word to tell what someone thinks of themself. I know you don't like your physical characteristics, but from what you've said, none of them is THAT bad that you're a walking freak, as you said! The clothing can help.....wear things that you're comfortable in and that can somewhat hide the less-than-perfect parts. And use that personality for all it's worth! People tend to notice a great personality first if one is positive and smiles and jokes and can laugh easily....the physical aspects come later.

 

But you have to be comfortable with yourself and accept the whole package in order to convey that to others....don't point out all your weaknesses, point out the strengths you have, and the aspects you're proud of. I'm quite sure there's more than good spelling in there somewhere, you just have to think about it and let it surface!

 

Mar

[dude123]

Hope for the best. You never know what will happen next. Maybe one day your life could change. No one ever know there future.