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okay so what do you do when....


QTpie87
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okay,

so for those of you who have read and replied my other posts about me and my EX thankyou very much. so anyway. we are good now, exept that he is starting to kind of like this other girl and he doesn't want a GF right now. however he said that he would try and take me back and give me another chance before he did anything with her. so thats a definate step forward. well he is paying more and more attention to her. so how can i get some more of him attention without clinging on him and making him feel trapped. well what do guys like? and how should i flirt and do other stuff like that to get him attention? well thanks. and oh yeah, i will do anything you guys suggest i really

want his attention, just in a good way that will help him like me again.

thanks love Qtpie87 8)

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QTPie,

 

Do you really think its 1. Fair to you and 2. healthy to put yourself in sucha vulnerable situation?

 

What if he decides to change his mind and does not choose you? You would have set yourself up for even more disapointment. Qt, sometimes men will tell us women things just to keep us hush, hush, but you have to read between the other lines, there is another women. Sounds to me like he's giving you the run around and leading you on. I would not compete with this other girl why should you? if the love was that strong she wouldnt even be in the picture.

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He seems to be playing a bit of a game, but you have put in the effort to get this far. You can go fish for someone else, or you can try to win him. SweeyPie is right in that you are being put in a vulnerable position, but I've repeatedly said "Bet big or stay home." So let's assume you want to bet big.

 

The same tactics work to get him to keep after you, to try to protect his turf and chase you as work to try to get him back. Yes, it has to be balanced a bit, but you need to get him to chase you and invite him to do so.

 

One change, adopt the attitude that he can go and try her, if he really wants. But, he will realize that you and what you offer is so much better, that he will come back for you. He just better hope you are available when the time comes.

 

The practical aspects of this? Continue to make yourself attractive. Make him call you, don't just call him all the time. Talk to other guys, flirt with other guys, but not when he is part of the conversation. When he appears, be glad to see him, but not overjoyed or dependent. The best flirt: when he sees you doing it from a distance, approaches you and you stop with a really good goodbye to the other guy. Your are working to attract the other guys, so that he will find you attractive. Then when he considers whether he should continue with you and asks a friend, his friends will tell him he's nuts to consider breaking up with you. He's working the other woman against you, work someone against him.

 

Just don't tell him: he was stupid and mad a bad and insensitive move by doing that.

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I have to agree that he seems to be playing both sides of the field.....do NOT let yourself get caught up in that! He can't have his cake and eat it too, he has to commit to one or the other of you.

 

Don't let yourself get too caught up in winning this guy's heart back...if he's THAT blatantly stating that he's thinking about this other girl/communicating with her, you're in a bad position, and none of us wants to see you hurt.

 

I would step back and be cool for a bit. Let him know that he has all the time he needs, BUT not to expect that you'll be there when he finally makes up his mind. I know you love him, but think about what everyone's said: the feeling isn't quite as mutual, or he wouldn't 1) flaunt his interest in this other girl in your face, and 2) would be concentrating more soley on winning you back. Don't give him that much of a lead!

 

Prepare for the worst, is the best I can tell you. But do NOT let him call all the shots in this! As a matter of fact, I'd suggest taking some time for yourself and thinking about what it is you're looking for, and if this guy can give you that. Right now, I'd say not. Not if he's that eager to share his escapades involving pursuing this other girl. Another thing that just occurred to me is that he might be telling you in order to "prepare you" for the possible eventuality that he's going to choose her over you. Not to sound negative, but I don't want to see you base too many hopes on this guy.

 

Take the time for yourself. You are your own person-don't base so much on HIS decision. This is YOUR life, not your life lived vicariously through him. Value your life and your decisions, and don't rush back into this because you miss him. After all, you broke up because of problems in the relationship. If he can be THAT cavalier in discussing another girl, he's not taking a whole lot of time in thinking about ways to make the relationship w/you work, and improve it from what it was.....

 

Mar

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