What do you think she wants?

[JSHRN]

I don't know if anyone remembers my situation but here's a little review...

Allison & I had dated for 4 months when she decided she "needed her space" to focus on school. Trouble was, she stopped calling for several weeks and I didn't see her for 6 weeks. 2 weeks ago she started calling again and apologized for not calling in so long. We talked about a lot of things. We went to a Christmas concert the other night and had a wonderful time. She has a few more days of school left until finals, then she's on vacation for a month. I'm wondering where she wants things to be with us right now and asked her after the concert was over. She said she's so focused on school and didn't want to just talk about it for 5 minutes. She said "when finals are over we can talk and you can ask me anything you want". I'm wondering if this is going to be a "let's just be friends for now" speech. That would crush me. She had always wanted to be with me since last spring. When we started dating she said I was the best things that ever happened to her. She got so wrapped in school (which I understand) but I don't know why she didn't call for so long. Friends of mine are telling me if she just wanted to be friends then she would not have gone to the concert or start calling again. If she wanted to break up for good, she wouldn't have called at all. Does that sound reasonable to anyone?

 

Part of me is wondering if this was going to be a "let's just be friends" speech then she wouldn't drag this out.

 

We both love each other and have deep feelings for each other. But it hurts so much not having her in my life like I'd like to.

 

Any thoughts on this? Especially from the women.

 

Thanks.

[Beec]

She probably wants some relationship with you, but what that is is hard to tell. It's ok to need space and time when you are busy, but is it ok to entirely neglect your relationship? My guess is that the answer is No. Maybe she feels she cannot handle giving you enough and her school demands. So instead of feeling guilty for not giving you enoguh attention, she broke up. How I handled it would depend on what you wanted and were willing to settle for? How to tell her that is she wants a relationship?

[Sashenka]

She is problaby insecure about the whole thing and problaby thinking she is doing wrong.

 

Talk to her, Because she has something she wants to tell you problaby, or maybe it is the school.

 

But from what you said about not hearing from her shows that she is worrying about something that concerns you in some way.

 

Not to be harsch, but I guess that you are young, not that I am old or anything either, but I have studied psychology to much to not at least guess on this. People say that they wan't to spend their lives witht hem forever, or say that you are so special and not like others. This doesn't mean they say it in the way of lying, everyone that says it, (well mostly), have a inner wish of having that come true. She really likes you, but something is bothering her.

 

And she means those words she said to you, I don't think she want's to be just a friend with you.. I think she likes you alot.

 

Bot in most cases like these, I think there is something bothering the person.

 

I will just say that I do not claim I am right in this subject.

 

But I am pretty sure of how girls work and think in these situation.

 

Maybe she thinks she has done something wrnog or that she has mistreated you in anyway?

 

Talk to her after the finals..

[slider]

JSHRN, You say: "We both love each other and have deep feelings for each other." Let me fill you in on something.

 

I hate to be the one to break it to you but, women who actually love you don't say "I need space". Women who love you want to spend time with you and will make time to be with you even amass the busiest of schedules. Ask yourself this: How many relationships are going on with college students? ANSWER: Many. Busy with school is not an excuse not to see or talk to each other. Why do they say "I need my space"? Because somewhere down the line in your relationship you turned her off and her interest in you fell. Whether it's because you were needy, clingy, jealous, too smothering or something else. I don't know because I don't know you, but something in your actions made her repel. Sorry for saying this - but what do you want? False hope or the truth? Move on. I wish you the best.

[JSHRN]

Basically, what she's said the past few weeks is that she "took on too much at once with work, school, her mother and her brother". Trouble is, I think when we first got together she didn't know how to have a relationship (after coming out of a bad one). I know I shouldn't expect much after 4 months but when someone tells you "I love you" and says that there not just words -- what am I suppose to think? She stopped calling for a couple weeks, then started calling a few weeks ago. I don't know what her motives are because she said "we'll talk when finals are over". Well, finals are over, she's calling but I want to talk to her face to face -- not on the phone. I want to see her expressions. Am I setting myself up again? I really don't think so. Why would you tell someone you love them, talk about a "future together, "disappear" for a month, then start calling again? I just don't get it. I've been physically sick over this. I've tried to stay busy but thoughts of her keep flooding my mind. I just can't let her go. She's really got a hold on me. I never thought a woman could have that kind of control on me but obviously I've let it happen. I was having such an awful time until she started calling again. Why can't I let her go you ask? Did you ever meet someone and just know they were "the one"? Despite all that's happened the past 2 months I really feel she is the one. Now, if she'll only open up and talk to me.

[slider]

I know the feeling dude... and I feel for you. But I also know this, it doesn't matter if YOU know that she's "the one". All that matters at this point is does SHE feel that you're "the one" for her? It takes two to tango and she comes at you with every excuse in the book. Read into her actions, not her words - they speak louder.

 

Right now you're hanging on a thread with this babe and a tornado is on the horizon. You want back in? You gotta have the balls to do so and this is the only way - because begging won't do it.

 

First, if you don't have an answering machine, get one. Screen all your calls and the next time she calls, don't pick up. Let her leave a message and call her back with excuses of your own after a few days. Waiting a few days is an absolute MUST. If you live with your parents, let them answer the phone and let her hear you whisper to your mother/father "tell her I'm not home". This will get her thinking and let me tell you, the mind works in mysterious ways as you already know. It'll make her think you met another girl and not in need of her attention. What you gotta do is create challege and turn the tables on this puppy. When you do get back to her, you must not act desparate. She'll sense this and withdraw again. The object here is to express the attitude that you can take it or leave it. She has to know that you have the balls to walk - in any relationship for that matter. Why? Because it demands respect. Let me tell you that this approach takes a strong person to pull off. You have to be strong and hold your ground. If you get mushy on her, you'll lose her. Not that I want you to play games by any means, but the games have already started and you're not even in uniform. Get it?